Sunday, 31 December 2017

Young, Gifted & Fat

So we move on to the final match of 2017. It's been an eventful year I suppose you could say. Who would've thought that a trip 'Oop North' to the wilds of near Manchester at this time of year would end being a top of the table clash? I suppose one way to treat it would be to use the words of Our Lord Dos: "If you'd offered me that before, I would tear your arm off."

Wednesday, 27 December 2017

The Footballing Fagin’s

“In this world, one thing counts. In the bank, large amounts.
I’m afraid these don’t grow on trees, You’ve gotta pick a pocket or two.”

Now Fagin is not a particularly festive figure I will grant you but as my thoughts turned to the Boxing Day away trip to Boredom Wood I could not get this tune out of my head. Why? Because this is a club that despite being awash with more Gooner cash than they can jam in their pockets still insists on acting tighter than Arkwright out of Open All Hours. And without the dry northern humour.

Sunday, 24 December 2017

T'was the Blog Before Christmas

T’was the game before Christmas, when all through the ground, Not a player was stirring, not even a ball. The kits were hanging in the dressing room with care, In hopes that three points would be had by five to five tonight.

The players were nestled altogether in the dressing room, While visions of scoring twenty yard shots went through their heads. And Dos in his gilet, Had given a rousing talk to get the team ready. 

Monday, 18 December 2017

Early Xmas Present

It's making a list and checking it twice, Gonna find out who's naughty and nice. The FA Trophy is comin' to town! Although it would seem that whilst we're not quite on the naughty list, we're probably on the 'undecided' one given that we've been a home tie with Truro. Sure they're a division below us, but they're going well and most importantly, if there's a draw, we face a midweek trip to Cornwall a week before Xmas. And that, quite frankly, can get to fuck.

Sunday, 10 December 2017

Rumblings In Newington Butts

Orient. Let's be honest about this shall we. If you'd said to me a couple of years back that just before Christmas 2017 we would be heading to Brisbane Road, vying for top spot in the National League to meet our newest London rivals the famous O's in a league game I would have sent you off to St Helier to have your bumps felt. Well, me old chinchillas here we fucking are then, aren't we?

Monday, 4 December 2017

Woah, We're Halfway There...

Eastleigh. Famous for two things: firstly, as the venue for my sixth-form education; secondly, the motivation for Taz’s list of never-to-be-revisited non-league football grounds - the “Eastleigh List”. Our trips to Ten Acres have never been particularly fruitful, and our early season defeat there left the editor of this here blog insistent that he’ll never darken that particularly inaccessible door ever again. We’ll see whether his principles (yes, apparently some of us have them) hold for that one, although the way they’re going it’ll be taken out of his hands as they wind up back in the Conference South.

Wednesday, 29 November 2017

The Other Price of Success

It's back once again! The bounty of the county, the premier cup competition has returned for another season. So while the wait is still on to catch up with Dulwich Hamlet's record tally of victories (16 to our 15), could this be the year? It's been a while since we've won, over fourteen years and counting, and now we're behind Woking's record final appearances.

Sunday, 26 November 2017

The Price of Success

Ah Leeds, one of the final bastions of virgin territory that has yet to see the Gandermonium boys inflict their trademark idiocy upon it. Well, virgin territory is a bit of a lie as several of the Firm have already sampled the place that invented Jelly Tots in the past. Oh yeah, full of information I am sometimes, or the inter webby thingy is at least...

Wednesday, 22 November 2017

The Likely Lads

As I head rapidly towards formal and legalised “concession” status, rather than just trying it on at the turnstile on a wintry awayday or at the pensioners lunch club down the Nelly, I find myself drawn increasingly to the more simple pleasures in life and the headlong dash towards what the marketing men laughingly call the Festive Season just serves to reinforce my more basic instincts.

Monday, 20 November 2017

Yakety Yak, Rossi's Back!

There is only one thing I can really write for this blog. Ross Stearn, that is all! Wise men say…… come on, I am a professional. It’s all part of being a Civil Servant!

So on Thursday we saw the final qualifier for the World Cup and it’s a welcome back to Peru, completing the 32 countries.  I do not rate England’s chances at all, and this has to be the most boring, unimaginative England side I have seen.  I would also like to personally advertise that if you are doing the Panini sticker book for this summer's tournament then I am happy to do swapsies.

