Monday, 31 December 2018

On Quality Street

So here it is, Merry Christmas and everybody's having fun! Well, unless you've had a gut full of enough grub to feed a small African village for a month topped off with the sort of quantity of gin required to euthanize an Elephant. Then you might have passed from the 'having fun' phase and be more into the 'wishing for a swift and painless death' stage of the holiday celebrations. I know I have.

Thursday, 27 December 2018

Jolly Festive Uncle

Picture the scene.  The poor house is cold.  It stinks of damp, Dettol and overcooked sprouts.  At a rickety old table huddle a group of pale looking urchins. They are proper fucked to be honest, having spunked every last penny and more on awayday trips to the likes of Scotland, Dublin and an endless stream of Northern shit holes that no one would visit in their right mind unless they were making some sort of post-Brexit documentary on Broken Britain.

Tuesday, 25 December 2018

Turtle Turnstile

WE'RE BACK! Well maybe a little. But if you were ever to bump into Magnum P.I. on your travels, you'd understand. WE'RE BACK! to Halifax. WE'RE BACK! to a supposedly cheap day on the drink. WE'RE BACK! To where some of us spent an overnight during the Beast of the East (Not to be confused with a Dr Bell ex). WE'RE BACK! WE'RE BACK! WE'RE BACK!

Monday, 17 December 2018

Mulled Whine

Xmas is coming! How do we know? No, it's the never ending fucking perfume ads on telly, nor the fact that Mariah Carey's "All I want for Christmas" is on constant repeat in every. single. fucking. shop. you dare to even go near, let alone enter. Nor has it got sod all to do with a certain load of brightly lit artic's owned by a certain soft drink firm trundling round your one way system. Oh no, it's the increase of frequency of going out getting boozed with your work colleagues and rarely having to get your hand in your skyrocket as some nice bod with a company card is getting them in.

Monday, 10 December 2018

Party Like It's 1994

Greetings readers, hopefully some have stayed with us let alone been able to find us after a self-righteous Orient fan got our editor in chief and by extension, all of us, blocked on Facebook – but fear not as we'll never stop in our efforts to create these blogs for you the discerning football fan.

Thursday, 6 December 2018

When the Rain Stops

We're back! Well that was what Magnum P.I. shouted out as we were just about to use the lil' boys room after the game at Mill Farm. The question is, was that an opinionated remark about the football that he'd just witnessed? Or was he simply just talking to himself, and his lil' fella as he pointed Percy at the Porcelain? Hmmm, that's a tough choice. And not one I'd want to call.

Wednesday, 28 November 2018

It Braint Our Luck Sometimes

Oh the excitement! What more could any Sutton supporter want but with a cold, wet & windy midweek trip to Essex to face a team currently at the foot of the table? If for a second, we forget the silly saying of "there are no easy games at this level" and instead consider the cold hard fact that that we're up against a team who've mustered only thirteen points in twenty one games. Unlucky for some?

Monday, 26 November 2018

Packing Like Bindon

I’m not one to bang on about the Good Old Days as you know but I was reminded this week that it’s exactly forty years since Ian Dury released his number one smash Hit Me With Your Rhythm Stick and the Jam were riding high in the album charts with the seminal Old Mod Cons. That spun me right back to those days in 1978 when I was sixteen, waiting to leave school and sitting bored shitless in the office of the council education and youth officer discussing my career opportunities.

Thursday, 22 November 2018

Shaggy Calf Lane

Despite being Non-League sad sacks who follow our little club up and down the land to such awe inspiring locations as Barrow, Hartlepool and Solihull, even we need the occasional break. A chance to decompress and experience what some would call 'normal' life on a Saturday afternoon during the football season, like what those who are slightly less fortunate that us not to live such a non-stop rock and roll lifestyle of endless drinking, Virgin Trains seat reservations and taking the piss out of Dukey's Windows Phone as ours.

Taken up the Rico Perez - Football Abroad

Standing on Gander Green Lane at 4.30am on a late November Sunday morning in the biting cold and pissing rain you cannot but help wondering what the fuck it is that you are actually doing with your life. I’m tired, hungry, a bit hungover and waiting for Tony Bacon to bowl up from the Park Farm Estate in his nice warm motor.

