Monday, 11 June 2018

CONIFA 2018 Day 6 - From Last to First

As we got deeper and deeper into the CONIFA Rabbit hole, a certain route to the finish became clear to me. With the final scheduled for 6pm at Enfield and the 15th\16th Place Play off at 12 down in Bedfont at the end of the Heathrow runways it meant that I could see both the best and the 'worst' that the tournament had to offer all in the one final day.

Friday, 8 June 2018

CONIFA 2018 DAY 5 - Brucie, Billy and the Magyars

If you hadn't already guessed, the last few days have mostly been a blur of going to football, watching football, taking pictures of football and then writing about football. And this means that the good lady has had to put up with this football bollocks a bit longer than she normally would in a regular season. So, with a handy blank day from CONIFA-ing yesterday, I dedicated myself to my beloved and we headed up town for a bit of culture vulturing.

Wednesday, 6 June 2018

CONFIA 2018 Day 4 - HUN-GA-RIA For Success

So, here we are then. The nitty gritty, the serious stuff, the exciting bit. The group stages are done, we've lost half of our 16 teams (except we haven't really as they're all playing Placement games until Saturday, but we'll ignore that for now) and we're now into the knockout stages of what's so far been a pretty entertaining CONIFA 2018 World Football Cup.

Monday, 4 June 2018

CONIFA 2018 Day 3 - Tantra Techniques & Poor Panenkas

After the truncated nature of Day 2, it's back to full steam ahead for CONIFA Day 3 here at Gandermonium HQ. We've got two games lined up and best of all, they're both new grounds. Which for sad Non-League nerds like us, is frankly just about the best thing in the world. I only hope the fucking Groundhopper app lets me check in to these ones unlike at Haringey yesterday. Which being a Premium user, left me most perturbed. I should probably write to my MP and complain. Either that or start a rubbish online petition...

CONIFA 2018 Day 2 - Battle of the Lands

I hate adulting, it's rubbish. Always getting in the way of the really important and cool stuff. Like pissing about following a football tournament for teams from places that officially don't really exist. Can you outsource your adulting? Is that a think these days? Surely in this post-Brexit, make profit from any old rubbish world, there's some firm somewhere that can take care of all the stuff that gets in the way of the things we really want to be doing? Anyone? Hello? Is this thing on??

Friday, 1 June 2018

CONIFA 2018 Day 1 - Starting With Nothing

Normally, an alarm to wake me on a Thursday morning is not a fun thing. It means getting up and going to work. Which I unfortunately have to do as I want (and need) money to do stupid shit and drink beer at the weekends. Oh and pay my mortgage, yeah that too. But mostly the first two if I'm honest. However, today is a little different to a normal Thursday morning.

CONIFA 2018 Day 1 - Bakelite Gramophone

I’d been looking forward to the CONIFA world football cup ever since it was announced that West Sutton would be hosting a decent chunk of the tournament. Any opportunity to promote the People’s Republic to the outside world is an opportunity to be embraced warmly and we’d been counting down the days to the noon kick off at GGL on the last day of May.

Wednesday, 30 May 2018

West Sutton Welcomes the World!

If you've been paying attention in the last couple of months to our ramblings on here and on social media (and let's face it, why wouldn't you have been?) you may have noticed us mention something called 'CONIFA' once or twice. What do you mean 'no'? Oh come on, you must have done?? Not even once? Oh never mind, just humour us ok.

CONIFA is the Confederation of Independent Football Associations. A volunteer run organisation which takes care of all non-FIFA affiliated football associations or "those representing nations, minorities, isolated dependencies or cultural regions". And like the big boys at FIFA, they have a 'World Cup' too. And this week, they're bringing it to not only London, but our very own doorstep.

Wednesday, 23 May 2018

2017/18 Season Review - Part 3

So, here we are. The final part of our Season Review for 2017/18. And if you recall from the last instalment (come on, it was only a couple of days ago. It's not that hard!) we left the lads early in the New Year sitting in 5th spot and with safety already assured, but having travelled all the way to Barrow for no fucking reason whatsoever. Can we keep it going to the end? Can we make a genuine challenge for the title or will it be play-offs or even sod all and mid-table once more? Will we ever win the Surrey Cup again?