Sunday, 12 November 2017

A Flange of Flamingos

Ah Ha! Our trip to Birmingham has finally arrived. Seems like a lifetime ago when I passed over a crisp tenner to a Gandermonium Travel's executive organiser for this one. And yet it never occurred to me that this was going to be a long trip. Especially when you realise that your return leg departs form the Midlands after nine o'bleedin' clock.

Monday, 6 November 2017

The Third Best Team in Cambridge?

The magic of the cup is back once again for Sutton. And this time it's another trip 'Oop North' to take on some more football league opposition. Cambridgeshire is the county and Cambridge is the town city and surprisingly enough for once it's not to visit to Milton Road. Well you can't go there anyway now as it's flats or summat, but to The Abbey to take on the United.

Monday, 30 October 2017

Ghoul-less Draw

Halloween, or All Hallows' Eve is apparently a celebration observed in a number of countries on 31 October, the eve of the Western Christian feast of All Hallows' Day. It begins the three-day observance of Allhallowtide the time in the liturgical year dedicated to remembering the dead, including saints (hallows), martyrs, and all the faithful departed. So quite what the fuck that's got to do with kids terrorising neighbourhoods begging for sweets whilst dressed as Darth Vader or Clowns I've not a clue.

Wednesday, 25 October 2017

Bertie Smalls

The process by which the Gandermonium editorial board decides whose turn it is to trot this old pony out for your delectation is a well guarded state secret. Well, it was, until I decided that the time has come to lift the lid and shine a light into the more murky corners of our already shadowy world.

Sunday, 22 October 2017

Cheese Eating Surrender Monkey Hangers

So the boys are back on the road once again and this time it's only the matter of a simple 530 mile round trip. For Saturday saw Sutton make the journey to the second most Northerly team in the division to take on another one of those bloody ex-league clubs. For the first time ever, we were due to play against Hartlepool, who are famous for something I believe...

Monday, 16 October 2017

No Midsomer, No Murder

The FA Cup. The world's oldest footballing competition and until last year, something we'd began to fall out of love with a little. Then, like the rest of the country, we decided to go all 'retro' & relive the 80's. In our case that involved going a bit mental knocking out 3 FL sides on the way to making the 5th Round, playing Arsenal at GGL and winding up swimming in so much cash even Scrooge McDuck was asking to pop round and use our pool.

Sunday, 8 October 2017

The Not So Great Trowbridge Debate

Sorry sports fans it is I, the Duke, here once again. Not wanting to wear out our beloved Chairman Totts of the People's Republic of West Sutton, I'm back in the driving seat once again. And for this game it was the first ever visit to the KCS GGL for Kirkham & Wesham, sorry AFC Fylde, one of the youngest teams in this division.

Wednesday, 4 October 2017

Spoons Carpet

"Sutton for good mutton, Cheam for juicy beef....
"Croydon for a pretty girl and Mitcham for a thief."

I love a bit of local history me and this playground rhyme is thought to date back to the 1800's when our beloved Gander Green Lane was just that, a farm track populated mainly by geese and livestock. A bit like Eastleigh's fucking pitch is now but don't get me started on that shit show or I will have reeled off two thousand words of pure bile before I even mention tonight's opponents. 

Sunday, 1 October 2017

Made from Whales

Being top of the league has been a bit of a fool's errand recently with teams failing to remain at the summit for longer than the following game. Compare that to two years ago and you had just three teams at the top all season. Sutton were no exception as every time we had risen to the pinnacle of the non-league pyramid, we'd go down to a dis-heartening defeat the very next game. So, was our little trip to the Wales another defeat in the making? Well read on obviously, if you can read that is. If not, just look at the pictures...

Tuesday, 26 September 2017

Summit's Up. Again.

Never let it be said that we here at Gandermonium are not a sympathetic, caring bunch. Despite Robbo being in the chair for this one, he's come down somewhat poorly this week (I'm reliably informed it's not alcohol related either, so that's our reputation as non-league pissheads further down the kharzi) so we've rallied round, swung into action and called in a late sub. Me. Mainly 'cos no one else would bloody do it, the bastards. So yeah. Taz to the rescue! Or something. And get well soon Mr Robinson, we hope to see you back in the bar at GGL forthwith. Mainly because you owe me a fucking pint for this...