Monday, 19 November 2018

4 Minute Delay

Oh great, it's another Gandermonium Firm away trip 'Oop North'. And it's a return to the North-East for this episode. Needless to say, the financial expenses that come with supporting a national non-league team are never ending these days. But would we like to revert the clock back a few years where the highlight would be an occasional over-nighter on the South Coast? Well sometimes maybe, but then again...

Monday, 12 November 2018

Tuff Stuff Sluff

So the magic of the cup has once again graced us with her presence back down the Lane. And it's always nice once in a while to get away from the weekly grime & grind of standard league football. But with our recent spate of somewhat iffy-like performances of late, this might not have been the best time to play a team from the division below you. Not that Sutton fans are the ultimate when it comes to fatalists, oh no no no, we're always positive...

Wednesday, 7 November 2018

Just Can't Get Enough

Apologies for this blog being a late one as due to personal issues I was a bit behind in getting this one written and to the editor for publishing. But, before moving onto the game, let us recap back to the midweek action against Chesterfield.  It was a long drawn out game where everyone and his wife could see we were going to concede a last minute equaliser and it of course happened. Cue nonsense from the Chesterfield boss – Mad Dog Martin Allen and his comments about our club, well it was him and his team’s coach which kept traffic to a standstill on GGL when leaving the club and held up my Uber driver too.

Wednesday, 31 October 2018

Loosened Thrupennies

Aah, Chesterfield, the latest in the parade of Football League stalwarts who sink to a shocker of a season in the fourth tier and suddenly find themselves plunged bollock-naked into the choppy and icy waters of the wacky world we like to call the “National League”.

Monday, 29 October 2018

Winds of Change

October. It's been long old month and no mistake. We kicked off with the schlep up to Barrow, then all got pissed about by Ryan Air in getting our arses over the Irish Sea to Dublin for the Irn Bru clash with Bohemians. Then we actually got to use some travelcards for last week's stumble out to Ruislip for the cup game with Wealdstone and today we're on the road once more to Hartlepool. Needless to day, October 2018 has broken a lot of us financially, physically and also in a couple of cases, mentally. Although we're not entirely sure that this probably wasn't already the case with those people.

Tuesday, 23 October 2018

The Infernal Derby

For the third match in a row, Sutton are once again involved in a little wet spot of cup action. From the lows of seeing the boys being one penalty away from an Irn Bru Quarter-final match against East Fife, to the wonder that is football, with a crackin' topsy-turvy FA Cup victory against the former non-league ultimate double winners of Wealdstone. But this game waits for no man, and we're back down the Lane for the really really proper, real cup action.

Monday, 22 October 2018


Welcome dear readers to another pointless and mildly absurd episode of your favourite Non-League football drinking blog. We hope you enjoyed our recent little European interlude as well as Totts special on the old Mitcham Stadium, which has proved to be somewhat popular and may indeed spawn a semi-regular feature on these here pages. However, if you're expecting it to trigger a sea change in style round here with heavily researched, thoughtfully written material laden with facts, you'd be sadly fucking mistaken. This is Gandermonium and it'll remain largely complete bollocks thank you very much.

Tuesday, 16 October 2018

Top o'the Mornin' to Ya

Damn the bloody penalty shoot-out! It can be such a cruel way to decide a football match. They really should just bring back the old school skool way of drawing lots or even just replay the match until there is a winner. That would be easier to stomach instead of watching your team go out in the fashion we did. Then again, at least it wasn't all that confusing ABBA routine bollocks! So every cloud...

Tuesday, 9 October 2018

A Bru-Dash-Ik Experience

There is a little saying in football often referred to by us old timers that goes along the lines of "a good days drinking is usually spoilt by the ninety minutes of football". Well, once again, and not for the first bloody time, this was very true as the boys of the Firm made the long-arsed trip to the very, very, very northern county of Cumbria.

Tuesday, 2 October 2018

Mitcham Stadium Mysteries

I love old stuff.  You know that. I also love a bit of local history and have always been fascinated by long-lost sporting venues so when all that comes together into something extraordinary just a few short miles the other side of Rose Hill I’m going to be salivating like Dirty Barry in Bentall’s lingerie department.

