Britain’s Biggest Newt Pond

Port Vale now is it? We seem to be rolling our way through all those old Fourth Division clubs that used to get spewed out on the Grandstand teleprinter when we were kids and life was better and we satisfied ourselves with the simple pleasures in life like shooting each other with spud guns, shoplifting […]

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Saucy Postcards

I’m something of a connoisseur of popular culture. Never tried to hide it. Never needed to. I like those glimpses of life that open a window into a world that’s passed by. Adverts in old football programmes are a rich source of such snippets but I’m here right now to open this loosely branded “match […]

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Fortune Favours the Bald

As the champagne was being sprayed all round the joint and our extraordinary group of players went through their party moves to the sounds of their enormous travelling boom box Taz lent across to me and said “So, d’you think you’ve got enough material for the blog then…” Football. I mean, bloody hell Isn’t it? […]

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New Forest Yeti

Everyone loves a good old cup run.  It gets the blood pumping and when it involves trips to football grounds you wouldn’t normally get to or think of visiting it can also broaden your horizons as well. And as my horizons are currently my front room and my back yard, here’s my post-season take on […]

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The Last Game in London

There’s an old Chinese proverb that says “may you live in interesting times”.  Well, that all depends on how you define interesting doesn’t it? And if you find an endless carnival of death, crisis and chaos a turn-on then you must be having the absolute time of your fucking life right now. If, like me, […]

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Beddington Corner FC

I’m a sucker for old football clubs and grounds that are no longer with us and after the stunning response to the pieces I wrote up on Banstead Mental Hospital FC and the long-lost Mitcham Stadium it became clear that many others are as well and I had been casting around for another contender. My […]

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Come On Eileen

Aah, The Head. When I first started following Sutton, Leatherhead were real rivals in the old Rothmans Isthmian League and in that golden era for their football club without a shadow of a doubt one of the top non–league sides in the land, when there were certainly plenty of contenders kicking about. Of course, Sutton […]

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Dirty Barry’s Dirty Weekend

Back in the seventies – will you stop fucking groaning at the back – back in the seventies the Dirty Weekend was a staple of British comedy and as much a part of popular culture as Glam Rock, Spangles and a clip round the earhole from you friendly neighbourhood copper. I have no recollection of […]

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Do Anything You Wanna Do

Now that autumn is rolling in, the leaves are falling from the trees and me and Mrs Totts are engaged in our annual “Battle of the Boiler” as to when it’s appropriate to turn the heating on it seems only right that we should be entertaining a solid, meat, spuds, sticky pudding and woolly jumpers […]

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