Why We Bother

WWB was a page on the old Gandermonium site and came from an idea we shamelessly stole from a Woking page had of putting up simple, one line comments about why we do what we do on a Saturday afternoon between August & May. Since the demise of the old site, this lived on the SUFC forum, but it proved a pain in the arse to update there so since Gandermonium returned, we’re again keeping it here…

‘Why We Bother’ can be anything. From an actual moment in a game, to a little incident that only a few of you know about, to a comment someone made. Doesn’t even have to have actually been at or during a game (check some of the shite we’ve added for examples!), just so long as it involved Sutton United. Keep it short & sweet, no long, rambling explanations please! Have a read through the stuff below to give you an idea. There’s over 1300 now!

If there’s something you’d like to add, just mail us your suggestions!

Cheers to everyone who’s sent us suggestions over the years for this, there’s far too many to list!

Omar and our first FL goal at FGR.
Mr X claiming every little event as ‘our first in the FL’ for about 3 weeks.
Keepo’s carrier of G&Ts in Glasgow.
Playing all those early L2 games away from GGL thanks to the new grass pitch.
That night in Wigan.
The first Football League point at Salford.
A first Football League win over Stevenage.
Taz’s slight wardrobe malfunction at Bradford after the 2nd goal.
Deano’s Wigan penalty.
Packing out the away end at Crawley.
Playing Exeter off the park at theirs. Lost 2-0. Standard!
Chucking a first win against a terrible Oldham side!
Craig Dundas. Oldest FL debutant since WW2!
Finding out Wigan’s not a half bad drink late on a Tuesday night.
15000+ at Wembley.
Dave Ajiboye’s double at Newport.
Over 14k at Bradford. Hilarious.
Crawley’s pyro at 3-0 down. Why?
Over 400 to Harrogate last day. Used to get not much more than that at home 10yrs ago!
Bedlam in the away end at Crawley.
Richie Bennett in the 98th minute at Stevenage. Carnage.
Donovan giving us the lead at Wembley.
Our January transfer window business not exactly catching Sky’s attention!
Buying Belly that ugly shirt in Barrow.
That bloke buying Belly a coat to go with his shirt in Barrow!
The comedy Green Street carry on at Bescot station.
West Sutton to Wembley.
The Grimsby fans in the away end with us at Scunny!
Missing our stop for Fratton Park after a day on the beer. We’re blaming short platforms!
The 96th minute of the Pizza Cup final. So so close.
Security for Port Vale’s away end stricter than most international airports.
Fish’s dropped closing time pint in Manchester and the unamused barmaid that had to clean it up!
“One for the road?” Keepo in Manchester. The road in question was the M6.
Wigan’s ‘top boy’ arranging all his rucks on FB Messenger. Very secure!
That scratch side at Swindon. Shift!
Greek & Ipswich Lee on the Espresso Martinis in Tranmere.
Taz missing the train back from Brum with 50 quid’s worth of McDonalds.
Enzio finally breaking his duck with a double against Rochdale!
“Sutton’s going up with a tenner in the bank!”. Carlisle away.
Sitting on the building site at Northampton.
Easty’s goal at Wembley.
The GGL away end bogs becoming legendary in L2 circles.
Hoovering up all the Pizza Cup final souvenirs after in the posh section!
Day on the piss in Portsmouth for the Pizza Cup tie.
The Shoebox being replaced by the temporary disabled stand. Some would say they just added wheelchair access…
Getting chucked out of the Surrey Cup for an ineligible player. Dukey was not happy!
Rob Milsom’s last minute pen against Exeter. Scenes.
Tobi Sho-Silva and his transfer to Carlisle. Bit left field!
Bristol Rovers odd football snob carry on. Beat us 3 times FFS.
Oldham away being called off at 20 past 1. Yeah, cheers lads.
Tanto opening the scoring at Orient. Scenes.
FA Cup 1st round away at Hayes. Bit weird being the FL big boys for a change!
That twat from Dagenham shushing us again when scoring for Walsall. Prick.
Magnum PI on the Passionfruit Martinis in Northampton. Don’t forget the shot of prosecco!
Bar 45 pre-Crawley. Great fun. Cheers Woody!
Old boy in the Rifle Drum, Northmapton. Actually backed us to win the National! Lunatic!
Poncing into the Bobby Moore lounge post-Pizza Cup.
DJ Tractor Boy on the decks at Bar 45. Tom Jones!
Magnum and the tape measure incident. Stoke.
Hiking through the undergrowth to the pub in Nailsworth post-FGR
The rebuilt Shoebox at Cheam Sports.
The wonderfully odd dedication ceremony for the rebuilt Shoebox at Cheam Sports!
Checking into a Chadderton FC game on Futbology when going past their ground in a cab!
Donovan’s little flick at Scunthorpe.
Shopping for new jeans in Bradford H&M post-match.
Bristol Rovers not fancying any games remotely near Xmas. Yeah, covid mate. Suuuure.
Everyone in the top 10 bringing in 5 new faces in Jan. Us? 41yo keeper from Dorking. LEVELS!
Walking down Wembley way.
The absolutely endless abuse in the Ship & Mitre, Liverpool.
Spending the day on the piss in Rochdale after the last minute call off at Oldham.
Popworld Underpants.
Post Pizza Cup final party at GGL. Madhouse. God knows what it would be like if we’d won!
Carabao Cup at Cardiff. 1-0 up! Scenes.
4Days unplugging the Xmas lights (it was October!) in the Northampton pub to charge his phone.
Magnum’s Mustard trousers. Expensive!
Gandermonium Cider Club.
Bristol City lads stopping off for a pint in Northampton on the way to…Peterborough?
Greek having a ton out of the Fruity in Scunthorpe.
Simon Downer needing to take out a restraining order on Belly after FGR away.
Taxis in Stroud. Worse than Chester! Almost.
Belly locking himself in the train khazi coming back from FGR.
The Shoebox. RIP.
Being back in for the 4-1 tanking of Solihull.
Also being back in for the crap 1-0 defeat at home to Chesterfield!
Watching 99% of a season on a screen. It’s crap, dunno how PL armchair fans do it…
Louis John bundling in the 2nd @ home to Hartlepool. Madness.
Tanto with the clincher @ home to Hartlepool.
Sutton United. In the football league. Fuck a duck!
Torquay thinking they had it after winning 1-0 @ GGL.
Us thinking we might have blown it after that last min pen at Notts County.
The horrendous nerve shredding last couple of mins v. Woking.
The comedy keeper OG at Stockport. Cheers lad!
Watching Weymouth away on a laptop in O’Niells. Not the same!
Shouting the place down when Will Randall pinged in the winner @ Weymouth.
Cheam Sports and the Sutton TV tent. Cheers chaps!
Torquay seemingly scoring winners\equalisers after 95+ mins every game for about 1/2 a season.
Actually being in the ground for the Hartlepool game to seal the title.
Sutton United being a Football League club. No really!!
End of Season awards on the pitch.
Bye bye Fred Gee.
Operation ‘Barnet Sneaky Sneaky!’ on the last day.
Walking into Barnet and instantly spotting about 50 other Sutton faces!
Will Randall’s pitch length run and gola v. Borehamwood
Finally beating Maidenhead in a league game. Twice!
Louis John from inside his own half @ Maidenhead.
Packed into the ‘Tatey Arms’ for the Maidenhead game.
First ever win at Weymouth missed. Cheers Covid.
First win at Aldershot in 21years missed. Cheers Covid.
First win at Alty in 25years missed. Cheers covid.
First win in god knows how long over Maidenhead missed. Cheers Covid.
Car Park Cans!
Nicking Clive the Kit Man’s winners medal for photos.
“Erm, so where’s the trophy Bruce?”
Watching the Belarus Premier League in lockdown. Up the fucking Slutsk!
Easty in the last minute @ Halifax. Again!
The great COVID blackout of 2020.
Fucking 20 quid to get in at Borehamwood.
Totts nutting that tree in Alicante.
Turning up at Elche reserves 5 mins before KO to find the game moved a 20min walk away!
Getting battered at Billericay in that cup replay.
Tommy’s piledriver v. Harrogate. Bosh!
Alan Julian. What a c*nt.
Forres Mechanics. Colour cousins!
Ross Worner. Comedy viral video sensation v. Orient. Joy.
Having more supporter ‘groups’ these days than your average Serie A side.
Turkey Barry in Nottingham
Hartlepool at Home. The last game in London.
Mr X buying the wrong dated train tickets. Twice. Inside a month.
Somehow not getting done with 2 week out of date train tickets coming back from Torquay.
Dirty Barry’s Torquay Pool Party!
The Dagenham players giving us the shush after scoring. Knobends.
That Orient lad getting sent off for lobbing his boot at the ref!
Malc and his inflatables.
Taz stinking out Robbo’s room in Glasgow with a finely aimed fart!
Omar’s Boxing Day thunderbastard at Woking. Blimey.
45 minutes of carnage at home to Woking. 5-0!
Taz going arse over tit at Stockport. Almost no one saw it!
Mobbing up in the Canal House
He’s Big, He’s Geez, He’s fucking Lebanese!
Totts and his big Cuban Lah-de-Dahs.
Letting Alan Julian head a last minute equaliser for Billericay.
Beating Notts to the ‘Goals world cup’ on twitter. G’won Omar my son!
Coronation (chicken) Man.
Cultural exchange visits with a Higlhand League club. Mostly drinking.
That proper last legs, walking wounded, scratch side put out at Dover on the last day.
No home wins in god knows how long during 2019.
The great 2020 shutdown.
Getting stuck into the side at the final whistle at Barrow. KEEP GOING!
Finally getting the season started at Torquay.
Suddenly being unbeatable over Xmas all of a sudden!
Pizza envy every time from fellow passengers at Crewe.
Robbo putting that fucking song on every fucking home game.
Making sure Notts County didn’t rig that Vanarama goal wotsit on twitter.
Playing competitive games in England, Ireland, Scotland and Wales in 1 season.
“I definitely booked tables!” Mr X every time on awaydays when we don’t have tables on the train
4Days “three flushes and I gave up” revelation in Harrogate
“Who will pick your strawberries IAN?” Barrow away.
Crockett spending 70 mins in the bogs at Barrow ‘redecorating’
The Cash Out Crew
Monogrammed COCs polos. Steady on!
Easty’s winner at Hartlepool
The Irn Bru Cup. Just daft!
Doing Salford @ Home with 10 men
101 @ Airdrie
350 @ Bohemians
Fishbowls of alcopops in the Savoy, Glasgow. Not the hotel variety either!
Magnum PI missing Orient away after getting duffed up on a stakeout!
Nicky Bailey’s Magic, he wears a Magic Hat!
Dirty Barry’s Dogging Circle
“So, this Durty Barry then. Is he, loike, duuuuurty?” @ Paulton Rovers
Sutton Cocktail Crew
Ross Worner and his ‘Pro Evo’ keeper fuck up @ home to Orient
That Glasgow cabbie who thought we were up to do “Eggheads”
Easty in the 93rd minute @ Halifax
Easty in the 94th minute @ Boreham Wood
“Fuck Boreham Wood!”
Aaron Drinan in the last minute @ Wealdstone
The Eastleigh List
The geezer at Halifax and his Sutton supporting son
Dale Bennett disappearing over the barrier at speed. Hartlepool @ Home
Dalymount Park. Beautifully crumbly
“Suck on my chezzy balls you Southern cunt” Chesterfield away.