Ok, so Dukey made us put that last bit in, but as for the rest of it you'd best read on and find out hadn't you? You'll get no spoilers out of us!

Friday, 18 May 2018

2017/18 Season Review - Part 2

Having started the season well and had some fun in topping the table not once, not twice, but FOUR times already, it could be said life is pretty good for the Amber clad inhabitants of the People's republic. That and we're still in the FA Cup AND (to you-know-who's delight) the Surrey Cup. Ok, so we've not played a game in the latter yet, but it still counts you know!

Can the U's maintain the strong start? Can they keep annoying everyone by continually going top and then immediately losing the spot the following week? Will the FL ever decide what the fuck is going on with artificial pitches? Oh like we'd know. Just shut your face and tuck into Part Two....

Saturday, 12 May 2018

2017/18 Season Review - Part 1

So, 2016/17. That was a bit mental eh? 5th Round of the FA Cup, playing Arsenal, some bloke eating a pie, front page of the Sun. Like I said. Mental. So, I guess we'd all be up for one of those nice, quiet, boring mid-table seasons after all that fucking palaver? Then again, this is our second campaign back at this level and they can be notoriously difficult. Well, yeah, about that...

Monday, 7 May 2018

The Colin Luckett Effect

So is that it then? Bugger it! All over before the fat lady has even warmed up with a gargle of mouthwash. I suppose if she'd choked on it, then that could've been us. Because today was the day we choked, big time. Not for the first time in our history have we been only 90 minutes from a trip to Wembley and fallen at the final hurdle. And that still hurts, so let's at least start with a spot of good old enthusiasm and before the match...

Sunday, 29 April 2018

Three's a Charm

Aah Aldershot!  Come on then, who thought when the fixture list came out last summer that it would all come crashing in like a whirlwind down Gander Green Lane for this final regulation game of yet another epic season for this football club of ours? Fuck off you did.

Sunday, 22 April 2018

A State of Pure Inebriation

Did anyone see that coming? Well, I did say last time round that knowing the way that Sutton perform, it would be just our way that we'd lose against Maidenhead and then pull it out of the onion bag against Gravesend & Northfleet Ebbsfleet. But then again, I didn't actually believe what I said and like most, thought we were on course for a spanking.

Wednesday, 18 April 2018

Fraying at the Edges

It is fair to say that our season is rapidly unravelling. Unravelling in fact at a speed not seen since Sir Edmund Hilary dropped his lucky ball of string when stood just shy of the summit of Everest. Since we briefly returned to the top of the table after narrowly beating Chester back on the 24th of March, we've managed to collect a grand total of 1 point from the 15 available. And even in a silly old season like this one where no one seems to really want to go up, that's proving to be pretty damaging to what looked like a nailed on play off spot 3 weeks ago.

Sunday, 15 April 2018

No Massa McCarthy

Sutton United versus Hartlepool United, down Gander Green Lane, in a league match. Na, doesn't sound right that. But then again, in a few months time, we could be in a real surreal place, if things go down a particular path. But let's not get too carried away with ourselves here, It's not the Surrey Senior Cup after all.

Thursday, 12 April 2018

Love Sex Intelligence

A couple of weeks back, one of the Gandermonium crew found himself the proud owner of a new DVD he'd successfully bid on and won from a popular online auction webbsite. Fifteen quid he'd paid for this piece of physical media, which contained the whole 90 minutes of a Sutton United versus Dover game,  one he didn't already possess in his ever expanding collection. So you can imagine his disappointment when he received it to find it was for the game at Crabble in Dos' first season, when we got bummed in the gob 6-0 on the day they won the Ryman League title.

Wednesday, 11 April 2018

A Two Hander

When the call came in from the gaffer “Do you fancy doing a two hander with Duke in Blackpool?” – stop sniggering at the back – it wasn’t really a question as such, more an editorial instruction that no level of good or half arsed excuses could simply palm away.

Monday, 9 April 2018

Barry's Dogging Circle, Dirty!