Sunday, 17 September 2017

All Mod Cons

"I know i come from Woking, and you say I'm a fraud. but my hearts in the City where it belongs..."

Can't possibly start off a blog about Woking without quoting its most famous son, yep, the Weller Fella, the old Modfather himself, a man worshipped by our own desert boot fetishist and turnstile spinner Marky N and many of my old mates from back in the day. And good luck to em.  He made some of the most vital music at a time when we were spoiled for choice and he's still ripping up the floorboards today. The Style Council video for Solid Bond filmed at Woking FC is a classic.  Check it out kids.

Wednesday, 13 September 2017

Dirty, Mossy Cobbles

Seven years ago yesterday (Monday), Sutton United FC were getting dumped out of the FA Cup by the less than mighty Alton Towers, with the winner being scored by the bloke who managed the queues on the Nemesis or something. Still, if you'll pardon the pun, what a ride it's been since then eh? If you'd told us after that match the stuff about two Championships, a 5th Round appearance and topping the National League, all in front of crowds above 2000 people, we'd have laughed in your stupid face. Then mocked you some more and finally ponced a quid off you for the jukebox to make up for your deranged nonsense. If we had a jukebox back then that is. Which we didn't.

Monday, 11 September 2017

Sadly Sober Saturday

Thank you Mr Duke for your kind handover and there was me fretting about what nonsense you would write by way of introduction.  Your words though squire are very kind! Thankfully there is no need for an international break in Non-League football, and may I add international football really is the pits, well all except for Panini sticker books. They're alright. 

Sunday, 3 September 2017

Who Needs Tarpey?

So what is up with this season then? Have the footballing Gods decided to completely reverse our form from last season? Let us not forget, we only won two games away from home all of last year and we've already eclipsed that by the end of August. But it does seem that at home we're struggling to break down sides that are set up in a certain way.

Wednesday, 30 August 2017

A Brief Abdication

August has been a busy old month. 7 games to squeeze in and with a few in the treatment room when the season kicked off it looked like we'd be having a tough time of it. How wrong we were. The lads available dug in, grafted their bollocks off, reattached them, then grafted them off once more and instead we go to Bromley on the Bank Holiday Monday with a scarcely believable 12 points from 15 and as many away wins as last season already.

Monday, 28 August 2017

Getting Goosed by the Maid

Well that lasted long didn't it? Our stay at the summit of non-league football is already over, but as it's the Bank Holiday Weekend we might be actually be top again by the time you read this on Monday. so this will probably make no sense at all.

Sunday, 20 August 2017

The Table Doesn't Lie

Gordon Bartlett Bennett, we've only gone and bloody done it haven't we? Top of the league, best of the best, the crème de la crème, the tutti frutti, the Gino Ginelli. And before we get too carried away with foreign sounding words, let's just stop and relax for moment. So take a pew, stick a Pacer in your gob, open up a bottle of Blue Nun (or a Party Seven) and read on...

Thursday, 17 August 2017

Knock Three (dozen!) Times...

Strange how things pan out innit? Last season we met Macclesfield at much the same point in the season. We'd had an ok start and a decent 2-0 win left us sat in the positively vertigo inducing 3rd place. Optimism was high! Then we went to Chester and had our pants royally pulled down in a defeat so rude, it really should have got all their lot on some sort of register. So, following this midweek clash with Macc? Chester away. Oh. Best hope we draw tonight then...

Wednesday, 16 August 2017

Lucy in the Sky with Dundo

Last season after the Southport game, we spent a very agreeable hour back in Liverpool having a pint before heading home. With the sights and sounds witnessed that evening convincing us that the land of the Scouse was well worth investigating further. But then we went and got all FA Cuppy meaning the Saturday up in Tranmere got binned and ended up as a midweeker instead.

Wednesday, 9 August 2017

Big Mountain

Ah yes, Eastleigh. The little club outside Southampton that are not only former Hampshire Midweek Floodlit Cup winners but a bloody place that we have never won under Our Lord Dos. You would have to go back to a Ross Montague double nearly ten years ago for the last (and only!) time we got 3 points here. And that was in our "shit year". Although saying that, we had a better away record that season than last year mind you.