The Jamie Butler Fan Club
Always losing to fucking Maidenhead
Scrapping a 1-0 win at unbeaten Orient
Orient fans still crying about that 1-0 defeat about 4 months later
Gandermonium tat
“Barry’s Dogging Circle. Dirty!” AFC Fylde away
Lots of games with one fit defender. 2018/19 Season.
Pyro at Wealdstone
“We’re BACK!” Magnum’s remark after every vaguely ok performance, 2nd half of 2018/19
Roarie’s rocket hitting the bar against Arsenal.
Crewe pizzas.
The Eastmond aeroplane.
Nicky Bailey comes home!
That rumour about Yakubu was signing for us. He didn’t.
Someone getting a Yakubu henna tattoo while on holiday. Doofus!
Christopher Columbus on the team sheet.
Bedse doing the Zaza. What a shite penalty!
Ebbsfleet fans crying about Bedse’s peno celebration. Wah wah wah!
‘To Ebbsfleet’ becoming a verb.
Us having squad numbers. Hilarious!
Us having a LEAGUE game on live TV. Really??
Yet another Carshalton manager sacked under Dippy.
Lincoln City Away. First Conference win in 16 years.
The Bailey penalty. FGR away.
“Shit league with Sutton, you’re in a shit league with Sutton!”
Waiting on the result of a Celtic CL qualifier to find out if we’d be on telly again. Odd.
The Blackfriars Five
5 1/2hrs to get home from Borehamwood
FT sides complaining about the 3G. Usually after getting beat.
That mental cup tie @ Dartford
Getting 4 pens in 2 games!
Not being able to score a fucking penalty.
Southport’s pies.
Dos’ 500 games.
Battering sides, not scoring & then losing to their only shot.
Deacon in the 96th minute. Cheltenham. FA Cup.
Turning away Wombles for FA Cup tickets. Fun!
‘Back on the Shoebox Terrace Again’ Big hit!
Getting Gandermonium on BBC London Sport.
The Borehamwood journey home from hell. Thanks Thameslink.
Totts getting Gandermonium namechecked in the Standard, post Borehamwood
That last 15 minutes at Kingsmeadow against the Wombles. Insane.
The post-AFCW ‘lock in’ at GGL. Druuuunk!
Jamie Collins ice cool peno against Leeds.
“We beat Leeds!”
“Deacon’s on Fire, your defence is terrified!”
Seeing yourself on ITV news, pissed up, singing post-Leeds. Not a cool look!
The Sun’s post-Leeds ‘GANDERMONIUM’ headline. WTF?
Drunkenly interrupting a chat between Millsy & John Champion. Sorry!
8 hours to Barrow.
0-0 at Barrow. 1st Conference clean sheet in 56 games. 27 years!
Simon Downer’s 75mins in goal at Torquay.
Arsenal. At Gander Green Lane. No, really!
Fucking ‘Piegate’.
Fucking Sunbet sponsorship. Popular!
Belly missing the train to Solihull.
Leaving Chalmers behind at Solihull Moors.
Fucking 18 quid to get in at Borehamwood.
Fucking 21 quid to get in at Dagenham.
Spending more on 4 FA Cup matches than on a Season Ticket.
AFC Wimbledon @ GGL. FA Cup. Sold out.
Leeds @ GGL. FA Cup. Sold out.
Arsenal @ GGL. FA Cup. Sold out.
Arsenal bringing on Alexis Sanchez when 2-0 up.
Losing Derek in Newcastle.
Worst away record ever! 2016/17 season.
“You look like Stuart Fleetwood after 10 pints!”
The bird in the Anchor, Maidenhead thinking we were bowls players.
Stuart Fleetwood’s ‘Golden Boot’ chat up line.
The toilet paper emergency in The George
That fucking awful ‘penalty’ against Truro.
The poxy ‘keeper equalising @ Hemel.
Elliot Kaye. Take a bow son, worst ref we’ve seen since Joe Ross.
The Anchor, Maidenhead. Shocking, absolutely shocking.
“Dukey don’t camp!”
Craig Eastmond. What’s he doing playing for us?? Class.
Criag McAllister’s ‘Neymar’ against Havant
“Oi’ve only played ‘ere once and scored ‘ere once!” – Ross Stearn. Stortford away.
Ross Stearn’s cracker at Bath.
The drivers at Melvilles not even needing to ask where to drop us on a Saturday night
Taz always getting Collins & Cooper confused
Crispy Duck on the train home from Concord
The Anchor, Benfleet. The most Christmassy Pub in the World!
Maidstone away. What a performance
The ridiculous goal bundles @ Maidstone
Broken glasses @ Maidstone
‘The Run’ – 26 games unbeaten for the title
Nicking the 14ft Vanarama ‘Champions’ sign from the end of season party
Tombo sealing it late on at Truro
‘Watching’ WSM v Ebbsfleet on Flashscores at East Croydon station!
Mr X and his glass of White. Margate away
Over 3000 in for Ebbsfleet
Marky’s ‘Oxblood & Mustard’ shirt
Finally getting the ferry to Gosport
Greek throwing away his return ferry ticket in Gosport
Gosport’s shocking 1st minute penalty. Now somewhere in the Solent.
The roar of relief @ Wealdstone
Losing to fucking Godalming in the SSC, AGAIN.
“If you mention the SSC again, I’ll nut you!” Dos to Dukey.
36 Onion bhajis for the train home from Staines
Ricky Wellard’s ‘Kick Off’ goalscoring trick
Players made of glass
Will Spetch’s 5 minute long ‘retirement’
Luke Ruddick’s 5 minute long ‘retirement’
“We were there when Bignall scored!”
Always, ALWAYS being 0-0 at fucking Concord
After Eights in Hemel
AB’s blatant time wasting at Hemel
The keeper jumping into the crowd to get the ball because of AB’s time wasting!
Greek always moaning about walking past a pub away from home.
Every pub we go in because of Greek’s whining being a fucking shithole!
Magnum Tonic Wine. With added VIGORTON!
Getting the German bierkeller in Tower Hill doing the Conga
Somehow not getting chucked out of the bierkeller in Tower Hill
“I wasn’t there, but…”
The driest game in Berlin
Nick bleeding all over Berlin Mitte’s pitch
Full on police escort to TeBe!
Random Applause
Bad German Techno
‘Death by Dildo’
Bedsente Gomis. Player of the Year. SURPRISE!
Steve’s bag of fruity vodka based drink
Carshalton’s entirely original cheap season ticket deal
Carshalton going through 2-3 managers a season.
Slabber celebrating like he’d won the WC when scoring for Bromley against us (as predicted!)
The magnificent, but short lived ‘Mount Gander’ & it’s amazing panoramic views of PROWS!
Trying to get the German Cup final on the telly at the club. Effort!
Pizza deliveries to the players bar.
Jersey away for a PSF. Who’s daft idea was that?? 🙂
ID: The Musical
The 3G pitch
Drinking all the beer in the Jersey bar.
Tea by the sea
The Peztralka flag
Actually getting a visitor from Slovakia!
Finally winning at Stortford’s new place
Finally beating bloody Concord Rangers
Slabber’s header at Chelmo
Slabbs respecting his former employers Chelmo after his goal. Will prob do the same to us!
Always having to translate for Dukey when speaking to non-English English speakers
Getting to play alongside Able in the Supporters game. Swoon!
Meeting the Delije
Breaking into FK Vojvodina for a look around
The look of confusion on faces of Red Star Ultras when we told ’em we support Sutton Utd
Fucking Eastbourne and their fucking drum
Juan being one of the richest men in Belgrade
“Go back to your own country Sutton!” – Shouted at AFC Wimbledon. Er…
‘4 Days’
Two flights, three countries all for a game of football.
Watching Red Star win the league surrounded by 50,000 Serbs
“You DICK!”
Duke and his epic plate of Serbian meat.
Stickergate pt2
The John Rains Legends’ game, nuff said!
The new look Gander Green Lane
‘Enjoy the game’ Marky N’s catchphrase
Jamie Lawrence and the Real Ronaldo!
Duke and his KFC Gravy addiction
The ‘Dick of the day’ trophy, which lasted one away day.
Always seeming to start the season like an asthmatic ant with heavy shopping.
1 defeat in 21 after Xmas. 201314
Table football in the Black Boy, Winchester
Mr X waking up in Brighton after St Albans away
Dukey sleeping on Hassocks station after St Albans away
Nick waking up in Gatwick after St Albans away
Sticker on a strippers tit
Jam Doughnut shots, Maidenhead
Wardy getting the random bloke doing ‘The Binnsy’ on Brighton Pier
Wardy getting the huge doorman doing ‘Dundo’s gonna get ya!’ on Brighton Pier
Nick Bignall scoring!
Bignall in injury time at Farnborough
“I’ve been biting my tongue all season you cretin”
“Imagine I’m a mountain gorilla”
7hrs on the train to Hereford
The Great Hereford phone charger theft
Losing in the last minute seemingly every week
Phil the Dinosaur Supervisor
Alan Julian and the worst OG in the history of the world ever @ Hereford
The Rifle Volunteer, Maidstone. 1960’s-tastic!
“What Cider do you do?” “Well, I’ve got a can of Dry Blackthorn…..”
Runcorn FC
“Der der der der, Tony Taggart!”
“Der der der der, Marvin Williams!”
Playing darts against Mickey Stephens in the bar after the draw against Middlesbrough. I won 50p off him
Lynx deodorant in the ear
Getting interviewed by Belgian national TV outside Oostende’s ground
Belgian TV airing it!
Richard Evans lob at Chesham
Lowestoft away
Mick Cornwell breaking his leg
Notts County
Stafford Rangers
Efan’s Hat-trick v Barnet
Paul Rogers Wigan winner at Wembley
Finally getting to fly to a game at Truro
SUTTON ON TOUR Stickers. Everywhere.
The vomit onion
Never seeing any goals at Concord Rangers
Juan and his racist ‘mates’ at Kiddy
Stuck on a train at Kiddy and having a party
“You have just met the Sutton Shoebox Crew! Disappointed? Yeah, we get that a lot….”
The 3rd goal bundle at Hemel
Ali Fusieni’s daisy cutter at Hemel
Miller storming off to the worst pub in Hemel in a huff!
Tom Lovelock. Penalty save specialist.
Getting hammered after a reserves game and ending up in an Epsom strip club.
Dukey missing the M4 completely on the way home from Weston
Properly mobbed up outside the Lansdown Arms in Lewes.
Laughing at the RTA outside the  Lansdown Arms in Lewes.
Slabber into the crowd at Chelmsford
2-1 down to 4-2 up in the last 10 mins at Bromley
Ramming the “Can we play you every week?”chant back down Bromley’s throats
The bundle for Sinclair’s 2nd at Bromley
Winning a chunk of Gammon in a Farnboro pub meat raffle. This is the reason we don’t enter meat raffles.
Dundo whirling his shirt above his head after putting us 3-2 up in the last minute at Bromley
Dundo’s screamer against Chelmsford
Scoring after 2mins at Dover and spending the next 88 running down the clock
“Is he gay?” “What? The dog or the owner?”
Plastic Bertrand on the jukebox whenever possible
‘Stickergate’ at Dorchester
Dukey’s tinfoil Surrey Cup getting nicked with his car
The Dorchester Water feature incident
The Maidenhead Murder Squad and the crocodile shoes
Dukey’s weekly “Another ton done” lament
Missing the train home from Salisbury
Passing the time at Salisbury station by fucking about on the platform
Annoying the staff at Salisbury station by fucking about on the platform
Miller buying a 2nd hand pizza off a random bloke at Clapham Junction
Miller refusing to buy a £5 pizza off the Dominos man at H&W as they were “Too expensive”
Tom’s pint of hot, liquid apple pie.