Monday, 1 October 2018

Salty Protein

It's fair to say the recent form of Sutton United FC has been a little up and down. A 4-0 Tuesday night humping by Boredom Wood, a 3-0 win over Wrexham and then a 2-2 draw against 10 man bottom side Dover having been 2-0 up early on is the sort of run that has your average fan scratching their heads and making their brain ache trying to work out what it all means. Not us, oh no. We've long since given up with that old lark and simply go to the bar and order another round. The only thing that makes our brain ache is beer. And maybe a touch of early onset Alzheimer's.

Friday, 28 September 2018

Cannibalism or Herbalism

So, lets start with the positive and recap on the previous and what a great win/performance Saturday was against Wrexham! Thankfully yours truly missed the Boreham Wood fixture (less said about that, the better!), which happened to be the first home league game I'd missed since December 2015. Wrexham however was possibly the best performance I have seen in a long time and well done to all involved.

Monday, 24 September 2018

More Rabbit than Sainsbury's

A week might be a long time in football, but four days is just as bad. After the bumming we received from Boring Wood on Tuesday night, it was our turn to take on the Wrexham. And they for once were actually riding high at the moment. Could this be the year they finally break their ten years plus of wandering the wastelands of non-league?

Thursday, 20 September 2018

Red Light Spells Danger

Bloody Boreham Wood. What is it about those fellas from Hertfordshire that causes grown, supposedly semi-professional footballers to revert to a type of teenage mentality compromising about as much use as an Iranian gin salesman. Plus it's also not the first time that Sutton have put up about as much fight as a French Army Division. Oh no...

Adelante Alicante! - Football Abroad

The history of football in Alicante is bound up with the legacy of the Spanish Civil War. This was the last city to fall to Franco and the walls and unmarked graves are pocked with the bullet holes and full of the corpses of the tens of thousands tortured, starved and killed as Falangist reprisals let rip in the days and years after 1939.

Sunday, 16 September 2018

Ten Bob Pimp

I'm not a fan of clubs merging.  It all started going wrong when Corinthians merged with The Casuals for me and it's been down hill ever since.  I mean, even that bird on Countdown who does all the really hard sums hasn't got a clue how many thousands of Essex clubs eventually ended up in the Dagenham and Redbridge melting pot and don't even get me started on all that fucking nonsense at Gravesend.  What goes on down there doesn't concern me at all.

Wednesday, 12 September 2018

Made from Gur-durs!

Did you hear the one about English 5th Tier teams being invited to play in the Scottish Challenge Cup this season? Hey, what are you laughing at? What, do we amuse you? This isn't some sort of silly joke, this is serious! No, you fuck off. Right that's it sunshine, fucking outside now!

Wednesday, 5 September 2018

Ruttin' in the Alley

This is a bit suss ain't it? Playing a third re-formed, ex-league club in a row? And yes, before you all start writing in with your letters, telegrams or Carrier Pigeons, I know that Airdrie is also a re-formed club as well. But still, is there a connection really, or am I just trying to create some sort of nonsensical story arc in order to flesh out the blog a bit? Hmmm...

Sunday, 2 September 2018

Flat Batteries

Now, normally for these things we'd fill in this part with some sort of pre-amble bollocks that has a vague connection to what then follows. Well, sometimes at least. It's mostly just rambling rubbish designed to pad the piece out and make us look like we've put some thought or genuine effort into it all. Well, this week, I have confession to make. I got nothing. Zero. Nada. Not a Sausage. Yeah, sorry about that.

Wednesday, 29 August 2018

Discuss or Disgust?

Oh the August Bank Holiday weekend. A good old excuse for non-league football to squeeze in two games in close proximity. And after a goalless draw against 'Flid' plus a heavy Saturday night to follow, it was time to head down to the Wilds of Hampshire take on another phoenix of a former league team in Aldershot. Or Aldershot Town as they're called these days.

Sunday, 26 August 2018

Cretins to Cribbins

I am sure many (or at least some of) our readers will know that it’s just the two weeks before the mighty Sutton United and its many splinter fan groups will be travelling north to Scotland for the Irn Bru Cup tie against Airdrie via whatever means of transport they can find. It has also been discovered Premier Inn’s finest in Argyle Street, Glasgow will also be housing a number of the invading U's. Party in the lobby anyone with haggis and Tennents Special Brew with some Buckfast chasers anyone?