Monday, 7 August 2017

The Super Tennent's - Football Abroad

Picture this (if you can), there I was, inside a Kentucky Beef restaurant, Joe Pesci is standing in the corner singing his 1998 non-hit "Wiseguys", Alec Stewart is regaling to me of the time he scored a century, in his century and on the Queen Mother's century. And I'm not too sure if it was Jason Lee or Regi Blinker that was doing a rather good mime impression. This goes on for a while when all of a sudden I hear a loud rumble and then a bright white light fills the air...

Sunday, 6 August 2017

Non-League Stinks of Piss...

Orient. Now then, here's a thing. One of the worst Saturday afternoons of my life was spent on a trip out to the old Brisbane Road sometime around 1980 to see them play Brentford.

"What the fuck were you doing heading all the way to Leyton to watch some poxy lower-league fixture with Brentford for?", I hear you exclaim incredulously. And the truthful answer in that is I have not got a fucking clue.

Friday, 4 August 2017

A Highland Fling - Football Abroad

As you may know, we occasionally like to take ourselves out of our footballing comfort zone and parachute ourselves into more exotic surroundings in which to witness the beautiful game. We usually prefer somewhere where we don't speak the lingo, the beer is cheap, the food is strange and the money looks like we printed it at home. So, of course, this time round, we're off up to Scotland!

No, you fuck off.

Wednesday, 2 August 2017

Uncle Keith

We all remember the first ever football match we attended including who it was to see, who was the opposition, the date and who you went with – we’ve all been there.  Today I decided it was my nine month old niece, Emily’s first game to be at Sutton United.  My own personal first game was with my Dad, Uncle Kevin and cousin George. Chelsea vs Sheffield Wednesday on 28 December 1996 ending in a 2-2 draw.

Monday, 31 July 2017

Normal For Norfolk

I've no idea what's supposed to be so funny about Norwich but it seems to generate all kinds of unexplained hilarity in certain comedy quarters.  If they want to pedestrianise their City Centre that's their fucking business and it happens to be one of those rare subjects on which I have no opinion to offer whatsoever.

Sunday, 23 July 2017

0239 265 4321. Hello Aqua!

We're now half way through the pre-season calendar and let's face it, I doubt very much it will be that memorable. Three games down, we've seen three goals, all in the last ten minutes. Shots have been at a premium and any vague entertainment is soon forgotten. So would a trip to Portsmouth be any different I wonder?

Thursday, 20 July 2017

Dart Bored

So, to friendly number three. And so far, it could be said the pre-season campaign has not gone entirely well. Certainly from a spectating perspective anyway. Two 1-0 defeats, with shots on goal from either side being at a premium and a steadily mounting injury list to keep Bobby & Cat busy. Still, we're not the sort of people to let such hardships deflect us from the duty at hand, that of blathering on about shit pointless fixtures in July. We're made of sterner stuff. And you're very welcome.

Sunday, 16 July 2017

The Walter Pigeon Club

Can you believe that this was going to be the tenth time that we have entertained the boys from Hemel? Oh yes my children, it was just a mere three and a half years ago that we arrived in Hertfordshire for an FA Cup tie that was to be the first time that our two teams had actually met. And now it seems like that we can't get away from them, even after getting promoted.

Monday, 10 July 2017

Blue Skies

So, it's (unusually) sunny out, the humid UK summer air echoes to the crack of leather on willow and some lasses grunting their way through a tough point at Wimbledon. Which can only mean one thing, that it's time to put down your tennis bats and your crickety sticks and get your moulded's out. We're back. It's time for the football season to start!

Friday, 30 June 2017

Gandermonium Film Review - 'Goal!'

Can you believe I'm actually doing another film review for this bleedin' blog? Well I say 'doing' as most of this was actually written back in the old Conf South days. Now some might say that this is a sign that the boredom of life without Sutton is starting to kick in, but I'll say to those people, that in fact, I was doing really important things that can only be seen as trying to improve society as we know it. Like attempting to find out how the classic Japanese game show, "Hand Job Karaoke", benefits us all. However, that one could take a serious amount of research...