Well, we can gladly say that the title race is finally over. For the rest of season we'll be looking over our shoulders now at the chasing pack instead of seeing what Macclesfield are doing. Shame really, as it was only a few weeks back where we were right on their tails and dreaming of the most unlikeliest of stories since Buster Douglas knocked out that Tyson fella.

Tuesday, 3 April 2018

The Bromley Contingent

Bromley.  Now, here’s a thing.  There are people around suburban south London who will try and have you believe that Bromley is, in some mad and contrived way, a "cool" place. I know, complete and utter nonsense but I’m just scratching around for a few pars of blog intro, so stick with me kids.

Sunday, 1 April 2018

Abandonment Issues

Back in November 2012, we brought Gandermonium back from the dead. Dukey and Juan (remember him?) had pestered me sufficiently that I went and gave them a new toy to play with. Of course, having gone to all that effort, the planned first game back 'in action' was called off about an hour after we'd arrived and hit the pub for the mandatory pre-match refreshments. The venue? Maidenhead. Must be something about the place.

Monday, 26 March 2018

Getting it off your Chester

"It's a funny ol' game!" as Jimmy Greaves used to say, most commonly on his popular Saturday afternoon sports show 'Saint and Greavsie' with Ian St John back in the late 80's\early 90's. Well, we reckon that if the popular combo were still broadcasting today, he'd probably be updating it for the 21st century audience and suffixing it with something along the lines of "....but that National League shit's just bare whackledackle Saint!". Well, either that or just mumble something along the lines of "Fucks sake, I should have retired years ago".

Sunday, 18 March 2018

Yankee Candles

Maidstone, are they the fabled Kentish men or Men of Kent? Does it matter? What am I on about? Have I been drinking? Well yes in fact, but that's not the point, although we could've done with at least one on Saturday. With myself being born in a former part of the county, a la South-East London, my Aunt always reminds me that I am actually a Kentish Man. Well I think she said I was Kentish, can't think what else she could've meant.

Monday, 12 March 2018

Moor Moor Moor!

Anyone else been doing one of those fantasy football things this year? I don't normally bother myself as they tend to be the sort of thing your average OPTA stats obsessed, heat map, pub bore PL armchair type does. But a few of the lads in my office were partaking and ever keen to appear to be social outside of a licensed premises type environment, I too picked a side and left it to fail miserably. To my surprise however, it's done quite well, even topping the league a few times but never lasting more than a week at the summit in true Sutton United style.

Thursday, 8 March 2018

Rock the Cock

Greetings to you, our loyal Gandermonium readers for this latest blog against Surrey rivals Woking. Let us firstly track back to the previous week though and a cancelled trip to Halifax.  It seems that white stuff of the cold variety struck a lot of the UK and caused the postponement of many football matches across the country although the “Lords” of the Premier League remain unaffected.

Wednesday, 28 February 2018

15 Years and Counting...

OK people, standard fare for this blog. Sutton are once again in standard Surrey Senior cup action. At home against lower league opposition, in a competition that has us outright favourites considering we're to the top placed team in the whole of the county. The only problem? As has become a custom for this we were going to put out a under strength team. Now what could possibly go wrong right?

Monday, 26 February 2018

The Wrong Sutton

Even in this day and age, it's still a widely held belief that 'JC' saves all who will receive his gift of salvation and those who fully trust in his sacrifice alone as the payment for sin. Which is all well and good if you're into all that theological babble, but seeing as it's not really my cup of Darjeeling, I'll instead settle for an unswerving belief in his ability to stick away a last minute peno on a cold Tuesday night in Torquay thank you very much. Horses for courses innit.

Wednesday, 21 February 2018

Down in the Gulls

So once again Sutton are back on the road for yet another long distance midweek adventure. Content with a point after  a 600+ mile round trip up to Cumbria, it's now only a mere 400 mile round trip to the wilds of Devon to take on one of bottom four at Plainmoor. And just to think, there was a time when people used to moan about going to Hastings midweek. Oh how the times have changed...