Monday, 20 August 2018

The Circle of Life

It’s been an eventful week at Gandermonium Towers. No sooner had we returned from the wastelands of Gravesend & Northfleet Ebbsfleet with three hard-earned points, attention turned to the start of our forthcoming European tour. Yes, this is still a thing, the Scottish FA haven’t recovered their senses and backed out of the whole shebang, Sutton United are still participating in this year’s Scottish Challenge Cup (which we are contractually obliged to call the Irn-Bru Cup), and Thursday saw the draw take place live on the SPFL’s Facebook page. Modern life, eh?

Thursday, 16 August 2018

Fleeting Popularity

Popularity. It can be a fleeting experience. Or so I'm told. Being ginger and a non-league football fan, I of course wouldn't have a fucking clue about such things but I am at least well advised by people who are experienced in such matters. It's also a feeling our beloved U's have come to know somewhat over the last couple of years.

Sunday, 12 August 2018

Billy Big Bollocks Baloney

“In this world one thing counts….In the bank, large amounts.”

I’m a big fan of the old musicals me. Not the current half-arsed bollocks which is basically just a threadbare plot to stitch together an artists back catalogue so they can have another run round the houses milking the royalties. Nope, I’m talking about the stuff I grew up with as a kid blasting out from mum’s old valve radiogram and the one that remains the tops for me is 'Oliver!'

Friday, 10 August 2018

Je meprise ce crapaud odieux Rock et Eastleigh

Previously in Gandermonium and Sutton United terms, we all safely made it back from Yorkshire and no one got on the wrong train heading home, yes Dukey I am talking about you. An event which I hope has been fully covered in his blog. If not, just ask anyone of us for the story and how we made a carriage laugh at the Duke's misfortune.

Monday, 6 August 2018

Anyone for Garforth?

Thank fuck the season has finally arrived! I don't know why, possibly the freakin' hot weather recently, but this year's pre-season has been about as exciting as a Jeremy Corbyn audio sex tape. Despite this, the Gandermonium blogs are getting more views than those that bothered to attend the actual matches.  Fuck knows why. But it doesn't matter now, because the start of the 'real' season is upon us.

Thursday, 2 August 2018

Ahoj, Jsi krásná, ukaz kozy! - Football Abroad

Well I suppose that I couldn't get away with it forever. After managing to convince several friends and family members that I could never make a wedding-related event if it were to ever fall on a match day, they finally figured it out. What if it's a pre-season match? He won't be able to use the excuse "Sorry, can't make it, it's North Ferriby away that weekend" as using "Norwich under 23's at home" just won't wash. Ever. Well, unless you're Ipswich Lee of course...

Saturday, 28 July 2018

Delia's Early Start

So, here we are boys & girls, another 'exciting' pre-season campaign comes to a close and we're now just a mere seven days away from the start of the season itself. What's that? "Thank fuck"? Yes, quite. There's only so many half arsed walks in baking sunshine even the saddest and most dedicated Non-League saddo can take. Even Dukey couldn't quite last the course this summer and he's buggered off to Prague to see Slavia play instead of helping us greet Delia Smith's kindergarten from Carrow Road.

Sunday, 22 July 2018

Walking Down to GGL

Welcome to our latest installment! And to begin with, yours truly has been playing a part in spreading the gospel to a new audience via my Twitter account, a bunch of guys who are fellow Panini sticker enthusiasts like me, so I would like to formally welcome then to the Gandermonium blog and hope you give us a plug to all your friends about this stuff and the world of non-league football.

Wednesday, 18 July 2018

Box Hill or Bust

I need to take a bit of a run up at this one as this is a pre-season friendly that, when it was announced, left me feeling more than a bit conflicted and I’m going to tell you why. Firstly, am I pleased that football is back at Meadowbank? Of course I am, I think it’s nothing short of a miracle that a prime piece of real estate, bang smack in the centre of swanky Dorking and that lay derelict for years now hosts the beautiful game once again rather than being swallowed up by a developer knocking out high end apartments.