Miller buying Juan a ‘Fruit Shoot’ when he asked for a ‘non-alcoholic beverage’
0-0 to 0-4 down in 13 mins. Wrexham at home in the Trophy.
Tom’s “Oi Jamie, man up! Just a scratch!” at Jamie Stuart after being poleaxed.
Always going 1-0 up in the last 5 mins at Hornchurch and never winning.
Katya the Russian linguist.
Pigeons on the tube.
Tom accusing Kayta the Russian linguist of being a Communist.
Drawing 0-0 AET in the freezing cold at Casuals in the SSC.
The ‘Battle of Chelmsford’. Lots of shouting, finger pointing over a gap of 30 yards & then the locals ran off.
“Old thumper please” “Is that a beer or do you want an ugly bird??”
Havant spoons. Counciltastic.
Dukey’s tinfoil cup.
Dukey’s tinfoil cup actually existing.
The Dukey action figure concept.
“Tom….fuck….Mark….oh what’s your fucking name?”
Playing ‘wanker’ on the train away from home.
“He’d love this pub. They’re playing Right Said Fred and it’s full of geezers”
‘Wise Men Say’ karaoke. We hate karaoke.
No names, NO NAMES!
Mr X.
The lazy Dover scoreboard operator.
Kicking a knackered & very flat ball all the way from GGL to the pub in the High St.
Someone ‘stealing’ a toilet seat from the ladies loo when there’s about 8 police in the pub.
Ali Fuseni.
Tom Lovelock. Penalty saver extrordinare!
The Juan family SUFC historical porn archive.
Losing to Godalming AGAIN in the SSC final.
Dukey’s hour long sulk after losing to Godalming AGAIN in the SSC final.
9 straight wins in April.
Dundo winning everything at the end of season do.
“We were there when Macca scored!”
Powerboating on the Wandle
Tom & Miller terrorising the poor Huddersfield fans on the train back from Bath
Coventry fans at Basingstoke.
Singing “Walking in a Hanlan wonderland!” at the Coventry fans at Basingstoke
The young Cov fans wanting a fight and the older ones just wanting to cry
“Martin Ling? Never bought me a drink!”
“Jolly was your hero, Jolly was your hero la la la la!”
Rick Stein being unimpressed at queueing with hungover U’s fans at Newquay aiport
A fiver to get out of Cornwall!
Leroy’s GUNSHOW after most games
Delivering Leroy’s celebratory drink to the changing rooms and getting soaked in championship champagne
Realising you’re still pissing about on the pitch with the championship cup 45 mins after the final whistle. Without the team.
The slightly wonky Ryman Premier Division trophy. Wasn’t us, honest guv!
Oh and the dents had nothing to do with us either!
Minging cans of M&S gin & tonic
Getting bummed 5-0 on the opening day to Woking. Ooops!
Nick dumping his Budvar dregs over the chavs head in Truro
Watching a wet chav jumping to try & make up for the height difference to punch Nick outside Truro Spoons
Dragging the newly wet chav away from Nick by his hoodie outside the pub in Truro
Newly wet chav & his mates backing away from a fight when they realised there was actually about 10 of us
Nick getting chased round Truro to the next pub by newly wet chav and his mates
Live on ESPN
Being mildly disappointed with Doncaster away in the 3rd round whilst live on ESPN
Not being able to score a chuffing penalty!
The Leatherhead FAC tie. Epic, but never again thank you!
Salisbury @ home. 5-0. One of those special nights with every one a worldy.
The lights going out at Casuals.
“Jolly is a champion, Jolly is a champion, Lalalalala”
Belly needing THREE takes to get the correct date & year of the Coventry game for ESPN!
“Steve McKimm, is a winner, is a winner”
The Borehamwood NYD monsoon.
Going from 3700 for Notts County at home to 104 away at Epsom within 48hrs
South Park away. “Where’s Kenny?”
Getting Notts County in the Cup. Again!
Bar billiards in the Jolly Coopers
Celebrating for about 10 minutes while waiting for Craig Watkins effort to hit the back of the net @ Leatherhead
The Kettering goal bundle
Dos’ impromptu Q&A at Tonbridge
Someone who shall remain nameless trying to break a Bud bottle with his forehead. The bottle won.
Buckets of KFC on the train home. Nom nom nom.
Squashed Frogs
The Ginger suite
“Fuck it, I’m going to vote Nick McKoy for player of the year”
Tom getting stopped in Tonbridge sainsburys for chatting up the security guard’s bird who was on the till
Tom missing the last direct train home from Tonbridge thanks to that security guard
“Fucking hell 2, that challenge was so late we were all sitting round opening presents and sipping egg nog!”
Turtle Power!
“Wiiiiiiise men say…….”
More Squashed Frogs
Discussing culling the livestock at Godstone Farm on the way to Tonbridge.
Making the Blackburn fans leave the pub because they lost to Palace. Disgraceful!
Getting blamed for Nick’s c-bomb at Truro
Tom. The Peacemaker!
No more Squashed Frogs thank you very much
“Is that a euphamism?”
Tom leaving his phone in a Staines cab and then phoning it to leave himself an abusive voicemail
Being persuaded to start this shit up again
“Can you hear the fat c*nt sing?”
Meeting someone from Sutton on our travels absolutely every away game, usually the landlord of a pub!
Almost the whole away support @ Staines telling the ‘keeper where Kavs free-kick was going. Still couldn’t stop it.
Random fans in the Falcon @ Clapham
Going ape behind the goal after Lenny put us 3-1 up at Peterborough & nearly killing my son in the process!
Winning the Bob Lord trophy in a mud bath
Running round the pitch like a loony after the Coventry match, and seeing myself on MOTD doing it!
The grub laid on for the away supporters/team by Plymouth after we won there in the Youth Cup!
‘Edgar’ Awaritife’s wonder goal at Kettering!
Nicky Bailey – Youth Team to first team, totally fantastic.
Naz what a goal scorer.
Maccas goal against Aldershot
6-0 need I say more
Kevin Keegan playing at GGL
Norman Milne’s wonder goal! Better than Glens against K’s?
Matty on the wing
Stuart Helmsleys goal from the half way line
TR playing in goal
JR lifting the Championship Shield
Micky (able) Stephens skill
Lenny’s elbows
Dave Seaman at Sutton giving my son his gloves after a game v Wimbledon reserves
My three kids as mascots
Mark Golley’s goal V Middlesbrough
Andy Scotts pace
Curly’s hair
The ball hitting the oppositions net
Rushden away esp Aiden Newhouse’s goal And the players celebrating at the end!
Aylesbury away – the tension going there then the 10-man rout!!
Woking away FA Trophy ‘75 – Me and my friend Richard won vodka and wine in the draw on the supporters’ coach – what a game!!
Steve Watson’s goal vs Purfleet that put the championship in reach
Long grass at Ashford
Chris Boothe shouting ‘boo!’ at Thame & claiming he was calling for the ball
Sorenson – great
Nko Ekoku chasing the ref
To ‘Blue Moon’ at Woking – them: ‘we really need three points’ – us : ‘we need them more than you’
The Wind at Ford Sports Daventry
Cycling to Dorchester away (a minority interest I know)
Going to watch Efan Ekoku at FC Lausanne & finding he’d been transferred to Sheff Weds the day before.
Murray Jones throwing his shirt at JR
Wearing our scarves tied around our wrists in the tasteless 70’s
Colin Simpson’s goal and run at Purfleet
Mark Watson missing that pen at Hayes
Jon Nurse at Kettering!!!
Being unfortunately otherwise engaged through the 1980’s.
‘Dave’ at Bognor
Eastbourne FA cup match
Driving all the way to Newport to see one hell of a game
The way Rains holds his papers behind his back
The website forum.
Falling over at Imber Court trying to get onto the pitch
Getting thrown out at Woking Crying to get back in at Woking
6-0, we beat the scum 6-0
Iga, Gray, Akuamoah, Palmer, Jinadu, Honey, Quinton, Bailey, Fowler, J Nurse, Boosey.
The team early 2004.
‘United we Stand’
The youth system.
The relegation party 2000.
Basingstoke away 1/5/2004
Eddie’s goal v K’s April 2002
Boosey’s goal v K’s April 2004
Danny Bolt’s free-kicks
Rose’s Tea Hut
Choclate and Amber
Wycombe Away Trophy 93
Getting duffed up at Merthyr station
Surrey senior cup wins
McKinnon’s aldershot header
Picking up Harry Redknapp after he fell to the floor whilst taking a look at Efan Ekoku
Arriving at Norwich thinking we could actually beat them
Surprising wins (eg Darlington)
Hearing Micky Cornwell’s leg break against Walton and Hersham
Pegging it over the wall at Aylesbury when their fans ran across the pitch to us in 88
Vernon Pratt
Carey Anderson
Braindead paying by cheque at Wealdstone in the peeing rain
Fisher Athletic’s lego ground
Mr Saunders, ref with no arms sending lenny off at welling in 88
Able cutting his knee on a coke can on the pitch at the same game
The sutton ‘surge’
Enfield’s old ground
Middlesbrough game, where we were the better team
Stuart Hemsleys long free kicks
Stuart Masseys stongs runs on the right
Paul McKinnon (again!)
Blunty giving us the v sign after the Carshalton SSC defeat
FA Cup 4-0 V dagenham
The muted celebrations after winning the Bob Lord Trophy
Gateshead 9-0…all so easy Winning away from home!
Comedy non league grounds
Weymouth away this season and the cold chips
The braindead stalking
Heavily sanded penalty areas
Scorecheck texting me Sutton results
Crap friendlies
Being the best team in the borough
Oh yes, and Paul McKinnon…..
My grandfather, my mum, my dad, my sister, my brother. Bob Budd, Kiddo, Matt Vinyl, AB, Hutch etc etc etc ad infinitum
A couple of girlies (no names!)
Being part of something that is worthwhile, rewarding, frustrating, glorious, humiliating, joyous & sorrowful.
Swearing & Joe Ross (funny how they come together!)
Italy – Primus stove, winning, European trains, losing on penalties, Micky Stephens, winning on penalties, piss up with your heroes.
Hillingdon Borough.
Leeds Utd
Terry Howard, trevor Bladon, Ted Powell, Micky Mellows, Rod Brookes
The 1970 SSC Final replay
The 80’s.
The FA Cup
The Rains Bros, Joycey, Macca, Curly, Mike Cornwell, The Golleys, Ray Sunnucks
Losing at Yeovil (didn’t matter)
Beating K’s to win the league.
Barrie Williams & Peter Molloy (the dream team)
John Clarke, Jim Cramp, Vaggy, Simon Webb, Johnno, Eddie (Roschmann) Fisher
Norman Milne at Stortford, Micky Stephens at Harrow, Macca against Bath
Dom Feltham
Lenny kicking the advertising hoarding at Telford (great minds etc)
Running on the pitch to confront face to face countless ref’s over the seasons (should’ve been banned years ago!).
4000 plus proggies
Aylesbury 2000. Nassim & “Blondie, Blondie, what’s the score?” Fat git Vosper.
Darlington away – we lost but were well looked after afterwards.
Middlesbrough, Peterborough, Aldershot, Notts County, Colchester, Torquay, AFC Bournemouth. Oh, yeah… Coventry.
Enfield (ugh)
The slope of Loakes Park
Ashford in SSC a few years ago & likewise Thame United
Any win over Robins, the rivalry that used to exist with T&M.
