Thursday, 25 May 2017

2016/2017 Season Review - Part 3

So. as the season enters its final third we're finally able to relax and enjoy the run in with Conference safety assured. Like bollocks we can! We're in the last 16 of the FA Cup and have Arsenal at home, we still need points to be sure of National League football next season and Totts song is still doing the rounds! It's like a fucking madhouse round here. So, dive in dear reader and enjoy the drama and the chaos that was February to April in the last part of this Gandermonium Season Review...

Tuesday, 23 May 2017

Cold Turkey

Oh come on, you know us. We might give it all the "Thank fuck that's over" and talk about putting our feet up as soon as the season ends, but when you finish mid-table like us this year, there's always loads of post-season malarkey going on to tempt you into just going to one more game. Just one more. A bit like Mr Creosote and that one tiny little 'wahfuh theen meent'. Can't hurt.

Then we'll definitely put our feet up. Honest.

Saturday, 20 May 2017

2016/2017 Season Review - Part 2

In Part 1, we got our first Conference Season underway in 16 years, were briefly the 95th best team in England, got the impression we were largely going to be getting sod all away from home and also knocked the best team in the draw out of the FA Cup. So, not at all bad really. Now, it gets a bit wordy from here on in. so we'd suggest a cuppa and at least 2 digestives for this part.

To Dartford. And the FA Cup!

Friday, 12 May 2017

2016/2017 Season Review - Part 1

So here we are again. Another year, another season. Done. And whilst that means time for most of you to book a week somewhere sunny and the lads to go off and let their hair down, eating shit food and doing too many Jagerbombs, for us here at Gandermonium there's still work to be done. Mainly summarising all the shit we just watched for 9 months.

So, get a Jager down you, suck up that kebab and get your feet up as we relive our first season back at National Level for 16 years. Shouldn't take long, it's not like much happened after all....

Monday, 1 May 2017

Eh Up! Let's Sup!

Aaaand we are done. Finished. Complete. Concluded. Finito. This is now officially an ex-season. Deceased. Gawn to meet it's maker. It it not merely resting, but pushing up daisies. And what a funny old 9 months it's been to get here.

Sunday, 23 April 2017

Hairy Chesters

Don't worry, we're nearly there now. It won't be long before we can all take a break from the ups and downs of yet another Sutton United season and just turn our heads to other pursuits. I don't know, something like watching cricket? Or maybe taking the wife to B&Q on a Saturday? Or even reorganise your DVD collection based on the studio that released it instead of a highly complicated system that is so complex, to even explain it in this blog would be fruitless. But I'll try anyway. I call it "Alphabetical".

Tuesday, 18 April 2017

Dagenham Royal Swagger

Dagenham. Away. Easter bank holiday Monday. A clear sign that the long season is starting to wind its way to a conclusion. With this being my final report for Gandermonium before the summer break I decided to have a bit of a run up to it and posted up a daily Dagenham-related song on the old twitter feed across the bank holiday weekend.

Sunday, 16 April 2017

Three Blows to the Heed

As we arrive at the traditional Easter weekend double-header, I'm still rather surprised to realise that this year's campaign is very nearly over. I mean, it seemed to be going on and on at one point. But with Chocolate Egg weekend being a little late this year, we only have four games remaining. Four bloody more games of no importance to anyone as we're in no danger of a play off spot or relegation. Oh wait...

Wednesday, 12 April 2017

The One and Only...

The title is quite relevant to I – as in I like the Chesney Hawkes’ song (which many of you readers will be aware as I have put this on the jukebox, often!).  But no, it could also mean that I am the one and only fighting “demons” and have been for the last year over so many different things, but I am man enough to admit it – it is not!  No, the title means that yours truly has season ticket number one, again, for the 2017/2018 season just like I had for this one.

Wednesday, 5 April 2017

Right in the Birkenheads

So, having failed to catch our train to Switzerland on Saturday by falling to another away defeat to a rather mediocre Woking side, we instead had the simple task of travelling all the way to Liverpool to face Tranmere to bag those 3 points which would all but confirm National League football next season.