Sunday, 15 July 2018

Surbiton Lagoon

Don’t talk to me about heatwaves.  No, seriously, I’m not fucking about. Unless you were there in 76 I don’t want to hear about how sweaty you are and I couldn’t give a shit about the CO2 crisis when we had to use FUCKING STANDPIPES in the street just to get a drink of water.

Sunday, 8 July 2018

The Heat is On

Are we bleedin' back again already? Ain't no rest for the wicked these days. It seems like only a few weeks ago we were all crying into our plastic cups as once again our beloved team had crashed out in the first go at the play-offs. Still, it did cap off a season where we saw us finish in our highest ever league position. But we won't mention the cup competitions.

Monday, 11 June 2018

CONIFA 2018 Day 6 - From Last to First

As we got deeper and deeper into the CONIFA Rabbit hole, a certain route to the finish became clear to me. With the final scheduled for 6pm at Enfield and the 15th\16th Place Play off at 12 down in Bedfont at the end of the Heathrow runways it meant that I could see both the best and the 'worst' that the tournament had to offer all in the one final day.

Friday, 8 June 2018

CONIFA 2018 DAY 5 - Brucie, Billy and the Magyars

If you hadn't already guessed, the last few days have mostly been a blur of going to football, watching football, taking pictures of football and then writing about football. And this means that the good lady has had to put up with this football bollocks a bit longer than she normally would in a regular season. So, with a handy blank day from CONIFA-ing yesterday, I dedicated myself to my beloved and we headed up town for a bit of culture vulturing.

Wednesday, 6 June 2018

CONFIA 2018 Day 4 - HUN-GA-RIA For Success

So, here we are then. The nitty gritty, the serious stuff, the exciting bit. The group stages are done, we've lost half of our 16 teams (except we haven't really as they're all playing Placement games until Saturday, but we'll ignore that for now) and we're now into the knockout stages of what's so far been a pretty entertaining CONIFA 2018 World Football Cup.

Monday, 4 June 2018

CONIFA 2018 Day 3 - Tantra Techniques & Poor Panenkas

After the truncated nature of Day 2, it's back to full steam ahead for CONIFA Day 3 here at Gandermonium HQ. We've got two games lined up and best of all, they're both new grounds. Which for sad Non-League nerds like us, is frankly just about the best thing in the world. I only hope the fucking Groundhopper app lets me check in to these ones unlike at Haringey yesterday. Which being a Premium user, left me most perturbed. I should probably write to my MP and complain. Either that or start a rubbish online petition...

CONIFA 2018 Day 2 - Battle of the Lands

I hate adulting, it's rubbish. Always getting in the way of the really important and cool stuff. Like pissing about following a football tournament for teams from places that officially don't really exist. Can you outsource your adulting? Is that a think these days? Surely in this post-Brexit, make profit from any old rubbish world, there's some firm somewhere that can take care of all the stuff that gets in the way of the things we really want to be doing? Anyone? Hello? Is this thing on??

Friday, 1 June 2018

CONIFA 2018 Day 1 - Starting With Nothing

Normally, an alarm to wake me on a Thursday morning is not a fun thing. It means getting up and going to work. Which I unfortunately have to do as I want (and need) money to do stupid shit and drink beer at the weekends. Oh and pay my mortgage, yeah that too. But mostly the first two if I'm honest. However, today is a little different to a normal Thursday morning.

CONIFA 2018 Day 1 - Bakelite Gramophone

I’d been looking forward to the CONIFA world football cup ever since it was announced that West Sutton would be hosting a decent chunk of the tournament. Any opportunity to promote the People’s Republic to the outside world is an opportunity to be embraced warmly and we’d been counting down the days to the noon kick off at GGL on the last day of May.

Wednesday, 30 May 2018

West Sutton Welcomes the World!

If you've been paying attention in the last couple of months to our ramblings on here and on social media (and let's face it, why wouldn't you have been?) you may have noticed us mention something called 'CONIFA' once or twice. What do you mean 'no'? Oh come on, you must have done?? Not even once? Oh never mind, just humour us ok.

CONIFA is the Confederation of Independent Football Associations. A volunteer run organisation which takes care of all non-FIFA affiliated football associations or "those representing nations, minorities, isolated dependencies or cultural regions". And like the big boys at FIFA, they have a 'World Cup' too. And this week, they're bringing it to not only London, but our very own doorstep.

