We Wuz Robbed. Literally!


Att: N/A

CHESHAM UNITED – 2 [Kandol 35.37]


Match Abandoned @ HT due to Dressing Room Break In!

Just how do you describe this one?

A relatively mundane Bryco cup tie turned out to be anything but mundane last night at Chesham, with the match abandoned during the half-time break when the U’s and the officials returned to their changing rooms to discover all their stuff had been nicked!

How many times have you read my scribblings claim that “We wuz robbed!”? Well, possibly for the first time ever, one of my match reports contains at least one 100% glaringly accurate piece of information.

During what was a fairly fast paced, very watchable, yet appalingly refereed 1st half, some thieving cunts were busy lifting our lads gear and so we’re told, also breaking into several cars in the car park.

The ref’s car was apparently one of these. But that’s by the by, it just saved me doing it later!

(Disclaimer : The last comment was an attempt at humour ok! We try it every so often round here……)

The theft left the U’s squad mainly standing around in little more than the kit they’d just played out the first 45 minutes in and a pair of trainers. If they were lucky.

Fucking tossers. I hope if the local plod catch up with these lowlife pricks, they try to ‘resist’ arrest a little bit. Maybe ‘fall’ down a flight of stairs whilst being chased. If you catch my drift. It’s the least they deserve.

Well, I suppose I better run through the half of footy we did actually see…

Having met Bob in Marylebone, we finally strolled through the turnstiles at about 7.42pm. The only change we could make out to our team was the return of Corbett to midfield and Nick Bailey being pushed up front with Matt Fowler with Watson absent.

Sutton start very brightly and pretty much dominate the first 20 minutes. They have the ball in the net after just 2 minutes when a Danny Bolt shot is fumbled by the home ‘keeper and with both Bailey and Fowler lurking, it’s Fowler who reacts quickest to poke the ball into the net. But, the linesman has decided there’s an offside and the effort is disallowed. Hmmm, almost certainly another arse decision from a lino there.

This doesn’t deter the U’s and they keep pressing, with Bailey revelling in his new role up front. His pace, tenacity and ability to actually tackle cause the home defence no end of problems. His good first touch also helps and twice he forces saves from the ‘keeper with well hit efforts. The home side meanwhile are taking a while to get their eye in when it comse to tackling. Most of their early efforts ending up in free-kicks. The worst culprit being their no6, who makes 3 very dodgy tackles in midfield, all late and from behind. Of course, no yellow card.

Bailey is then clearly taken out on the byeline inside the 6 yard box, yet despite a very audible sound of boot connecting with shinpad rather than ball, the ref decides a penalty is not necessary. Arsehole.

It’s about this time that a car alarm can be heard from behind the stand. Alison voices her concern as it sounds just like the one on her motor. Little do we know, it’s at this point some swivel eyed, oily little toerags are lifting our team’s gear.

Back to the game, Bolt stings the hand of the Chesham ‘keeper with one of his 30 yard efforts and both Fowler and Bailey go close.

Then Chesham manage an attack where a weak shot deflects off a defender, decieves Pape and appears to be bobbling in when Gonsalves hacks clear. This lifts our hosts and they begin to play a bit more, aided by some quite staggering non-decisions by the ref.

They have another effort at the back post well shut out by Brooker after a mistake by Hollands lets the home side in. But after 35 minutes, a corner from the U’s right picks out the unmarked Kandol and his downward header goes between a rooted Pape and a defender on the line.

Our mutterings of wondering how the fuck we’re 1-0 down soon change to mutterings wondering how the fuck we’re 2-0 down, when 2 minutes later, Ryan Palmer has a bit of a brainstorm, dithers over a pass and is robbed (no pun intended!) of the ball by the alert kandol. The Chesham striker legs it 20 yards and from the edge of the box finishes neatly to Pape’s left. Oh bugger.

The U’s come back at their hosts and have 2 good penalty shouts turned down when Fowler is poleaxed just inside the 18 yard box when going for a header and Danny Bolt is rather clumsily upended when trying to reach a wayward ball that Nick Bailey has just cut back from the bye line. The latter is even more laughable for the award of a free-kick AGAINST the U’s midfielder.

The no6 then confirms that, if he wanted to, he could probably lauch a machete attack on a U’s player and be unlucky to get a talking to from the ref, when he runs 15 yards to manhandle Paul Honey, who has just been TWICE denied taking a quick free-kick by Chesham players not retreating 10 yards.

Jesus wept.

Shortly after, muttering about incompetent officials and our erratic defending, we wander round to the tea bar for a half time cuppa. After a few minutes, we’re approached by Mr Frake, our senior steward at GGL, and informed that the changing rooms have been ‘done over’. A couple of minutes later, the tannoy announces the abandonment due to ‘Unforseen circumstances’.

We mill about a bit, not sure what to do next, but then decide there isn’t a great deal we can do and we head off to Amersham in Gareth’s flash new motor for a quick pint. Then back to the Hood for a quick beer before closing.

If you ask me, you can take the Bryco Cup and stick it up your arse.

MAN OF THE MATCH : Nick Bailey. Once again.

ENTERTAINMENT : 7. Not a bad game until things went tits up…….

TEAM : Pape, Brooker, Palmer, Gonsalves, Gray, Hollands, Honey, Corbett, Bolt, Bailey, Fowler

SUBS : No Idea!

THE REFEREE’S A………Useless, spineless twat. At least 2 very good shouts for penalties ignored and some of the worst ‘tackling’ I’ve seen in ages not getting so much as a stern wag of the finger from the man in the middle. Linesman? Well, the one at our end was a bit non-existant. Apart from when we were putting the ball in the net when he naturally woke up & flagged for offside….

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