Monday, 3 April 2017

Von Ryan's Express

If you were to use a popular internet search engine and enter the phrase 'Painfully long and unnecessarily drawn out processes', next to results like the refurbishment of London Bridge station and Belly deciding what fucking pint to have when stood at the bar you'd most likely find 'Sutton United's attempts to confirm further National League membership 2016/17' as one of the top results.

Wednesday, 29 March 2017

Deacon's Thunderbolt

So with a mere eight games to go in what will no doubt be a semi-memorable season (I doubt Dover at home will be forgotten for a while that's for sure!), it was the turn of possible league champions Lincoln to visit the old Borough Sports Ground. And after the near demolition of North Ferriby on Saturday, we had every right to feel that this might not be a hammering we once thought it might be.

Sunday, 26 March 2017

Plenty Of Fish

Sometimes, things don't quite pan out how you plan them. Take for instance just this very Tuesday where I'd aimed to head down for the mega 6 pointer with fellow Conf South promotee's from Kent who aren't Ebbsfleet. So well planned was my planning, that I had even 3 paragraphs of bollocks and pre-amble all written before the game.

Thursday, 23 March 2017

The No Smoking Loza

So we're back at the Gallagher once again. Last time round it was a midweek contest that had second place Maidstone try and ultimately fail in stopping our charge towards the Conference South title. This time round it's a little different. 18th vs 19th. Still, at least we both ended up going up at the expense of Gravesend Ebbsfleet,

Sunday, 19 March 2017

7 Balls & a Beaver

How's your luck, eh? Not for the first time this season (and probably not the last), our performance away from home doesn't reflect in the result. And in a results-driven business these days, that's all that matters. So with eleven games to go, Sutton were still a little short of the safety mark. Would a trip to Hampshire change all that? Well read on...

Wednesday, 15 March 2017

Woodbines & Offal

It would be fair to say that my old man never really understood vegetarianism. He was an advocate of the old-school principle that everything from an animal’s arsehole to its snout was all fit for the pot. There used to be a stall in the long-lost , and long-lamented,  Sutton Indoor Market where you could get offal of every description. Trays of assorted guts would be lined up wobbling and shimmering under the strip lights.

Tuesday, 14 March 2017

Making Hard York of Things

So here we are. FA Cup Quarter Final day! 90 minutes from the Semi-Finals and a game at Wembley. Unfortunately, it's got absolutely bugger all to do with us given Mr Wenger's lot unfairly nudged us out by scoring more goals than us a couple of weeks back. And since then, we've instead been slogging it out on the road with trips to each end of the country to the likes of Torquay & Barrow.

Tuesday, 7 March 2017

I Left my Guts to Barrow

Do you know that I was beginning to believe that Sutton's consecutive run in the GM Vauxhall National Conference without a clean sheet was going to go the distance. It seemed that I'd be telling my mini-dukes of the great heroics of when Sutton beat Gateshead 9-0 back in September 1990. And how it was the last time we'd stopped the oppo from scoring away from home.

Thursday, 2 March 2017

Isn’t it good, no its BOREham Wood!

The title for this blog is inspired by The Beatles’ “Norwegian Wood” for those who are of musical intellect like me!  So let’s begin by getting the past events out of the way.  It was only a week ago that we had hosted Arsenal, yes that’s Arsenal Football Club in the Fifth Round of the FA Cup.

Sunday, 26 February 2017

Double Tourque

Well thank fuck the media circus has finally fucked off and left town. Now it's time to get back to some sort of perceived normality. Especially considering that we seem to have slipped down the table somewhat a little bit of late. And what better way than to celebrate our return to boring old league action, but with a wealth of typically Gandermonium-mentality dick jokes!

Thursday, 23 February 2017

The Wengerbus Is Coming!

After the glamour and non-stop length of the M1 excitement that was Guiseley away we thought we'd put our feet up this weekend, have a quiet one and play someone a bit more low key than a little town a few miles north of Leeds. Y'know. Someone like, I dunno, Premier League Arsenal?

Friday, 17 February 2017

Indecent Proposal?

This is something a little unusual for us. An attempt at being serious. It's not a practice we're particularly big on if we're honest. However, sometimes you just have to take a deep breath and be adult for a change I suppose. So here goes...

