Total Eclipse of the Fart

Sometimes ladies & gents, you need to get a handle on real life. A sense of perspective if you will. Take Friday’s eclipse for example. As expected, southern Britain ensured we’d miss out on this once in a lifetime spectacle with skies so grey & impenetrable they’d make Beijing City Council consider suing for breach […]

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Is it tomorrow or just the end of time?

Hello punters, me again. Today’s nonsense was supposed to be brought to you by our resident king of Ska Punk, Totts. Unfortunately due to unforseen circumstances, mainly me being a dickhead and forgetting to tell him he was on duty, you’re stuck with my bright & breezy manner for the second game running. And given […]

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Is It May Yet?

Isn’t it funny how when the fixtures first come out that you look for the good aways, the shite midweeks and then pick out games that you imagine will play a huge part in that ultimately successful season you’re definitely just about to have. You know, those big top of the table 6 pointers. Tonight’s […]

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Bad Irish Whiskey

Amazing the difference a couple of weeks makes. The last time I got to scribble stuff and bore you all to death, it was for the Merstham Surrey Cup game. Which if you were there or merely read my well balanced, quality reportage on it, you’d know didn’t quite go as planned. In the same […]

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Merstham Moatside Misery

Merry New Year reader people! Yes yes, I’m well aware it’s the 14th of January. But I’ve been unwell you see, so this is the first opportunity that I have had to bring you the greetings of the now long departed festive season! I did think I was over the worst of my terrible illness, but […]

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Squid & Sprouts

To be brutally honest, if you’re a regular visitor to this particularly idiotic corner of the interwebs, you’ll be fully aware of the sort of season we are currently enduring here at Sutton United FC. So if you’re a bit short on time at what is after all a somewhat stressful and hectic time of […]

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A Very Reserved Saturday

Like most football fans, we here at the ‘monium of Gander (with huge emphasis on the ‘moan’ in our case) are creatures of habit. And interfering with our routine is never a welcome thing. So you can imagine our sense of loss and confusion when we found we had to wait until the Sunday to […]

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Sod all at the end of the Rainbow

We’ve had a few bad days in the FA Cup over the years. Yeading away in the mid-80’s when arguably one of the best Sutton sides ever self destructed and lost 4-1 to a Spartan League side. Then in more recent memory, there’s the defeat to Alton Towers Town at GGL being amongst the worst. […]

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It’s the Minnows from the Rock! – Football Abroad

Shut up shut up SHUT UP! I don’t have the best relationship with my alarm clock as it is to be honest, but when the little cuboid bastard is waking me up at 5am on a Sunday morning with his shrill electronic banshee howl, my dislike for him reaches even greater hammer attack inducing levels. […]

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If I had a Hammer

Bloody hell. It’s not even the end of July yet and we’re packing in the fixtures like nobody’s business! Last night we were over at AFC Wimbeldon (usually for such fixtures it’s the bigger side that plays away we understand? We’ll let you draw your own conclusions here) where we rather stupidly left Dukey largely […]

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