Bubble Blowing Oompa Loompa

As a wise man once said “It’s not the despair. I can take the despair. It’s the hope I can’t stand”. A quote that sounds like it was created purely for following a rubbish football team the length and breadth of a nation, but sadly was actually dreamt up by some script writer for John […]

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New Year, Same Old Sutton

Bugger the Happy New Year and all that bloody bollocks. I’m a Sutton United supporter don’t you know! And I might be getting old (very slowly), but nothing seems new to me from the 24 hours before. Then again, only twenty four hours ago I was drinking in an Irish bar in Morden. And I […]

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Jolly Festive Uncle

Picture the scene.  The poor house is cold.  It stinks of damp, Dettol and overcooked sprouts.  At a rickety old table huddle a group of pale looking urchins. They are proper fucked to be honest, having spunked every last penny and more on awayday trips to the likes of Scotland, Dublin and an endless stream […]

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The Bromley Contingent

Bromley.  Now, here’s a thing.  There are people around suburban south London who will try and have you believe that Bromley is, in some mad and contrived way, a “cool” place. I know, complete and utter nonsense but I’m just scratching around for a few pars of blog intro, so stick with me kids. The […]

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Where the Sun Always Shines…

“Did you have a good Christmas?” Seriously, how many time do you get asked that inane question from Boxing Day onwards? The polite, and very British answer, is too say something equally brain-dead like “Yes. Quiet” Quiet? Bollocks to that. I always tell my unwanted inquisitor that I caught the Norovirus, cut my left bollock […]

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Brazilian Bum Lift

Right, formalities first. Merry Christmas and all other greetings of the season to our readers out there. We hope you were all properly stuffed over the festive period and got nicely pissed watching the umpteenth re-run of Morcambe & Wise no the gogglebox. Also, spare a thought for those less fortunate than yourselves at this […]

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