Beating K’s
Nursey Bailey Gray Honey our excellent youth set up.
Phil Dunne.
Basically it means the last 35 years of my life.
Coach trip back from Bangor City.
Drinking Old Freds Whiskey after the Trophy Final.
Getting free drinks at the booze up after when two OAPS thought I had been a sub at Wembley.
Scoring twice in the last 5 mins against Stortford to give me my first visit to a league ground with U’s.
Joyce’s goal against Swindon, in fact all his goals. Always looked although he was about to fall over.
Being told off by Mark F too many times to remember in my younger days for being stupid.
Running away from Aylesbury fans after winning 1-0 and holding on for what seemed a week.
Getting told off by my dad for bunking school so I could get to away games.
Paul Macca’s shots. Scary when they were not on target.
Merstram in the mud, old man stopped the ball with his walking stick from going in the net.
Last seasons squad (2003).
Trying to deny to myself that Swindon’s last minute winner actually went in but hit the post instead.
The old wooden stands that used to rock backwards and forwards with more than 3 people in them.
Being ejected from the ground by a bobby during an Anglo Italian match.
By the time I got back in wearing a disguse they’d had about 4 players sent off. (What match was that?).
Losing about 5-2 AET at Worcester City it was like there was elastic on the ball just kept pulling it into our net in extra time.
Thrashing Addlestone 8-0 after losing 3-0 to them at home the previous year.
Larry Prichards Testimonial & one of the best setup testimonial goals I have ever seen.
Saturday night disco’s in the club house. 3 inches of beer on the floor.
Standing in torrential rain at Tooting & Mitcham for the whole game.
Getting asked out by Mickey Joyce’s sister & getting a lift in “Michael’s” Capri.
Getting totally drunk and acting a prat in front of Mickey Joyce’s whole family.
Getting dumped by Mickey Joyce’s sister.
Being offered the whistle by the referee at Grays one year and trying to take it.
Getting to GGL early one morning to clear the pitch of snow for a game against Wycombe.
Match against Wycombe being abandoned after 20mins because the bit we did froze solid!
Seeing Glen Hoddle and Ossie Ardilles play at GGL.
Watching the girls play hockey on the pitch next door at Woking.
The Rains Brothers.
The Golley brothers.
Larry Pritchard.
Wembley ’63. Eddie Reynolds. 4 headers.
Home to the shots FA cup 64. Lost 4-0.
Leeds .
Lenny scoring away at Peterbrough, jumping on the raillings and us hugging him through the bars.
Wembley 69 – North Shields. 80 – B. Stortford.
Radfords goal on 90 mins. Bastard.
Mark Golley being laid out by a perfect uppercut.
Paul thornton putting both Bobbins keepers out of action in one match!.
Always wanting to come down to Sutton because I would see it from the train when visiting my grandparents.
Micky Joyce (first hero)
John Rains plonker (don’t ask!).
Steve Galloway
Lots & lots of cup finals (Surrey, London, League)
My first appearance as a ball boy
Watching players come up from reserves and establish themselves in first team.
Matt Hanlan. Who I always felt sorry for being played out of position and took a lot of flak.
Andy Sunnucks trying to kick the ball towards the advertising board in frustration after going out of play. Sadly I was in the way.
Larry Pritchard & Ron Fearon. Always said thank you when the ball was thrown back to them.
Making a comeback as a ball boy at a reserve game. I must have been about 27.
Nigel hitting the bar at Middlesborough and the reception from the Boro fans after, waving our coaches away.
The coppers hanging out the police van waving as we carried on our way home without our police escort.
Being stopped on the bypass at 3am walking home after ‘Boro “Excuse me sir can I ask where you’ve been tonight?” “Yes officer. Middlesbrough” Look on his face!
New signings every week under Alan Gane.
The football we played………Just like watching Brazil……..sometimes.
Trophy run finishing against Wycombe.
Trophy run finishing against K’s.
Rushden trophy game…… Starting the chant towards the Rushden fans of “Who the f*cking hell are you”.
Absolutely hating the last 10 minutes of that match.
9 v 9 against the K’s. Ref takes everyone off to calm down. Soon as we restart Steve Watson fouls a hoop. Off you go Mr W.
Aylesbury 1999. Sat in the car afterwards letting it all sink in.
The class of 2003/2004…….If only eh?
Two minute rant at George Borg whilst he was getting himself sent off last season. No swear words used!
The dread before Eastbourne. Elation after (Next star to be discovered should be called Vagg 04).
Consistently failing to get more than four words out of Nicky Bailey no matter how hard I tried.
Knowing that every time Nursey drops in at the club I can jokingly say “traitor”.
Being one of the reasons Matty Fowler got booked after his hat-trick in the 6-0 v. the Bobbins!
The “This is great, sod the beer after, I’m going home for a w*nk” comment at said game.
Getting to explain the six-nil t-shirt to the unknowing.
Setting up the Mark Watson fan club and then being one of four members.
Watson netting two at Harrow, the long and confusing way we ended up getting home Braindead or many of the Mark Watson haters.
Watson’s last ever Sutton goal being a tap in he is so famous for missing.
Rainsy getting rid of those past their best and bringing in the new. Led to the best Sutton team I have seen.
The wingback system finally working!
Matty Gray looking gormless.
Watching Danny Bolt kick a ball straight over the fence for no apparrent reason at Sevenoaks.
Being hit smack in the face by Pape practicing goal kicks at Hayes.
Losing at St Albans again. One day I will see us win there.
Getting the whole penalty shoot out at Stortford over the phone because I couldn’t afford to go.
Hearing about Billericay away over the phone because I still had no money.
Nursey scoring a screamer against the Bobbins in the SSC game. Utter brilliance.
Beating Aylesbury 6-0 after promising Matt Fowler jaffa cakes if he scored a fifth goal, he did.
The many, many, many penny sweets and Tobi’s goal at Hitchin.
The rubbish start to March 2003 and then the awesome return to form at Canvey.
My Canvey Island v Sutton United DVD
Every single journey on the players coach, great atmosphere.
Every single goal.
Singing “Conference South la, la, la” and “Bye, bye, to the Ryman League” at Basingstoke.
Feeling weirdly anti-climatic after the SSC final 2003.
First ever game being one of my earliest memories, came in for free at half time, no idea of score or players.
Being blissfully unaware that in the few games when I was little I saw some of the best Sutton players ever.
Missing every really important game in the championship season ‘cos my parents wouldn’t let me go.
Vowing never to miss any important game ever again and knowing I’ll stick to it.
The whole conference season, woeful but captivating in a car crash sort of way.
Random hugging at the Dover Trophy game (’94)
“Watching” the Rushden result come in on ceefax.
Throwing something at Geoff Chapple and hitting him, too fat to notice.
Bolty’s free kicks.
Nko hitting out at that ref.
Dave Harlow scoring a screamer in a home win against the Bobbins.
Eddie scoring agaisnt K’s, running the length of the pitch swinging his shirt around his head.
Another SSC win & being twenty yards ahead of everybody else in the pitch invasion.
Mark Watson’s 100th goal. Against K’s!
Coming back from Northwood and having proper beer for the first time at Victoria station Wetherspoons.
Jon Nurse, every single second.
Boosey running round the whole of K’s team!
Six Nil.
Wearing the t-shirt.
Forest Green away, so, so loud and seeing the lads turn up in the England coach, confusingly impressive.
Canvey Island being walked all over by Sutton.
Bailey’s thrice-taken penalty at Canvey.
The awesome end part of last season (2004).
Destroying Heybridge to help kill the bitterness from the previous FA cup defeat.
Hearing the other results as we ripped into Basingstoke.
Watching the change in Taz’s face before he shouted alerting us to the fact we were runners up!
Losing loads of the team over the summer but still knowing whoever we end up with we’re still better than K’s & Carshalton.
Hilarious pre-season triallist names, Hubert etc.
Getting a train back from my holiday in Wales to watch a 0-0 draw with Eastbourne.
Flying back from Holland with a hangover to Bristol, running for train to Newport, getting stuck in the door, singing, Winning!
Dorchester, singing and being told “Arggh, you be civilised” when we informed a Dorchester bloke we came by car.
Eastbourne, bought many drinks by random drunk.
Bognor’s Premier burger and the whole evening.
Scarf hats!
Braindead eating the chips thrown at him in Weymouth.
Somebody: “Referee you’re a c*ck!” Taz: “And not a very big one either!”
Gale force winds at Ford Sports Daventry.
Getting totally lost at Heybridge turned round to see Paul Clark and his dad had followed us!
Following the coach at Kidderminster then realising the coach was lost as well.
Chatting to the same bunch of people every week barely even knowing their first names.
Rose (and her cheese and onion rolls!).
Half time entertainment of watching people get caught out by the puddle in front of Securicor terrace after it’s rained.
Doing the duck walk at Aylesbury.
Thinking we’d lost at Kidderminster. Dad then mentioned a disallowed goal and replay on the way home!!!
George Borg – pure entertainment
Watching the champions sing karaoke including JR (1999).
Forest Green-brilliant free kick and then the lights going out.
Nko chasing after Joe Ross.
Watching the dog watch the game at Basingstoke.
The ladies toilet at Bracknell!!!
Rushden and Diamonds. Trophy away.
Notts County.
Bolty, Gray, Nassim, Dom, Smarty, Nurse.
The 6-0 (and the t-shirt).
Arriving at most away games before most people have even left home.
Listening to results on way home and singing to the Sports Report tune if we have had a good game.
Twenty two man brawl on my first game against Bromley.
Fearon in pen pics saying he liked dressing up in women’s clothes.
Sam, Don, Kel. Byrne, Quail, Thomas (also smiling at Hayes having dived for a peno), Dom.
Singing “You’re so vain” at Andy Wallace, the Golley’s, Cossie.
Being in Anglesey at closing time after relegation at Northwich.
Exeter, Bradford.
Nassim, Nursey, Bailey, Gray.
The motorcyclist incident on way to Dover.
Shopping trolley at ‘Muff.
Hereford high street on end of phone to Taz as Nko scores at Rushden.
Colchester and Fitz giving their fans some.
Wycombe. Trophy SF 1st leg.
Moreton Rangers.
Colin’s driving.
Sutton United Football Club and the family of friends that we are.
”FOA Millsy” & the forum meltdown that followed!
Jim green and White Iceman Herron etc on the Forum!!
Wycombe away.
Colchester away.
John Motson describing my little league pitch as ‘a bleak park pitch’.
Hearing my horn on match of the day for the Coventry game.
Matt Hanlan getting sent off v Northwich for spitting.
Going to GGL the week after the Coventry game and thinking where have 7000 people gone!
Losing to K’s in the trophy semi.
Playing football on a pitch behind the ground during ET v Dulwich in some cup game. It was that dull!
Yeovil away.
Winning 1-0 v Stortford (at St Albans) when we won promo. The coldest I’ve ever been at a Sutton game!
Someone climbing the floodlight Aldershot home in the FA Cup.
Sean Priddle.
Hoping that one day Sutton will draw Bournemouth in the FA Cup again.
K’s webpage “Six (Nil) useful links” after relegation in 2000. Oh the irony in 2001!
Aylesbury away 1999.
Still telling anyone who will listen that Sutton were the last non league team to beat a top flight club.
Getting hit in the face by the ball at a home game as I went to catch it!
Wondering if we will ever make the 1st round of the cup again.
Being shown the gap in the fence by the skateboard ramp and sneaking in with a future SUFC midfielder.
Amber’s Dad running out of petrol on the way back from Norwich.