Wednesday, 23 May 2018

2017/18 Season Review - Part 3

So, here we are. The final part of our Season Review for 2017/18. And if you recall from the last instalment (come on, it was only a couple of days ago. It's not that hard!) we left the lads early in the New Year sitting in 5th spot and with safety already assured, but having travelled all the way to Barrow for no fucking reason whatsoever. Can we keep it going to the end? Can we make a genuine challenge for the title or will it be play-offs or even sod all and mid-table once more? Will we ever win the Surrey Cup again?

Ok, so Dukey made us put that last bit in, but as for the rest of it you'd best read on and find out hadn't you? You'll get no spoilers out of us!

Friday, 18 May 2018

2017/18 Season Review - Part 2

Having started the season well and had some fun in topping the table not once, not twice, but FOUR times already, it could be said life is pretty good for the Amber clad inhabitants of the People's republic. That and we're still in the FA Cup AND (to you-know-who's delight) the Surrey Cup. Ok, so we've not played a game in the latter yet, but it still counts you know!

Can the U's maintain the strong start? Can they keep annoying everyone by continually going top and then immediately losing the spot the following week? Will the FL ever decide what the fuck is going on with artificial pitches? Oh like we'd know. Just shut your face and tuck into Part Two....

Saturday, 12 May 2018

2017/18 Season Review - Part 1

So, 2016/17. That was a bit mental eh? 5th Round of the FA Cup, playing Arsenal, some bloke eating a pie, front page of the Sun. Like I said. Mental. So, I guess we'd all be up for one of those nice, quiet, boring mid-table seasons after all that fucking palaver? Then again, this is our second campaign back at this level and they can be notoriously difficult. Well, yeah, about that...

Monday, 7 May 2018

The Colin Luckett Effect

So is that it then? Bugger it! All over before the fat lady has even warmed up with a gargle of mouthwash. I suppose if she'd choked on it, then that could've been us. Because today was the day we choked, big time. Not for the first time in our history have we been only 90 minutes from a trip to Wembley and fallen at the final hurdle. And that still hurts, so let's at least start with a spot of good old enthusiasm and before the match...

Sunday, 29 April 2018

Three's a Charm

Aah Aldershot!  Come on then, who thought when the fixture list came out last summer that it would all come crashing in like a whirlwind down Gander Green Lane for this final regulation game of yet another epic season for this football club of ours? Fuck off you did.

Sunday, 22 April 2018

A State of Pure Inebriation

Did anyone see that coming? Well, I did say last time round that knowing the way that Sutton perform, it would be just our way that we'd lose against Maidenhead and then pull it out of the onion bag against Gravesend & Northfleet Ebbsfleet. But then again, I didn't actually believe what I said and like most, thought we were on course for a spanking.

Wednesday, 18 April 2018

Fraying at the Edges

It is fair to say that our season is rapidly unravelling. Unravelling in fact at a speed not seen since Sir Edmund Hilary dropped his lucky ball of string when stood just shy of the summit of Everest. Since we briefly returned to the top of the table after narrowly beating Chester back on the 24th of March, we've managed to collect a grand total of 1 point from the 15 available. And even in a silly old season like this one where no one seems to really want to go up, that's proving to be pretty damaging to what looked like a nailed on play off spot 3 weeks ago.

Sunday, 15 April 2018

No Massa McCarthy

Sutton United versus Hartlepool United, down Gander Green Lane, in a league match. Na, doesn't sound right that. But then again, in a few months time, we could be in a real surreal place, if things go down a particular path. But let's not get too carried away with ourselves here, It's not the Surrey Senior Cup after all.

Thursday, 12 April 2018

Love Sex Intelligence

A couple of weeks back, one of the Gandermonium crew found himself the proud owner of a new DVD he'd successfully bid on and won from a popular online auction webbsite. Fifteen quid he'd paid for this piece of physical media, which contained the whole 90 minutes of a Sutton United versus Dover game,  one he didn't already possess in his ever expanding collection. So you can imagine his disappointment when he received it to find it was for the game at Crabble in Dos' first season, when we got bummed in the gob 6-0 on the day they won the Ryman League title.