Thursday, 25 May 2017

2016/2017 Season Review - Part 3

So. as the season enters its final third we're finally able to relax and enjoy the run in with Conference safety assured. Like bollocks we can! We're in the last 16 of the FA Cup and have Arsenal at home, we still need points to be sure of National League football next season and Totts song is still doing the rounds! It's like a fucking madhouse round here. So, dive in dear reader and enjoy the drama and the chaos that was February to April in the last part of this Gandermonium Season Review...

Tuesday, 23 May 2017

Cold Turkey

Oh come on, you know us. We might give it all the "Thank fuck that's over" and talk about putting our feet up as soon as the season ends, but when you finish mid-table like us this year, there's always loads of post-season malarkey going on to tempt you into just going to one more game. Just one more. A bit like Mr Creosote and that one tiny little 'wahfuh theen meent'. Can't hurt.

Then we'll definitely put our feet up. Honest.

Saturday, 20 May 2017

2016/2017 Season Review - Part 2

In Part 1, we got our first Conference Season underway in 16 years, were briefly the 95th best team in England, got the impression we were largely going to be getting sod all away from home and also knocked the best team in the draw out of the FA Cup. So, not at all bad really. Now, it gets a bit wordy from here on in. so we'd suggest a cuppa and at least 2 digestives for this part.

To Dartford. And the FA Cup!

Friday, 12 May 2017

2016/2017 Season Review - Part 1

So here we are again. Another year, another season. Done. And whilst that means time for most of you to book a week somewhere sunny and the lads to go off and let their hair down, eating shit food and doing too many Jagerbombs, for us here at Gandermonium there's still work to be done. Mainly summarising all the shit we just watched for 9 months.

So, get a Jager down you, suck up that kebab and get your feet up as we relive our first season back at National Level for 16 years. Shouldn't take long, it's not like much happened after all....

Monday, 1 May 2017

Eh Up! Let's Sup!

Aaaand we are done. Finished. Complete. Concluded. Finito. This is now officially an ex-season. Deceased. Gawn to meet it's maker. It it not merely resting, but pushing up daisies. And what a funny old 9 months it's been to get here.

Sunday, 23 April 2017

Hairy Chesters

Don't worry, we're nearly there now. It won't be long before we can all take a break from the ups and downs of yet another Sutton United season and just turn our heads to other pursuits. I don't know, something like watching cricket? Or maybe taking the wife to B&Q on a Saturday? Or even reorganise your DVD collection based on the studio that released it instead of a highly complicated system that is so complex, to even explain it in this blog would be fruitless. But I'll try anyway. I call it "Alphabetical".

Tuesday, 18 April 2017

Dagenham Royal Swagger

Dagenham. Away. Easter bank holiday Monday. A clear sign that the long season is starting to wind its way to a conclusion. With this being my final report for Gandermonium before the summer break I decided to have a bit of a run up to it and posted up a daily Dagenham-related song on the old twitter feed across the bank holiday weekend.

Sunday, 16 April 2017

Three Blows to the Heed

As we arrive at the traditional Easter weekend double-header, I'm still rather surprised to realise that this year's campaign is very nearly over. I mean, it seemed to be going on and on at one point. But with Chocolate Egg weekend being a little late this year, we only have four games remaining. Four bloody more games of no importance to anyone as we're in no danger of a play off spot or relegation. Oh wait...

Wednesday, 12 April 2017

The One and Only...

The title is quite relevant to I – as in I like the Chesney Hawkes’ song (which many of you readers will be aware as I have put this on the jukebox, often!).  But no, it could also mean that I am the one and only fighting “demons” and have been for the last year over so many different things, but I am man enough to admit it – it is not!  No, the title means that yours truly has season ticket number one, again, for the 2017/2018 season just like I had for this one.

Wednesday, 5 April 2017

Right in the Birkenheads

So, having failed to catch our train to Switzerland on Saturday by falling to another away defeat to a rather mediocre Woking side, we instead had the simple task of travelling all the way to Liverpool to face Tranmere to bag those 3 points which would all but confirm National League football next season.