Thursday, 16 February 2017

Emmerdale Farm

It's half seven on a Sunday morning, and one of my phones goes off. Before I know it, the low tones of the Red Army Choir are filling the room. "Why did I set my alarm?" I begin to think to myself as I shuffle off to point Percy at the porcelain. Suddenly a top secret WhatsApp message comes through from Southampton Steve. "Running late, pick you up at 0845hrs".

Monday, 13 February 2017

There's Always an Alan

Have you ever heard the phrase: "If I didn't laugh, I would cry". Well, if you hadn't, you have now. Yes readers I'm laughing. So much so, that I'm about to start having a coughing fit. So, I hear you ask, why are you laughing? Or am I actually crying? Or more than likely, you're thinking what the fuck am I going on about.

Thursday, 9 February 2017

Not Cheap, Not Cheerful

When a small outfit like ours finds itself in the spotlight, it's easy to get carried away with things and start living it large like them there big Premier League charlies. And why not, you're in the papers all the time and on the telly every 5 minutes. So you can very easily get all Dom Perignon and Suites at the Ritz when the old can of Tennents and a single room overlooking the bins at Croydon Premier Inn are more our sort of style.

Sunday, 5 February 2017

Eye of the Storm

After the madness that was last weekend, we now enter the eye of this FA Cup storm and the chance to enjoy a period of relative calmness to catch out breath & take stock of what the hell has happened over the last couple of weeks before we once more have to batten down the hatches and find ourselves buffeted by forces we don't fully understand nor can fully control.

Tuesday, 31 January 2017

Marching On Together

Wow. Just bloody wow! Even after over 24 hours, we are all still in shock. Sutton bloody United are in the 5th Round of the bleedin' FA Cup. The last 16! Get in there! I still can't believe it. I really did think that beating AFC "look at me" Wimbledon in the 3rd Round replay was going to be the highlight of the season. Wrong again.

Thursday, 26 January 2017

With a Rebel Yell...

With all the furore about the FA Cup this month, it's probably no surprise that its poor little old Non-League cousin the FA Trophy has been a touch bit in the shadows. With first the Wombles replay looming 72hrs after the tricky trip to Worthing and now the tiny weeny matter of a sell out 4th Rounder at home to Leeds loiters on the horizon.

Wednesday, 25 January 2017

Stearn Return

As good old Mr AB would say “what a time it is to be a Sutton United fan” how right you are sir! So to recap the week’s events, Tuesday night saw history being witnessed as we knocked out AFC Wimbledon in the replay and even they could not blame the pitch this time.

Wednesday, 18 January 2017

What's the Story, Tobermory?

Never been a fan of the Wombles, and truth be told never likely to be. Snouty-nosed fuckers scabbing off the jobs of street cleaners and bin-men.  Getting themselves all busy in shit that doesn’t concern them. You can keep em mate.

Monday, 16 January 2017

I Like Worthing Out

And we're back on the cup trail once again! This time it's the turn of the Amateur Cup FA Trophy to take a spin as we head into the second round with a fixture against Worthing. I doubt very much it'll be the same sort of affair as Curzon Ashton a mere twelve months ago. You know, ending up in Sutton O'Neill's with three of the opposition supporters, drinking one of them into a near coma. But then again, stranger things have happened within the crazy world that is Gandermonium.

Wednesday, 11 January 2017

Football Braint Fair Sometimes

So we're back on the road again. And this time it's a little trip to the wilds of North Essex to try and prevent the second defeat double of season. The team waiting to make this happen was Braintree no less. Some of us may remember the home fixture back in September when an injury time goal in front of the only sub 1000+ home league crowd gave them their fist away victory of the season.

Monday, 9 January 2017

Lectica Colligendis Rodentia

Hello everyone and welcome to 2017. The year everyone is hoping will be better than the Brexit tainted, Trump electing, famous person killing 12 months that preceeded it. Well, all except us here at HQ that is. Why? Well, because as far as we're concerned, 2016 was a bloody cracker.

Monday, 2 January 2017

Where the Sun Always Shines...

“Did you have a good Christmas?” Seriously, how many time do you get asked that inane question from Boxing Day onwards? The polite, and very British answer, is too say something equally brain-dead like “Yes. Quiet”