Wednesday, 11 April 2018

A Two Hander

When the call came in from the gaffer “Do you fancy doing a two hander with Duke in Blackpool?” – stop sniggering at the back – it wasn’t really a question as such, more an editorial instruction that no level of good or half arsed excuses could simply palm away.

Monday, 9 April 2018

Barry's Dogging Circle, Dirty!

Well, we can gladly say that the title race is finally over. For the rest of season we'll be looking over our shoulders now at the chasing pack instead of seeing what Macclesfield are doing. Shame really, as it was only a few weeks back where we were right on their tails and dreaming of the most unlikeliest of stories since Buster Douglas knocked out that Tyson fella.

Tuesday, 3 April 2018

The Bromley Contingent

Bromley.  Now, here’s a thing.  There are people around suburban south London who will try and have you believe that Bromley is, in some mad and contrived way, a "cool" place. I know, complete and utter nonsense but I’m just scratching around for a few pars of blog intro, so stick with me kids.

Sunday, 1 April 2018

Abandonment Issues

Back in November 2012, we brought Gandermonium back from the dead. Dukey and Juan (remember him?) had pestered me sufficiently that I went and gave them a new toy to play with. Of course, having gone to all that effort, the planned first game back 'in action' was called off about an hour after we'd arrived and hit the pub for the mandatory pre-match refreshments. The venue? Maidenhead. Must be something about the place.

Monday, 26 March 2018

Getting it off your Chester

"It's a funny ol' game!" as Jimmy Greaves used to say, most commonly on his popular Saturday afternoon sports show 'Saint and Greavsie' with Ian St John back in the late 80's\early 90's. Well, we reckon that if the popular combo were still broadcasting today, he'd probably be updating it for the 21st century audience and suffixing it with something along the lines of "....but that National League shit's just bare whackledackle Saint!". Well, either that or just mumble something along the lines of "Fucks sake, I should have retired years ago".

Sunday, 18 March 2018

Yankee Candles

Maidstone, are they the fabled Kentish men or Men of Kent? Does it matter? What am I on about? Have I been drinking? Well yes in fact, but that's not the point, although we could've done with at least one on Saturday. With myself being born in a former part of the county, a la South-East London, my Aunt always reminds me that I am actually a Kentish Man. Well I think she said I was Kentish, can't think what else she could've meant.

Monday, 12 March 2018

Moor Moor Moor!

Anyone else been doing one of those fantasy football things this year? I don't normally bother myself as they tend to be the sort of thing your average OPTA stats obsessed, heat map, pub bore PL armchair type does. But a few of the lads in my office were partaking and ever keen to appear to be social outside of a licensed premises type environment, I too picked a side and left it to fail miserably. To my surprise however, it's done quite well, even topping the league a few times but never lasting more than a week at the summit in true Sutton United style.

Thursday, 8 March 2018

Rock the Cock

Greetings to you, our loyal Gandermonium readers for this latest blog against Surrey rivals Woking. Let us firstly track back to the previous week though and a cancelled trip to Halifax.  It seems that white stuff of the cold variety struck a lot of the UK and caused the postponement of many football matches across the country although the “Lords” of the Premier League remain unaffected.

Wednesday, 28 February 2018

15 Years and Counting...

OK people, standard fare for this blog. Sutton are once again in standard Surrey Senior cup action. At home against lower league opposition, in a competition that has us outright favourites considering we're to the top placed team in the whole of the county. The only problem? As has become a custom for this we were going to put out a under strength team. Now what could possibly go wrong right?

Monday, 26 February 2018

The Wrong Sutton

Even in this day and age, it's still a widely held belief that 'JC' saves all who will receive his gift of salvation and those who fully trust in his sacrifice alone as the payment for sin. Which is all well and good if you're into all that theological babble, but seeing as it's not really my cup of Darjeeling, I'll instead settle for an unswerving belief in his ability to stick away a last minute peno on a cold Tuesday night in Torquay thank you very much. Horses for courses innit.

Wednesday, 21 February 2018

Down in the Gulls

So once again Sutton are back on the road for yet another long distance midweek adventure. Content with a point after  a 600+ mile round trip up to Cumbria, it's now only a mere 400 mile round trip to the wilds of Devon to take on one of bottom four at Plainmoor. And just to think, there was a time when people used to moan about going to Hastings midweek. Oh how the times have changed...