Monday, 3 April 2017

Von Ryan's Express

If you were to use a popular internet search engine and enter the phrase 'Painfully long and unnecessarily drawn out processes', next to results like the refurbishment of London Bridge station and Belly deciding what fucking pint to have when stood at the bar you'd most likely find 'Sutton United's attempts to confirm further National League membership 2016/17' as one of the top results.

Wednesday, 29 March 2017

Deacon's Thunderbolt

So with a mere eight games to go in what will no doubt be a semi-memorable season (I doubt Dover at home will be forgotten for a while that's for sure!), it was the turn of possible league champions Lincoln to visit the old Borough Sports Ground. And after the near demolition of North Ferriby on Saturday, we had every right to feel that this might not be a hammering we once thought it might be.

Sunday, 26 March 2017

Plenty Of Fish

Sometimes, things don't quite pan out how you plan them. Take for instance just this very Tuesday where I'd aimed to head down for the mega 6 pointer with fellow Conf South promotee's from Kent who aren't Ebbsfleet. So well planned was my planning, that I had even 3 paragraphs of bollocks and pre-amble all written before the game.

Thursday, 23 March 2017

The No Smoking Loza

So we're back at the Gallagher once again. Last time round it was a midweek contest that had second place Maidstone try and ultimately fail in stopping our charge towards the Conference South title. This time round it's a little different. 18th vs 19th. Still, at least we both ended up going up at the expense of Gravesend Ebbsfleet,

Sunday, 19 March 2017

7 Balls & a Beaver

How's your luck, eh? Not for the first time this season (and probably not the last), our performance away from home doesn't reflect in the result. And in a results-driven business these days, that's all that matters. So with eleven games to go, Sutton were still a little short of the safety mark. Would a trip to Hampshire change all that? Well read on...

Wednesday, 15 March 2017

Woodbines & Offal

It would be fair to say that my old man never really understood vegetarianism. He was an advocate of the old-school principle that everything from an animal’s arsehole to its snout was all fit for the pot. There used to be a stall in the long-lost , and long-lamented,  Sutton Indoor Market where you could get offal of every description. Trays of assorted guts would be lined up wobbling and shimmering under the strip lights.

Tuesday, 14 March 2017

Making Hard York of Things

So here we are. FA Cup Quarter Final day! 90 minutes from the Semi-Finals and a game at Wembley. Unfortunately, it's got absolutely bugger all to do with us given Mr Wenger's lot unfairly nudged us out by scoring more goals than us a couple of weeks back. And since then, we've instead been slogging it out on the road with trips to each end of the country to the likes of Torquay & Barrow.

Tuesday, 7 March 2017

I Left my Guts to Barrow

Do you know that I was beginning to believe that Sutton's consecutive run in the GM Vauxhall National Conference without a clean sheet was going to go the distance. It seemed that I'd be telling my mini-dukes of the great heroics of when Sutton beat Gateshead 9-0 back in September 1990. And how it was the last time we'd stopped the oppo from scoring away from home.

Thursday, 2 March 2017

Isn’t it good, no its BOREham Wood!

The title for this blog is inspired by The Beatles’ “Norwegian Wood” for those who are of an outstanding musical intellect like me!  So let’s begin by getting the past events out of the way. It was only a week ago that we had hosted Arsenal, yes that’s Arsenal Football Club in the Fifth Round of the FA Cup.

Sunday, 26 February 2017

Double Tourque

Well thank fuck the media circus has finally fucked off and left town. Now it's time to get back to some sort of perceived normality. Especially considering that we seem to have slipped down the table somewhat a little bit of late. And what better way than to celebrate our return to boring old league action, but with a wealth of typically Gandermonium-mentality dick jokes!

Thursday, 23 February 2017

The Wengerbus Is Coming!

After the glamour and non-stop length of the M1 excitement that was Guiseley away we thought we'd put our feet up this weekend, have a quiet one and play someone a bit more low key than a little town a few miles north of Leeds. Y'know. Someone like, I dunno, Premier League Arsenal?

Friday, 17 February 2017

Indecent Proposal?

This is something a little unusual for us. An attempt at being serious. It's not a practice we're particularly big on if we're honest. However, sometimes you just have to take a deep breath and be adult for a change I suppose. So here goes...

