Sunday, 23 February 2014

Terminating the Turtles in the Terminus

One day,
Maybe one day.

We here at Gandermonium and in The Firm will get someone to video tape a whole day's exploits on one of our booze cruises. Not just so we can pawn our wares out of a carrier bag or the back of a Ford Cortina like the dodgy diamond geezers were are. Or maybe that we could drag it out every time we want to remember the old days when we're all dribbling drunks in some falling down decrepit NHS nursing home. But simply put it is because we never seem to remember a fuckin' thing!

Friday, 21 February 2014


When you decide to go to a new place abroad, you usually do some sort of research. Is it a shithole? What are the bars & restaurants like? How much is a pint etc etc. And we here at Gandermonium are no different (come on, bar research is VERY important!), so when Juan suggested we slope on over to sunny Serbia later this year for a game, we of course wanted to know what the deal is. Mainly as all we could tell you about the place is the names of several of the 1991 Red Star Belgrade side, that NATO bombed the fuck out of it in the late 90's and they've produced one or two war criminals.

Thursday, 20 February 2014

Ferry Nice!

Eh? Whassat? We're playing games again? Godammit! Just as we're getting used to doing other stuff with our unexpected time off recently, we're now having to put all those interesting grown up things to one side again until May and go back to watching Non-League football and getting boozed. 

Oh if we really must....

Tuesday, 18 February 2014

The youth of today

...are the future of tomorrow!

It’s been a while since I’ve scribbled down some notes about a game of football, and all the other shenanigans that go with it, well mainly drunk stories to be honest.  I thought it best to pull my finger out, and get myself back on here, and put together some kind of input! Let’s be honest Dukey looks as though he may be starting to lose weight from all the typing he’s been doing of late. HA!

Sunday, 16 February 2014

I'll Never Forget Whats'ername

Can't believe it, we actually have a game!  I like most people thought that once again thanks to the weather we would not be seeing the boys at home again until March. But lo and behold we've managed to appease the weather gods for at least five minutes and get some respite. So with the posh people skiing in France and the poor people getting battered by the wind and the rain the visitors for today's clash of the titans were Weston-Super-Mare.

Sunday, 9 February 2014

One Robbie Pe-thick - One from the Archives

With the now customary shit wet winter weather once more cleaving it's way through the non-league programme, it means another journey back in time for us here at Gandermonium and an archive report to help fill the gap. Still, it's not all bad after Totts bit on the Ressies and 3G from yesterday.

So we fire up the Gandemonium time machine, a 1983 Datsun Cherry (have you seen how much Delorean's cost?), race to 28mph (much better on juice than getting to 88) to blast back to January 2005 and a weekender in sunny Portsmouth.

Saturday, 8 February 2014

Fred Gee Pitches In

Once more, mother nature has decided that we are not able to witness 22 semi-pro footballers stumbling about on a bit of wet grass, with the seemingly never ending deluge meaning our trip to Bromley was wiped out this morning by what could only be described as 'a fuckload' of overnight rain. Shame really, as 1st v 4th was looking like it could be a tasty clash and with a decent crowd to boot.

So, somewhat in need of some content that isn't Taz's ancient tat from the old Gandermonium site (don't worry, you'll be getting some of that as well later!) we sent Totts, our newest member of the team, down to check out the Ressies at Tooting, being played on that there new fangled 3G stuff. Mainly as it would give him a break from making the tea round here at HQ and also because none of the rest of us could be arsed. I mean, have you seen the bloody weather lately??

Wednesday, 5 February 2014


Who would've thought that coming into February that we would only manage to play two games since the end of last year. Well that fellas is a "statement of fact" and for a match that was supposed to be played back a mere seventeen weeks (four months like) ago, our trip tonight is going to be on the south coast against Gosport Borough.

Back around last season when we at the Firm had been informed that Gosport we coming up to the Conference South, the hope was that it was going to be a nice bank holiday weekend trip with a little drunken ferrying involved. Unfortunately the powers that be at Conference HQ had conspired to give us a midweek trip no matter what, and the chance to see how many drinks we could consume on the ferry has already set sailed for this season.

Sunday, 2 February 2014

Magpie Malarkey - One from the Archives

Rain, blah blah, match postponed, blah blah, wish we'd played more games September\October time blah blah, 3G pitches aren't the future yadda yadda, fixture pile ups bollocks bollocks.

Yes ladies & gents, it's winter time here in the United Kingdom and everywhere people in the world of Non-League football are looking to the sky and wondering "When the fuck will it stop raining?" closely followed by "Isn't playing three times a week in semi-pro football FUN?".

So, with shit weather the order of the day, it's time for some more archive fun. And to help alleviate the mass onslaught of Seasonal Affective Disorder, we're off to the seaside in September 2004 for a trip to Dorchester.