Lenny jumping in the car leaving Fisher Athletic.
Thinking I was the only one who saw Curly get chinned at Dagenham.
Being told off by Albert for singing naughty songs as a youngster (me, not Albert).
‘One nil down and two one up’ at home against Cheltenham (Albert probably told us off then as well).
Going to Barnet all the way on the Northern Line from Morden.
Obvious Coventry moment.
Jared being thrown out at Woking.
Never liking Skelly.
John Rains over-ruling Bruce & crossing out a prospective reservation to book my 30th in the VPs himself!
Being rude to Bangs at LP’s testimonial.
Tony Parkes in goal for Spurs.
The A4 folded amber programme of the early 70’s.
My dad and brother going to Hillingdon without me.
Ricky Kidd v Bournemouth.
Hayes own goal from the halfway line.
Huge games at Sandy Lane.
SSC final v Tooting at Richmond.
Road Ricky Kidd scoring a vital winner against Hitchin in the dark years.
Wembley v Stortford.
Barrie Williams and his pipe.
Having 10 years taken off my life expectancy at Walthamstow.
Beating Yeovil to the league.
Middlesbrough home and away.
Macca against everyone, but especially Bath City.
Edgar at Kettering.
8-0 v Kettering.
Celebrating Lenny’s goal at Runcorn in unusual style.
Frickley and the slag heap in the rain.
Alf Buksh blowing the final whistle.
Playing badly in a 1-1 draw with Merton Rangers the day after THAT game with a very sore head.
Every FA Cup triumph/every FA Cup disaster.
Lenny at Aylesbury.
Nassim at Aylesbury.
Enfield’s 6 and Dulwich’s 5 (in the last 20 mins) at GGL.
0-0 v Epsom.
Barking, Yeading,Wycombe in the trophy.
Two relegations.
Heybridge, Stortford, Bromley (triumph and disaster as equal imposters!)
Feeling a part of it all and sharing the joy and despair with people I count among my best friends.
Saturday Afternoon’s Gander Green Lane.
Having my Strikers Club prize presented to me by Dacky.
Invading the pitch after winning the Surrey Senior Cup 2003.
Cleevely’s ponytail.
Bolty’s free-kicks.
Nicky Bailey- nuff said.
Boosey’s goal against the K’s- when he left them all on the floor – class!
The 4-2 at Newport.
Beating the Bobbin’s.
The Last Game of last season (2004).
The dream team still intact and beating Basingstoke 5-0.
Chocolate and Amber.
The look you get as you walk around in public in a home shirt.
Being in a foul mood in Paris last February, while everyone was at the Canvey game!
Finally seeing said Canvey Match on DVD and laughing at the penalty fiasco.
When you miss a match and you get a call to say we’ve won.
The Rains Brothers.
Matt Hanlan- God.
Knowing that no matter what, just by supporting Sutton, you will always be better than any Carshalton fan!
The way waiting for a match can help pull you through a really boring week.
Winning the raffle on the Supporters Coach.
The BIG flag.
That bloody crossbar at Middlesbrough.
Hillingdon or Sutton versus rustle rustle oooohhh Leeds United.
That poxy bloody crossbar at Middlesbrough.
The mighty John Delaney in a Sutton shirt.
That poxy poxy bloody sodding crossbar at Middlesbrough.
The adrenalin rush arriving for the Anglo Italian final in Chieti.
I hate crossbars.
The hyper ventilation on winning in Chieti.
By the way I still hate crossbars.
Norman Milne – say no more!
”Just to show how easy it is” — the announcer at Harrow when they scored their 4th.
Arriving at Darlington after 7 hours only to see the ‘match off’ sign.
Going back to Darlington in midweek a few weeks later to see Sutton swamped.
Eric Young’s (Slough) tackle to put Mickey Joyce out of the Trophy final.
Andy Pape. Loathed and loved.
Thanks to the fog that descended to save our hides v Bishops Stortford.
Thanks to the snow that fell to save our hides v Redhill.
5 extra time goals v Tooting.
Larry Pritchard.
He stoops, he soars, he heads, he scores – Peter Drabwell v Whitley Bay.
Pure magic Dickie Guy, Wimbledon Keepers’ famous feigned injury to deny Sutton beating Wimbledon – never forgiven.
Harrow – Only game called off in the south east due to a waterlogged pitch when they had injury and suspensions.
Edgar lamping Andy Pape!
Matt Vinyl’s bag of piss on the supporters coach when he couldnt wait for the toilet.
Losing at home to Witney.
Standing behind the goal at the mudbath of Billericay.
Seeing the best team in Europe (Leeds) at the time walk out onto GGL.
Mick Mellows.
Big Dom.
Hating ‘Simply the Best’ when played at Chesham.
The homemade soup at Runcorn.
The meat and potatoe pies at Northwich.
Drinking Rose’s undrinkable tea.
“You’re not very good” sung by K’s fans to the U’s
“You’re not very good” sung by U’s fans to the K’s
Leeds and Carnegie College steel band consisting of dustbin lids.
Last minute goals.
The last minute goal by Swindon when replay details were being announced on the PA.
Having a lid when scoring at Torquay.
Using my young son as a human rocket when equalising at Notts County.
Catching my young son before he landed on bods below Ahh Notts County.
County player punching the ball from Fitzroy’s hands for the winner – never forgiven.
Flying to Jersey for one night to see a friendly which we drew 0-0.
The heroes of Spennymoor.
Wally Waite being chased round the ground at Spennymoor.
Spennymoor hoods smashing the windows of what they thought was our supporters coach, but it was one of their own.
Willing the next match to come after we have lost!
Wishing I hadn’t seen the next match which we then lost!
North Shields URGGH
Bishops Stortford URGGH URGGH
Slough, Chesham, Harrow, Stevenage URGGGHHHHHHH
Crack. Ted Powell’s broken leg at Leytonstone.
Arriving 20 minutes late for the Amateur Cup semi-final at Crystal Palace Blah!
Why we really bother – Everything to do with Sutton United.
By the way I still hate crossbars.
Mark Frake – Sutton Through and through.
Alan Ives Having a piss against the metal sheet that was the toilet behind the bank at Collingwood Road – It might still be there.
9 goals against Bromley.
Using the chips at Gateshead as arrows for the dartboard.
Gateshead’s catering lady saying “you southern softies” when complaining about said rock hard chips.
Being chased by groundsman Clary Bridges from the earth mounds in the car park when I was 8.
Discharging myself from hospital on a Saturday morning in order to see us play at home to Hitchin!
Frakey’s mum berating the Barking goalie. “You’re not injured, get up!” only for him to be carried off with a double leg fracture.
Mark’s mum again always turning her back when the opposition got near our goal, saying “I can’t watch, I can’t watch”.
One eyed Tony Mason.
Kelly, Jelly, Golley
Bishop Auckland in a midweek replay.
The wooden shack that was the supporters club hut.
Taylor and Gamblin.
“The fans were as quiet as mice” – comments in the press after our North Shields defeat.
Being treated like royalty by Barrie Williams and the players when in France for the Noisy Le Sec French tournament.
Mayors reception after the win against Coventry.
Andy Iga’s great penalty save at Bishops Stortford being ruled out, BLAH.
Fred Budd for taking me down to GGL in 1960 – cheers Dad.
Prince Naz.
The Prestwich Hayes rockets.
11 goals against Clapton.
Losing 8 – 0 to Norwich – who cares we beat Coventry.
Borrowing cash in order to get to Italy AGAIN.
Smithy down under – how are you mate?
Mud, Sweat and plenty of Tears.
’79 Anglo Italian Cup.
Our wonderful kit.
Mickey Joyce 11 V Leatherhead see above!
Norman Milne!
Gavin Fraser
Bobby Green
Dave Collyer begging to take a pen every time we got one.
Larry P’s testimonial.
Freezing my nuts off during a reserve game in the snow (See Above).
Fire in stand V Stortford in 81 FA Cup replay.
Barry W letting me sit in the dugout away V Harrow 1982.
The poor bin at Wivenhoe.
White coats at Chesham.
Simon Quail’s gloves.
Andy “Dracula” Harris.
Beating Wycombe 3-2…magic. Losing 4-0 in the 2nd leg…gutted.
Alan Gane. worst manager in Suttons history IMO. Barry Williams…the best.
Sharing train with Lennie Dennis to Birmingham.
Picking up Efan in my Taxi!
Arguing with a Wimblegone fan over Efan Ekoku’s nickname.
Me & all the blokes going to watch Sutton on my wedding day, leaving all the women at the reception. Lost 2-0 at home to Hendon!
Having no other woman was mentioned in my divorce papers….but SUFC were!
3 old boys always on the fruit machine!
John “Carrot” (Club Steward!).
Paul Mckinnon.
John Mckinnon.
Barry Aplin “Come on Sutton, Come on Lads”.
Getting it on with a girl in the dugout one night.
The Golleys!
My Ex-teacher, who was from Cov, giving a drunken speech after staying at the party after we beat Coventry.
My tv interview.
Notts Couny away….Steve Cherry…******!
Marlow away FA Cup!…awful.
My stand up row with Gane after said match.
Kingstonian away…FAT SF…FFS
6-0 V Scum!
Bringing Cossie to Sutton.
Playing for Sutton.
Being made a Sub when playing against Sutton because of who we were playing!
Yeovil matches in the 80’s 3-1 away and 5-1 at home.
Kettering 8-0.
Bath 7-2.
Graham Roberts when at Enfield throwing tea at us after we were slagging him off.
9-0 at Gateshead!
Robin Seagroatt.
Geoff Moxey.
Playing headers and volleys in the Car Park after matches.
Sleepovers at friends usually meant en-mass in the main stand.
Playing World Cup at midnight on the hallowed turf.
Shagging on the centre spot.
Mum locking me out one night so kipped in my car in the car park. Woke up surrounded by cars as a SSCF was being played!
Getting kicked off the fruit machine by Brenda because I was underage….every week!
Brendan’s Discos.
Losing the 54/55 surrey senior cup final at Selhurst to Wimbledon in front of 10,000 fans.
Winning the South of Thames cup at Bromley the same year.
Listening to Sir Stanley Rous make the draw for the third round away to Hillingdon Borough.
Listening to Sir Stanley Rous make the draw for the fourth round, winners at home to Leeds.
Listening to the BBC news when it was announced that we would not play the game at Leeds but at GGL.
Sitting next to Don Revie at Hillingdon in a stand that held 125 people.
Listening to Revie at GGL for the replay saying that he thought the professional team (Hillingdon) would win.
Being a ball boy when Malcom Allison was the manager.
Sharing a bottle of whiskey with Eddie Reynolds in Toronto 1995. He of the four headed goals at Wembley.
Telling him how he ruined my day.
Attending his funeral a few years later and explaining to his Canadian wife what Eddie had done that day at Wembley.
The final against North Shields when we had played them off the park.
Dario Gradi’s disallowed goal in the same match.
My first ever Sutton game. v Marine in the Amateur Cup.
Going to Rosehill with my Dad and seeing all Supporters Club Coaches lined up for the fianal v North Shields.
v Hillingdon in the replay.
v Leeds. Then seeing myself on Match of the Day.
v Kingstonian in about 1970, snow on the ground and throwing a snowball at the K’s winger. We won 5-0.
My first away trip with the U’s to Bromley in about ’73.
The Shoebox.
My mate swinging out the back of The Shoebox to get a cup of tea and landing straight in one of the old wire waste paper bins.
Cup of tea and a mars bar at half time at Rose’s.
A couple of skirmishes against Wimbledon.