Thursday, 16 February 2017

Emmerdale Farm

It's half seven on a Sunday morning, and one of my phones goes off. Before I know it, the low tones of the Red Army Choir are filling the room. "Why did I set my alarm?" I begin to think to myself as I shuffle off to point Percy at the porcelain. Suddenly a top secret WhatsApp message comes through from Southampton Steve. "Running late, pick you up at 0845hrs".

Monday, 13 February 2017

There's Always an Alan

Have you ever heard the phrase: "If I didn't laugh, I would cry". Well, if you hadn't, you have now. Yes readers I'm laughing. So much so, that I'm about to start having a coughing fit. So, I hear you ask, why are you laughing? Or am I actually crying? Or more than likely, you're thinking what the fuck am I going on about.

Thursday, 9 February 2017

Not Cheap, Not Cheerful

When a small outfit like ours finds itself in the spotlight, it's easy to get carried away with things and start living it large like them there big Premier League charlies. And why not, you're in the papers all the time and on the telly every 5 minutes. So you can very easily get all Dom Perignon and Suites at the Ritz when the old can of Tennents and a single room overlooking the bins at Croydon Premier Inn are more our sort of style.

Sunday, 5 February 2017

Eye of the Storm

After the madness that was last weekend, we now enter the eye of this FA Cup storm and the chance to enjoy a period of relative calmness to catch out breath & take stock of what the hell has happened over the last couple of weeks before we once more have to batten down the hatches and find ourselves buffeted by forces we don't fully understand nor can fully control. That or it could be like that bit in the movie 'The Day after Tomorrow' where everyone freezes to death instantly. Metaphorically speaking of course....

Tuesday, 31 January 2017

Marching On Together

Wow. Just bloody wow! Even after over 24 hours, we are all still in shock. Sutton bloody United are in the 5th Round of the bleedin' FA Cup. The last 16! Get in there! I still can't believe it. I really did think that beating AFC "look at me" Wimbledon in the 3rd Round replay was going to be the highlight of the season. Wrong again.

Thursday, 26 January 2017

With a Rebel Yell...

With all the furore about the FA Cup this month, it's probably no surprise that its poor little old Non-League cousin the FA Trophy has been a touch bit in the shadows. With first the Wombles replay looming 72hrs after the tricky trip to Worthing and now the tiny weeny matter of a sell out 4th Rounder at home to Leeds loiters on the horizon.

Wednesday, 25 January 2017

Stearn Return

As good old Mr AB would say “what a time it is to be a Sutton United fan” how right you are sir! So to recap the week’s events, Tuesday night saw history being witnessed as we knocked out AFC Wimbledon in the replay and even they could not blame the pitch this time.

Wednesday, 18 January 2017

What's the Story, Tobermory?

Never been a fan of the Wombles, and truth be told never likely to be. Snouty-nosed fuckers scabbing off the jobs of street cleaners and bin-men.  Getting themselves all busy in shit that doesn’t concern them. You can keep em mate.

Monday, 16 January 2017

I Like Worthing Out

And we're back on the cup trail once again! This time it's the turn of the Amateur Cup FA Trophy to take a spin as we head into the second round with a fixture against Worthing. I doubt very much it'll be the same sort of affair as Curzon Ashton a mere twelve months ago. You know, ending up in Sutton O'Neill's with three of the opposition supporters, drinking one of them into a near coma. But then again, stranger things have happened within the crazy world that is Gandermonium.

Wednesday, 11 January 2017

Football Braint Fair Sometimes

So we're back on the road again. And this time it's a little trip to the wilds of North Essex to try and prevent the second defeat double of season. The team waiting to make this happen was Braintree no less. Some of us may remember the home fixture back in September when an injury time goal in front of the only sub 1000+ home league crowd gave them their fist away victory of the season.

Monday, 9 January 2017

Lectica Colligendis Rodentia

Hello everyone and welcome to 2017. The year everyone is hoping will be better than the Brexit tainted, Trump electing, famous person killing 12 months that preceeded it. Well, all except us here at HQ that is. Why? Well, because as far as we're concerned, 2016 was a bloody cracker.

Monday, 2 January 2017

Where the Sun Always Shines...

“Did you have a good Christmas?” Seriously, how many time do you get asked that inane question from Boxing Day onwards? The polite, and very British answer, is too say something equally brain-dead like “Yes. Quiet”