Sunday, 18 February 2018

Mickey & his Hattie Jacques

Another giant of the non-league game like ourselves who find their on-field activities overshadowed by the indiscretions of one of their former staffers. Just before Christmas I was in a bar on the Costa sipping a cold Mahou when I got talking to a local expat, as you do, and inevitably the subject matter turned to football. Enquiring as to who I support, I told him Sutton United;

“Aah, I know them. That big fella eating the pie, brilliant, whatever happened to him?”

Wednesday, 14 February 2018

Arise the Barrow 10! Or 12. Or Bloody 13...

There's hardcore, there's really hardcore and there's bleedin' bloody stupid. And what category would you call the members of Gandermonium? Because it's a cold Tuesday night in February and some of us have made the small 315 mile trip North to watch a rearranged football match of the fifth division variety. And that's before we do the same 315 miles back home again.

Monday, 12 February 2018

The Wrong End Of Town

Having slipped out of the Trophy in a muddy field in the arse end of Northamptonshire last weekend, we've mostly spent this week mumbling about 'Concentrating on the league' and consoling ourselves that a day out at Wembley is hugely overrated anyway as it's a shit soulless bowl and we'd hate being surrounded by loads of day trippers. Well, that's what we're telling ourselves anway...

Monday, 5 February 2018

A Satisfying Plop

Hello my little turtle doves. How nice to see you all again. And what a eventful 4 weeks it's been since I last was before you for the Gateshead blog. Since then, we've progressed in the FA Trophy and the Surrey Cup (much to you-know-who's delight) and had another big win on the telly box. However, the main thing that's happened is that large chunk of the division seems to have managed it's finances about as well as I have after Xmas.

Sunday, 28 January 2018

Total Dedication and a lot of Devotion

Well it finally had to happen one day I suppose. In fact, you have to go all the way back to the first ever blog of the second incarnation of Gandermonium to understand what I'm waffling on about. Maidenhead away 23rd November 2012, a day that will live in infamy (as some bloke said once) if we ever get our way in the world. Which we probably won't.

Monday, 22 January 2018

The Sutton always shines on TV

Greetings readers, before we begin there was the subject of two draws to listen in to recently. The FA Trophy and our colleague Dukey’s favourite competition, the Surrey Senior Cup. In the Trophy it could have been Barrow for the second week in a row however Brackley overcame them in the replay and that is our opponents; and more importantly (for Dukey!) it’s Merstham in the SSC.

Sunday, 14 January 2018

Petit Robusto

Hendon. During the seventies (I know, I know I’m starting to sound like Uncle Albert, get used to it), Hendon were a massive force in the non league game. Their old Claremont Road ground, with it’s old school proper floodlight pylons was an absolute gem of a place.  Sad to see it go but pleased for the Dons, that after a few years as a nomad club, and after a long hard slog by their officials and supporters who have refused to give up, they have now secured themselves a new permanent home.  Good luck to em.

Tuesday, 9 January 2018

Marchin' Already

The greatest cup competition that this county can possibly offer is once again gracing the gloriously always green Gander Green Lane turf. And of course, it's Gandermonium's very own foreign correspondent and Surrey Senior Cup obsessive aficionado, The Duke, who is going to take you through all the highs and lows that could possibly happen on such a magical occasion.

Monday, 8 January 2018

Crocodile Shoes

New Years resolutions. We're not sure why people bother to be honest. They always seem to choose something that is either quite vague (Be more adventurous!) or that's almost certainly going to lead to disappointment and or failure (Eat healthier!). We here at Gandermonium rarely, if ever bother for these reasons alone and that's before you consider it's a 12 month commitment. Sod that. We've got other more important things to worry about.

Tuesday, 2 January 2018

Memory Lane

Bienvenue, Willkommen, Aloha, Mauya, Vitaj and Croeso! Yes, welcome my friends to this brand spanking new year. One which, if many popular news outlets are to be believed is being widely called 'Two thousand and Eighteen'. It's a touch unimaginative if you ask us, but as absolutely no one is and as it seems to be catching on with most people, it's probably too late to go changing it now and go confusing everybody. I guess we'll have to let it slide. Just this once.