Tuesday night games at GGL(Oct- Feb any season) freezing, my nadgers off at the Collingwood Road End.
All the regular supporters standing in their regular spots. And saying the same old comments.
Clive Soper.
Darren and his dog Eric. Whatever happened to big D?
Games against Hayes in the mid 80’s when the Golley brothers kicked lumps out of Ian Parsons.
Steve Bangs scoring a very late goal at the CRE and running behind the goal to celebrate only to find no one there!
Games against Yeovil.
Being in Denmark the day we played Coventry.
Listening to Radio 2 (?) for Conventry updates on a piss poor Danish 1950’s radio with shocking reception.
Drawing 4-4 at Aylesbury in the pissing rain after being 4-1 down.
Losing 6-2 at Morcambe. Should’ve been 16-2!
Nicking the ‘Sutton Utd’ sign from Chesham about 3 seasons running.
Howells preventing it being 10 or 12 at Morcambe.
Lennie Dennis.
Clinching the title 5-0 at home against Aldershot.
Sloshing around in the mud on the pitch after that game.
Andy Pape.
Andy Pape playing for us!
Les Cleevely.
Les Cleevely playing for us!
Escaping over the wall at Aylesbury.
January 8th 1989.
Matt Hanlan’s rubbish goal celebration!
“Kick Speedie!”
Norwich fans singing “We want 9” at Carrow Road & us responding “We want 1!”.
The ‘Blunt’ poem in the portaloo behind the Collingwood Rec terrace.
3-1 at Rushden, Trophy QF.
3-2 at Wycombe Trophy SF 1st leg.
Feeling sick after 0-4 v Wycombe Trophy 2nd leg.
6-0 at K’s.
Standing in the pissing rain at K’s, staying to the bitter end & seeing all 6 go in.
Peter Byrne.
Peter Byrne’s Dad winning the pools.
Darren Broderick. Dear god, WHY?
“F*ck off Pitcher, f*ck off Pitcher”.
“We know a song that’ll get on your nerves”.
Joffa & Hynesy scoring at Kiddy.
Invading the pitch at Torquay.
Gary Thomas’ winner at Newport 1994.
Invading the pitch to celebrate Gary Thomas’ winner at Newport 1994.
Mark Costello, sent off earlier, being part of the pitch invasion for Gary Thomas’ winner at Newport!
Almost 90 minutes of “One man went to shag, went to shag a sheep” at Newport.
Taking over ‘Cheers’ in Bognor 2 years running.
Andy Barnes.
“Blunt out!”.
Barrow away twice in 4 days.
Being sh*t at Runcorn. Every damn time.
Dominic Feltham.
Going to Wrexham, Bangor & then Anglesey on the piss after getting relegated at Northwich.
Sutton to Hull in 3 hours.
Sutton to Preston in 3 hours.
Piss ups by the seaside.
Efan Ekoku.
Watching 5-2 at Kettering to send us down, on sh*t cable TV channel in the Plough.
Joe Ross. C*nt.
Nko Ekoku chasing Joe Ross round the pitch trying to do a ‘Di Canio’.
Graham Roberts OG at Yeovil away & still losing.
Barry Lakers “2 inch header” at Yeovil (2000).
Losing 1-7 at home to Grays & having more shots on goal than them!
“Lennie Lennie Lennie, Lennie Lennie Lennie, Lennie Dennis Scooooooores!”.
Always losing at f*cking Enfield.
Graham Roberts. C*nt.
Gary Thomas.
Simon Quail. “Who’s the f*ggot in the gloves!” from the homes fans in the 4-3 at Colchester.
FA Cup. 2-3 at Notts County. FA Cup.
“Lets all have a disco!”.
Wycombe FA Trophy Semi 1st leg.
’Merthyr’ the inflatable sheep.
Telling Woking fans they wouldn’t last a season in the Conference!
K’s getting relegated from the Conference the season after us & with about 5 times the budget. Hilarious.
5-1 at Bobbins. Awaritife hat-trick.
5-1 at Bobbins. Joffa hat-trick.
Watson’s missed pen at Hayes. NYD.
“Biiiiiiiiiiiiiig Dom…….”.
Mickey Joyce v Leatherhead. 11-0. 3 hat-tricks!
Tony Rains in goal at Colchester.
Never winning at bloody Weymouth.
Always getting rat-arsed in Weymouth.
Cornwell’s cross-shot v Aldershot.
Getting “Well done for beating Cov” handshakes at Nuneaton. 11yrs after the event!
Drinking in ‘The Magpie’ in Nottingham.
Drinking bucks fizz on the the train to Nottingham.
“Market Harborough? Where the f*ck is that??”.
Moreton Town away. FA Cup.
Finally arriving 20 mins from the end of Moreton game & getting a big cheer from the travelling support.
Playing football behind the goal at Leatherhead.
Hynesy diving in the crowd after his winning penalty in the Carlton Cup final.
Being 1-0 down after 88 mins & 3-1 up after 90 in the SSC Final v Bobbins at Woking.
Being mistaken for someone else by Andy Pape and getting threatened with a smack in the mouth.
The Ug rasper & celebration v Bobbins. 6
-0 v Bobbins at home. Boxing Day 2003.
George Borg. C*nt.
Kelly Haag. WHY?
Matt Hanlan’s hair.
“Ying tong ying tong ying tong ying tong ying tong yiddle ay po. Gis a goal!”.
Watching a bizarre mid-season 1-0 friendly defeat against KR Rekjavik at GGL with about 50 other idiots.
Bastard long coach trips to godforsaken places. Like Runcorn!
Being impressed with Boston’s ground on our 1st visit.
God knows how many 22 man brawls with Bromley at GGL.
Being one of only 5 people behind the goal for Cossie’s first ever goal at Hendon.
Being one of only 5 people mobbing Cossie for that first goal!
Hearing Lennie’s leg break at Barnet.
Newhouse hitting the bar in the last min at Northwich & knowing we were down.
Quinno’s hat-trick at Basingstoke to clinch runners-up on the last day.
Canal Street, Runcorn. UGH!
Turning up at Hereford 35 minutes into the game & being escorted round the pitch to the away end.
Arguing in the car trying to find the Firkin in Oldbury.
Chips ‘oop north’ being better than chips ‘daaahn sahrf’.
Col knocking over his pint in every pub we visited in Torquay.
Seeing the U’s on ‘Match of the Day’.
Mark Golley.
Nigel Golleys cycling shorts.
The ‘Nigel Golley Fan Club’.
Roses tea hut (The old one!).
Rare wins at Enfield.
Macca’s winner breaking the club goalscoring record at Enfield.
Getting matey sent off at Chesham by goading him into giving us the ‘nescafe’ right in front of the ref.
Being told by Bob Dowie to “F*ck off round that way!” after abusing him for 90 minutes.
Murray Jones. WHY?
The lights going out at Forest Green when 2-1 up. Bastards!
Missing 3 pens by 3 different players in 3 consecutive games (2000).
Flying down from Manchester for Boxing Day Derbies with the Bobbins.
Driving back from Grimsby in a blizzard on Xmas day for Boxing Day derby with the Bobbins.
Jimmy fucking Bolton.
Colin fucking Cowperthwaite.
Steve fucking Burr.
Winning at Macclesfield for the 1st time surrounded by thousands of rather unfriendly Man Utd fans.
Watching the 9-0 win at Gateshead on teletext.
Efan Ekoku & Carey Anderson scaring Darlington to death.
Zak Newman.
The Drill Field.
Arjan van Sleigerdelt.
Going on the piss in Plymouth & Exeter after a game in Yeovil.
Blowouts on the M40.
Always getting soaking wet at Borehamwood.
Last minute winners causing you to jump about like a lunatic.
Ending every sentence with “Yakky dah isnit!” at Merthyr.
Getting pub info off an 8 year old in Merthyr.
Bobbins. No wins at GGL since 1962.
Learning football scores in Welsh on the coach back from Merthyr.
“For ever and ever, we’ll follow our team………”.
Nassim Akrour walking it in at Dagenham.
Eddie Saunders 2 OG’s for us against Woking at GGL.
Nursey’s SSC screamer against the Bobbins at GGL.
9 red cards in 2000 having had less than that in the previous 30 years!
Those 3 and a half wins over FGR.
Getting threatened with ejection at Enfield for saying ‘Bloody’.
Scraley Road, Heybridge. UGH!
Being told by a policeman at Barnet that our Union flag was racist.
3 SSC finals against the Bobbins, 3 wins.
Playing trivial pursuit at the back of the coach on long away trips.
Getting absolutely smashed on a 45 minute supporters coach stop in Cirencester.
Being asked “Who the hell is that?” when people see the shirts.
Getting the comment “Oooh. Didn’t you beat Coventry?” when you explain.
Not winning for 3 months, then being away in fucking Grimsby when we do. 7-1. You bastards.
Sniggering at that strange Beaver mascot at Hampton.
Sniggering at the name of Hampton’s “Beaver Bar”.
Expecting Danny Bolt to score from every free-kick within 35 yards.
Naz’s hat-trick at Aylesbury.
6 consecutive Surrey Cup final wins.
Dom Feltham’s 50 yard lob 9 minutes into injury time at Wokingham.
Mark Watson’s scrambler 7 minutes into injury time at Purfleet.
Heybridge bloody Swifts.
Chris Vagg in goal at Eastbourne. Star!
Queueing down Gander Green Lane for Coventry tickets.
Andy Salako’s PoY party strip. 2 years running!
Swelling with pride as Paul Rogers rifles in a last minute Wembley winner. For Wigan. D’oh!
Seeing Andy Scott playing against Man Utd on proper, normal telly. Not SKY!
David Jones pink tracksuit bottoms on ‘Football Focus’!
Phil ‘Chainsaw’ Dawson.
Motty on ‘Match of the Day’.
“We’ll get stuffed” headline on the back page of the Mirror before the Norwich tie.
Jumping around the room when hearing Naz has scored for Algeria in the African Nations Cup. 2yrs after leaving Sutton!
Rob Scott playing in goal for a match against sponsors Securicor and trying to dribble the length of the field.
Being told to “Stop fucking swearing” by a steward at Stevenage.
Booing Rutherford at Aylesbury. Tw*t.
Nursey’s face when we showed up in Calais for the Middx Wanderers game.
Danny Bolt asking where all the decent bars were in Calais.
Taking over the bar at Chesham & being so rowdy they refused to serve us.
Col, Chalmers, Shopping trolley, traffic cone, Weymouth High St.
Col’s old Metro doing more miles than your average ‘Saturn 5’ rocket.
Sugar the Dog in Weymouth (sorry Miller!).
Tetleys Bitter & nothing else everywhere north of Watford. Ugh!
The M1.
The M6.
The M40.
25 Coaches to Norwich.
“And I would walk 500 miles and I would walk 500 more…”.
Singing ‘Tom Hark’ back at the Eastbourne fans after every goal!
Trying to pay to get in with a 20 pound note at Runcorn and being told to “Fuck off”.
Jules arguing with an 8 year old ball girl at Runcorn.
Slagging off Paul Gates on the coach home from Yeovil with his sister sat in front.
Crank calls to the Bobbins club asking for their result knowing full well they’ve lost. Again.
Getting ‘Cossie’ to do crank calls to the Bobbins club asking for their result, knowing full well they’ve lost!
Hereford fans in the home end at GGL.
“English pricks!” on the train to Hereford.
“Are you f*cking ICF or something??” angry Chelsea fan on the train home from Hereford.
Belly’s vicious wakey wakey slap for Bob on the train home from Bedford.