Sunday, 18 February 2018

Mickey & his Hattie Jacques

Another giant of the non-league game like ourselves who find their on-field activities overshadowed by the indiscretions of one of their former staffers. Just before Christmas I was in a bar on the Costa sipping a cold Mahou when I got talking to a local expat, as you do, and inevitably the subject matter turned to football. Enquiring as to who I support, I told him Sutton United;

“Aah, I know them. That big fella eating the pie, brilliant, whatever happened to him?”

Wednesday, 14 February 2018

Arise the Barrow 10! Or 12. Or Bloody 13...

There's hardcore, there's really hardcore and there's bleedin' bloody stupid. And what category would you call the members of Gandermonium? Because it's a cold Tuesday night in February and some of us have made the small 315 mile trip North to watch a rearranged football match of the fifth division variety. And that's before we do the same 315 miles back home again.

Monday, 12 February 2018

The Wrong End Of Town

Having slipped out of the Trophy in a muddy field in the arse end of Northamptonshire last weekend, we've mostly spent this week mumbling about 'Concentrating on the league' and consoling ourselves that a day out at Wembley is hugely overrated anyway as it's a shit soulless bowl and we'd hate being surrounded by loads of day trippers. Well, that's what we're telling ourselves anway...

Monday, 5 February 2018

A Satisfying Plop

Hello my little turtle doves. How nice to see you all again. And what a eventful 4 weeks it's been since I last was before you for the Gateshead blog. Since then, we've progressed in the FA Trophy and the Surrey Cup (much to you-know-who's delight) and had another big win on the telly box. However, the main thing that's happened is that large chunk of the division seems to have managed it's finances about as well as I have after Xmas.

Sunday, 28 January 2018

Total Dedication and a lot of Devotion

Well it finally had to happen one day I suppose. In fact, you have to go all the way back to the first ever blog of the second incarnation of Gandermonium to understand what I'm waffling on about. Maidenhead away 23rd November 2012, a day that will live in infamy (as some bloke said once) if we ever get our way in the world. Which we probably won't.

Monday, 22 January 2018

The Sutton always shines on TV

Greetings readers, before we begin there was the subject of two draws to listen in to recently. The FA Trophy and our colleague Dukey’s favourite competition, the Surrey Senior Cup. In the Trophy it could have been Barrow for the second week in a row however Brackley overcame them in the replay and that is our opponents; and more importantly (for Dukey!) it’s Merstham in the SSC.

Sunday, 14 January 2018

Petit Robusto

Hendon. During the seventies (I know, I know I’m starting to sound like Uncle Albert, get used to it), Hendon were a massive force in the non league game. Their old Claremont Road ground, with it’s old school proper floodlight pylons was an absolute gem of a place.  Sad to see it go but pleased for the Dons, that after a few years as a nomad club, and after a long hard slog by their officials and supporters who have refused to give up, they have now secured themselves a new permanent home.  Good luck to em.

Tuesday, 9 January 2018

Marchin' Already

The greatest cup competition that this county can possibly offer is once again gracing the gloriously always green Gander Green Lane turf. And of course, it's Gandermonium's very own foreign correspondent and Surrey Senior Cup obsessive aficionado, The Duke, who is going to take you through all the highs and lows that could possibly happen on such a magical occasion.

Monday, 8 January 2018

Crocodile Shoes

New Years resolutions. We're not sure why people bother to be honest. They always seem to choose something that is either quite vague (Be more adventurous!) or that's almost certainly going to lead to disappointment and or failure (Eat healthier!). We here at Gandermonium rarely, if ever bother for these reasons alone and that's before you consider it's a 12 month commitment. Sod that. We've got other more important things to worry about.

Tuesday, 2 January 2018

Memory Lane

Bienvenue, Willkommen, Aloha, Mauya, Vitaj and Croeso! Yes, welcome my friends to this brand spanking new year. One which, if many popular news outlets are to be believed is being widely called 'Two thousand and Eighteen'. It's a touch unimaginative if you ask us, but as absolutely no one is and as it seems to be catching on with most people, it's probably too late to go changing it now and go confusing everybody. I guess we'll have to let it slide. Just this once.