Getting lost & staggering along the back streets of Bedford trying to make the last train home.
Pissed & asking a policeman for directions to Bedford station for the last train home.
Pissing up against the tree at St Albans.
The Wellington Arms, Bedford.
“Where to is that?” in Newport.
Windy trying to volley a football at Bedford. 2 weeks after major knee surgery.
Nicking the ‘Kids for a Quid’ sign at Borehamwood.
The shopping trolley from St Albans.
Gary Thomas’ slightly dubious penalty at Hayes (8-1).
Being able to go for a piss & still watch the game at Runcorn (best thing about the place!).
Being 4-0 down at HT & Blunt coming off laughing at Runcorn.
Jules’ reaction to being 4-0 down at HT & Blunt coming off laughing at Runcorn.
Singing “No one likes you, no one likes you, no one likes you, so piss off!” to Keith Blunt.
Barrow 5-1 in the mud. Bob Lord Final 2nd leg.
“Jingle bells jingle bells, jingle all the way, you’ll never see Billy Smith on Match of the Day!”.
Nko celebrating before he’d even scored in the Trophy at Salisbury.
Weymouth full-back being slaughtered by Nko all day long & then winning ‘Man of the Match’.
Col being so drunk at Bognor he thought we’d lost 3-1. We’d drawn 0-0.
Lennie scoring at Bromley after 10 secs & being 4-1 down by HT.
Getting barred from the Sutton Firkin almost every Saturday night after a game.
Doing 7 pints in an hour in the Firkin after winning the title v Aldershot.
Meeting the barman who pulled ‘7 pints each in an hour’ in a pub in Cambridge following year & refusing to serve us!
Playing volleyball over the seats on the train to St Albans.
Imber Court almost becoming our 2nd home in the 80’s.
Yeovil taking over GGL for a game in the 80’s.
Yeovil constabulary being the friendliest we’ve ever met….not.
Not being allowed behind the goal at Yeovil. “There’s not enough of you”.
Signing the guest ‘members’ book at Chesham as ‘Mickey Mouse’, ‘Roy Rogers’ etc.
Condoms on the air ‘blowers’ at the back of the coach.
Sham 69 (briefly!) played on the PA as ‘our’ song.
That depressing Brotherhood of Mann dirge returning & replacing it.
Phonecalls at all hours whenever the ‘Proclaimers’ is heard by anyone, anywhere!
Aylesbury 1999.
Robin Seagroatt.
Giving Aylesbury fans the V-sign in 1999.
The mudbath after winning the league.
The equaliser at Notts County.
County’s winner.
”The wheels on your house go round and round”.
Dean Hamlin hits the bar….again.
Sammy Winston.
Nigel’s sending off at Hereford.
McCann’s penalty heroics against Kidderminster.
“Sit down and shut up you big bald fuck.” Windy at Dorchester. 2004.
The carnage on the players coach back from Basingstoke!
”Come on yooooooooooooooooou yellooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooows”
Marlow. Just bloody Marlow.
Darren Anderson….. “No, no, no, AnderSON you plank”.
Beating K’s with both teams down to 9 men.
Being told a certain K’s defender was a drug dealer.
Fisher lamping Murray Jones & Jones being sent off for feigning injury.
Paul Rutherford. Bleached blonde tosser.
Paul Vosper. Tosser.
The East Bank at Aldershot. What a nice bunch……*cough*
Yeovil away
”The referee’s a homo”
Frakey and the fence at Eastbourne.
Beating Borehamwood on penalties. Carlton Cup Final.
Losing to Stortford on penalties in the FA Cup.
Mark Watson…..noooooooooooooo.
Alf Field. What a twat.
Bailey’s thrice taken penalty at Canvey.
Matty Fowler’s hat-trick. THAT hat-trick!
Boosey’s equaliser at the Bobbins & the bundle after.
Beating a proper Spurs side 5-2.
Paul Gates.
Kettering away.
”Ug Ug Ug Ug Ug!!!”.
David Shepherd…..waste of space
Warren Pritchard….waste of space
Francis Vines. In OUR championship photo???
The pitch invasions.
Nigel Golley treading on my arm during the pitch invasion after beating Kiddie in the FA Cup.
Windy nearly dying at Three Bridges station.
Spooky Morris Dancers in Brighton.
Finding Taz’s glasses on the beach in Eastbourne at 3am. In the dark. With no light.
“Ave you been smoking?”
Nigel Brake from the halfway line!
Dom O’Shea’s debut ‘piledriving’ equaliser at Eastbourne.
The celebrations in the crowd that follwed that goal!
Dean Hooper’s red card at St. Albans (“Deeeeeeanooo!”) Apr 2005.
Millsy and “Hatboy’s” mild disagreement in the pub at St Albans.
Braindead’s tea all over his jacket!
JR’s little ‘talk’ with Braindead & co!
Vodka jelly on the 9.30 from East Croydon to Eastbourne.
Vodka jelly on the 9.05 from Kings Cross to Cambridge!
‘Daves’ goal at Bognor.
The ‘Hamilton Hall’ en route to Redbridge (Sutton, give us a song!).
The fat bloke on the balcony at Grays.
Second half against Margate at Ashford – how bloody cold was that?
Eddie’s equaliser at Dorchester. Sept 2004.
Albert the steward telling Redbridge manager to stop swearing and being told to “fuck off”.
The Tea bar at Egham. Slow or what?
The little train on the seafront at Eastbourne. “Woo woo!”.
36 bottles of alcopop to start the night in ‘Kings’ Eastbourne. Hey, it was BOGOF!
The “Would any of you ladies like some London cock?” line in Weston. You know who you are!
Windy & Mrs C going swimming in the sea at Weymouth. At 2am. In September.
“Fuck off Sutton” at Bromley. Er, yeah. Thanks for that.
Matt Gray’s last minute pen at home to the Bobbins 2004. Hahaha!
Billy Harding’s pointless 2 yellow cards inside a minute for the Bobbins just before HT, 2 years running!
Charging down the grass bank at Lewes for Tony Quintons goal.
Struggling to get back up the grass bank at Lewes after that goal.
“Der der der der, Tony Quinton!”.
Taking more fans to Farnham than the Bobbins had at home to Raynes Park!
Winding up the Farnham no3.
Watkins equaliser at Coldsore. Boxing Day 2004. Mental!
Conducting our own pitch inspection at Lewes.
The Bognor burger.
Having a crap home record, yet still beating the Bobbins twice at GGL.
Greek and the nasty Dorchester turnstile.
Bognor’s “Firm”. Hilarious!
Newport’s “Casuals” who were nothing of the sort.
Millsy, EFM & the ‘flare’ incident v. St Albans. Aug 2004.
Travelling midweek to Bristol City to watch the Youths in the FA Youth Cup.
Sam Saunders. Cock.
Lewis Gonsalves in goal v. Cambridge.
Comedy OG’s at Redbridge.
Feeling sorry for the ‘keeper at Redbridge!
My car breaking down after about 5 away games on the trot.
The Ice Cream Van at welling.
‘Save the Bognor Burger’ petition. It worked!
The lino at Weymouth taking abuse for the 1st 20mins from BOTH sets of fans, then getting suddenly ‘injured’ & limping off.
Stewart’s “You’re so immature………you git!” retort to AFCW fan offering him ‘outside’.
Greek’s hijacking of the pre-game drinking. Easter 2004.
Approx 100+ AFC Wombles telling me to get a haircut. Thanks!
Stealing Hampton’s ‘Sutton’ fixture sign and bundling into the getaway car outside the police station.
Tony Quinton breaking the net at Hampton. And not with a shot!
Taz yelling “8 quid for a grassy hole!” at Lewes.
Greek’s ‘Dollar’ earring.
Being offered outside by a Bobbins steward. Boxing Day 2004.
Nicking this idea from Woking’s site!
Pinching the ‘Sutton Utd’ sign at St Albans & trying to hide my identity with just my hand when a car drove past.
Being taken to games by my Aussie father, probably still with my own Aussie twang myself, aged about 7 with Dad getting me to watch just one player and follow what he did off the ball to help (us both) understand this ‘soccer’ thing. Long before ‘player cam’ or Andy Gray!
Chippenham. More FA Cup ‘glory’ in the pissing rain.
Billy Harding @ Basingstoke. Nooooo!
Taking a pic of the Brockenhurst station sign on the way to Dorch & texting it to K’s fans. Bwahahaha!
Tea bar at Yeading. Slower than Egham!
Sandcastles on the beach at Weymouth. At 3am. (Oct 2005).
‘Senoritas’. Weston-Super-Mare. Dear god!
Hungover Mini-golf at Cheddar Gorge.
Taz’s 5 minute rant at the team. Newport 2006.
John Scarborough’s volley v. Thurrock at home. It just hit his leg!
Cornwall’s goal v. St Albans. Even the ‘keeper applauded!
Mark Watson back again. Why?
FAT @ Uxbridge. Pulling into the Volvo dealership by mistake on the way in. Get some signs you bastards!
Dorchester’s 2 reds in 2 minutes.
Thurrock’s 2 reds in 30 seconds!
My own private celebration with TQ at Havant.
Getting spanked at home by Lewes. Again.
Using the ‘England’ team coach for the Newport game. In Wales. Genius!
Getting called a ‘knobend’ at Bognor. Cheers mate!
The support at Eastbourne (Mar 2006).
Everyone going completely mental at Weston after Cornwall’s winner.
Celebrating sending the Bobbins down on the last day in Hayes bar with the Hayes fans.
Walking up ‘Jacobs Ladder’ in Cheddar with a massive hangover after Weston. Not recommended!
Chatting to a random Cambridge City fan and ending up being his girlfriend.
Walking to GGL to catch ET in the SSC game v. Chipstead in the p*ssing rain after college.
Being told outside the ground that 10 man Chipstead have nicked it in the last minute.
Going mental for Cornwall’s goal at Havant. “Top of the league, we’re having a laugh!”.
Away @ Uxbridge in the FA Trophy. Oh dear.
Home v. Uxbridge in the FA Trophy. OH DEAR!!
Breaking the random Villa fan at Weston through massive consumption of alcohol!
The Cambridge City pitch invasion protest at GGL!
Welling’s ‘Incredible sleeping man’.
Scooby celebrating like us everytime he scores.
The 10 second Thurrock captaincy. Somebody call Guiness!
Being 3-0 up within 18 minutes of the start of the season (2005).
Saying an emotional goodbye and thank you to John Rains.
Andrew Raeburns radio feature! How much bleeping out did he have to do?
Eastleigh. The town where the pubs don’t even have Sky tv.
Jack Haverson in the 5th minute of injury time at Hayes.
Just me invading the pitch in that 5th minute of injury time at Hayes.
Sending the Bobbins down on the last day by losing at Hayes.
The party after sending the Bobbins down by losing at Hayes!
1-0 up to 4-1 down from nowhere at Cambridge.
Vomit on the dashboard coming home from Newport. Not mine!
Greek fighting the toilet door on the train home from Dover. And losing.
Filming the aforementioned door fight. “Don’t! It fights back!”.
“Caligari? You don’t sound Canadian!”.
Tennents Super on the way to Thurrock. Not me!
Getting ejected at Thurrock. After the final whistle.
Jason Henry finally getting that first goal.
Woodford Utd replay away in the FA Cup. Middle of fucking nowhere!
The ‘Woodford 15’.
Windy’s major hour long “We’re doomed!”sulk after Weston away….in August!
Still being on 5 points in the middle of November.
Getting a first home win in the last week of November.
“3-0 and you fucked it up!” Hayes & Yeading away, Nov 2007.
“6 points. We’ve only got 6 points!” Hayes & Yeading away, Nov 2007.
Take outs from the Newport bar for the journey home every season.
Chalmers car sounding like a milk float leaving Newport with all the takeouts.
“Stop Being Shit” wristbands. Newport Away.
Scarbs in the last minute at St Albans. Chaos!
Celebrations after first home league win of the season against Hampton. New Years Day 2008.
“Full time and you fucked it up!” Dorchester away. Feb 2008.
The Met’s CCTV van present for the Newport home game. Nawty!
Watching video clips of the winner at Stalebuns on mobiles in the pub after. Over and over again…
Hearing “How are you lot bottom?” for the millionth time 2007/2008 season.
Knobbers making comments about ‘Going down’ & ‘Ryman League’ & thinking they’re the first ones.
Craig Dundas somehow singlehandedly keeping us afloat for 2 months.
Craig Dundas. Expected a useless Bobbins reject. Got a lean mean wrecking machine!
Expecting to get absolutely gubbed at Eastleigh. And then winning comfortably.
Greek throwing up exactly a pint of cider back into the pint glass it just left.
Expecting to get absolutely gubbed at Bath. And playing ’em off the park!
“Whaaaaaat the fuck is going on?” chant. Bath away. April 2008.
The lowest points total ever in Conference South for a non-financially screwed side.
Rob Hughes and his immaculately clean kit.
Fisher at home, March 2008.
No one EVER being remotely sober playing mini-golf at Cheddar Gorge. Even the drivers.
“Can we play you every week?” Eastbourne @ home. March 2008. 5-1 down!
“Who d’you think you are? Premiership hooligans?” Chalmers, Bognor @ home.
Inflatable sheep. £5 each in the Ware clubhouse toilets.
Inflatable sheep on top of the goal. Ware FA Cup.
Inflatable sheep behind the goal. Aylesbury FA Cup.
Billy Dunn’s mazy run @ Bobbins Xmas 2008. 2-0!
“You fucking village idiot!” Lewes away 2007. Almost started a fight…
Losing 3-2 to poxy CCL sides in the County Cup almost every year.
“If he falls, don’t try & catch him, you’ll just break your arm!” Dartford away. 2008.
AJ somehow getting a foot or his head to everything.
Two in a minute at Tonbridge. Chaos!
Dos kicking the Tonbridge player on the shin and him going down holding his face.
Sal hiding our ‘fugitive’ manager behind the big flag at Tonbridge.
Scooby’s shin.
“Small town in nowhere, just a small town in nowhere”. Tonbridge away.
“This place is an absolute chavesty” Greek @ Braintree.
Knowing you’re as good as down in early November.
“Where’s your coffee gone, where’s your coffee gone?” – Hastings away. 2009.
“Diiiiiiiid you say a naughty word?” – Bobbins @ home 2009.
“Brazil, it’s NOT like watching Brazil!” – Bobbins @ home 2009.
“Oi fuckface! Any chance of a decision our way this afternoon?”.
“1-1 to the no5!” – Tonbridge away 2009.
“Oi! You’re about as funny as a brain tumour you cock!” – Play off semi. April 2009.
Segregation @ home to Tonbridge. FAT 2009. Attendance? 319.
“Fuck off Tonbridge, fuck off Tonbridge”. Cobbsy’s last minute winner @ Tonbridge. Sept 2009.
Gareth showing a Russian guard at the RussiaKazakhstan border that Scarbs St Albans winner on his mobile.
Losing 2-1 in the SSC final to Godalming despite having 80% of the possession.
2 in a minute to go from 3-2 down to 4-3 up in injury time at home to Wealdstone.
Forbesy getting sent off for high fiving a fan against Lowestoft.
“Jolly was your hero!” – Bobbins away. Xmas 2010.
All the teams blowing their load beating us and then losing to crap next time out. 2010/2011.
Adding ‘Gary the Train Guard’ as a friend on Facebook.
Lowestoft away.
The unexpected lock in at ‘Champion of the Thames’, Cambridge.
Taz drunkenly letting people into the lock in at the ‘Champion of the Thames’, Cambridge.
Williams Jnr getting ID’d 3 times in under 10mins. In the same Cambridge pub.
Just sitting, staring out that first pint of IPA of the day. Bury St Edmunds.
Packing out the Nutshell in Bury St Edmunds. All 7 of us.
‘The Battle of Walton’. Finishing with 7 men in a Ryman League Cup tie and only losing 1-0 AET.
“Na na na na na na na na na na na, Bradley Woods Garness, Woods Garness, Braaaaadley Woods Garness!”
Everyone to a man hungover after Xmas parties. Eastleigh away.
Both sets of fans singing “There’s only one Richard Jolly” @ Wealdstone.
That Traynor worldy. Bastard.
The “Your Mum” balloon. Hereford away.
“AC Croygas? Never heard of ’em!”. Ely station, Bury Town away.
“It’s so close boys, I can almost smell it!”. Paul Doswell. Sat 26th February 2011.
Alton Town at home in the FA cup. Worst team in the draw. 2-1 home defeat. For fucks sake.
Bog brush in the face!
Winning the title at Cray And we weren’t even playing.
Helping provide Cray’s biggest gate of the season. And we weren’t even playing.
Dipre finally taking the managers job at the Bobbins. Priceless.
5 fat blokes + 1 very small Japanese car = Countless disgraceful topics of conversation on the way to Cray.
Being in the ‘Liberty Bounds’ almost every other week.
Steffan Ball. How much?
Jaegerbombs with AJ.
Bobbins having 1 turnstile open Boxing Day 2008. Attendance? 1078. Twats.
K’s having 1 turnstile open. Attendance? 750.
K’s still owe me 50p.
“It’s all Doswell’s fault!”
Sam Gargan 2-1. Hampton FA Cup.
“Don’t make me motorboat you!”.
AJ dancing on the pool table.
My dad being told to “behave himself” by a copper v Coventry.
Getting up at 5:30am to get a coach from South Wales to games.
Falling and rolling onto the pitch before the title trophy presentation.
Being one of 15 Sutton fans at Woodford.
Piecake at Worthing.
BWG going mental with the fans during the Bury Town home game.
10 home league wins in a row.
Winning the title without even playing!
AJ having to go in goal at Thurrock.
AJ then being knocked out at Thurrock & the full time whistle blown even though we’d only played 88 mins!!!
BWG joining us on the terrace at Aveley & being slightly embarrassed when we sang his song!! 26th April 2011.
Forbesy’s goal at Coldsore, super technique!
Grass fight at Uxbridge.
Playing Pinball in Spain. Jules saving me from Spanish Gypsies.
Being on crutches for 4 weeks after falling off a crush barrier at Leytonstone.
Hitching back from Chesham (or maybe Cheshunt?) and being picked up by the players coach.
Having the world’s best Surname!
Being told at Middlesbrough ‘We’ll never hear from you again!”.
Missing 11(?) consecutive penalties in the 70’s.
Queuing 5 hours for Leeds tickets.
“Norman wants to go ‘Weeeeeeee’”.
Shadows cassettes.
Taking a full supporters’ coach to Clapton for a quiz!
Bruce: “Scunthorpe”……….”Correct !”
Alan Simpson (yes, that Alan Simpson) knowing the answer to every bloody question.
Riding pillion on Dad’s Lambretta to Dulwich Hamlet.
Graham Dennis promising fans we’d get to the Trophy Final after losing at Minehead in the FA Cup.
Any goal scored by Norman Milne.
Don Butterfill’s goal at Spennymoor.
Ian Stuart’s save from Alan Gillett.
Rex driving the coach the wrong way down a one-way street in Billericay.
Rex coming back from Oxford and turning LEFT when we reached the M25.
Phil Lunn’s own goal at Bangor when our Wembley dreams looked dead and buried.
Being driven round Sutton by Joycey to search for my car after it was nicked from GGL with a boot full of books we’d just had printed.
Joycey’s hat-trick v Stortford after missing the Trophy Final.
“The sub is, oh I don’t know ask Ken Ireland” – Barrie Williams when Efan Ekoku made his debut.
Missing the 9-0 at Gateshead after trying to “park” my car in the Blackwall Tunnel at 60 mph.
Coventry and the 16 pints that followed.
“Nice doggie”, to a snarling police alsatian at Swindon.
Val Cross never understanding the April Fool in Sorrento.
Calcio Chieti.
Able at Triestina.
Curly at Middlebrough.
Mark Golley’s greatest sliding tackle of all time, anywhere. Official!
My boyhood hero coming to my wedding.
Paul Doswell interviewing us!!
Punch up with yeovil fans at GGL ‘cos they nicked a wpc’s hat and wouldn’t give it back, so we got it for her.
Knowing Richard Jolly’s signed contract was in my pocket when everyone else wondered where he would end up.
Still being in touch with so many former players.
Toffee, Ralph, Don, Herm.
Miller’s weird elbows.
The Billericay Jaeger-train.
Nearly being poisoned by the metal polish on the Isthmian trophy.
Nearly being killed retrieving the trophy from the high ledge it was placed on by Col.
Alan Payne being a first class gent.
Leroy Griffith’s weird post match tipple.
My picture of Adrian Barry at Folkestone.
Beating the Scummers at pool.
Billy watching a team unbeaten at home all season and still finding something to moan about!
The free for all on post match food at Aveley and Billericay.
Taylor’s trousers at Billericay away.
The day Truro away became a reality.
Hearing about Doswell’s tattoos.
Nearly killing Taz after Bury gifted us the title.
Wayne Shaw in goal.
Wayne Shaw dancing.
The fear on the faces of players facing Dundo.
Two Jaegerbombs for £5 after the win at Tonbridge.
My choccy & amber xmas hat.
Drinking in the Hope with Carsh*ton fans when we’d won and they’d lost.
The Triangle, Lowestoft.
Vodka Jelly. B
umping into Lewis Gonsalves all the time at Tulse Hill.
Champions champagne on the grass outside the ground with Sal, Claire and Andy K.
Derek at the comedy night.
On the train to Hereford a few seasons ago and experiencing vodka jelly for the first time.
New friends….aaahhh.
Eastbourne away October 13th 2012.
Travelling to Truro for 3 points.
Finding the only pub in Falmouth that sold Fosters and watching a number of people’s faces light up!
Pissing ourselves seeing the Wickes advert on the tele in the clubhouse after that game involving a Goalkeeper and a ladder.
Basingstoke Toys R Us.
Playing football at half time with Basingstoke fans on a 5-a-side pitch next to the ground 99/00 season.
“Where’s your lager gone, where’s your lager gone?”.
“You’ve only got 12 toes”.
Sutton fans wearing Firemans helmets at the Bobbins after their clubhouse burned down.
Surviving a Fleetburger.
Sarah taking me to my first away game on the train, and watching us lose to a fat Kerry Dixon.
Bringing my cousin to a Sutton game “£10? It costs me that to take a piss at Chelsea”.
“C’mon ginge, miss this and you and me will go for a curry!”. Sevenoaks friendly.
Being chased all the way to Leatherhead station by 20 yobs.
Not falling for Mr Dipre.
Alan Payne paying for the last round at Billericay
North Shields and the joy when Dad gave me the match programme with all the Sutton players autographs.
Travelling to Norwich and sitting at the back of the coach feeling cold but excited at the same time.
Weston away September 8th 2012
Making a last minute booking to Falmouth
Dave Burgess being told to “Go get a ladder first” by a Goalkeeper.