RYMAN LEAGUE CUP 1st ROUND
CORINTHIAN CASUALS – 1 [Watney 70]
SUTTON UNITED – 0
Another word you could use would be “Shite”. Most likely preceded by “A complete load of fucking gutless…”
What could be better to boost the flagging confidence of your currently underachieving footy team than a mickey mouse cup match against a team from 2 divisions below you? Turn up, play a bit of footy, knock in a few goals and go home. Well, you’d sodding well think so anyway. Remember the Croydon Surrey cup match from last season?? We certainly bloody do
Bob & I are once more the only people from the drunkards’ stupid enough to travel to this game. Chalmers is still convalescing from his recent brief hospitalisation and Col was working. Lucky bastards. A quick half in the Prince of Wales in Wimbledon and we’re off for the train. Sadly it’s delayed by 10 minutes, meaning we won’t hit Tolworth until almost half 7. Which is when the game kicks off. Fantastic.
Thanks South West Trains, you useless tossers.
So we amble into Corinthian Casuals ground 10 minutes after kick off. We haven’t missed much apparently. Now there’s a surprise. The side is the same as the one turned out at Gravesend at the weekend. The only changes being Tommy Dunne in goal instead of Howells and Scotty Forrester returns from his 7 match ban up front with Nartey. Happily we’re back to 4-4-2. JR obviously thinks that our Ryman 3rd Div opponents don’t require the precaution of a 5 man defence. Wrong again manager bloke.
What follows is 35 minutes of pointless, ineffective crap from the U’s. Once more the only player looking remotely like producing something (anything!) is Danny Bolt. As he delivers several decent crosses into the box, only to find no bugger there or the Casuals defence being anything but. Despite defending extremely well against our poor attacks, the home side don’t threaten much themselves in front of goal.
That changes with about 25 minutes gone when the back 4 goes walkies and the Casuals No9 races through. Fortunately for us his angled shot beats Dunne but also the far post. Phew, that was a close one. Notice of the crap to come is served shortly after when the EXACT same thing happens. Home striker races through only to shoot wide of the far post. We haven’t even managed a shot on goal yet.
The second half is worse than the first. Casuals are understandably growing in confidence whilst we can’t even seem to tell the difference between their Choc n Pink quarters and our green & white shirts, judging by the amount of passes that find the oppo rather than our players. Dave Harlow meanwhile is losing his umpteenth midfield battle of the season. To see him floundering against players 2 levels below his own is pathetic. I’ve given up trying to work out quite what JR is playing at continually picking our less than impressive skipper.
15 minutes in and Casuals almost take the lead. Poor defending from a corner allows a big defender to rise and head the ball past Dunne at the back post. Luckily, a defender is there to hack the ball off the line. It’s only a matter of time it seems. Our own forays forward are dying a death, with their big No4 simply heading away our pathetic hoofs forwards and the odd cross that Bolt or Westcott manage to get into the area. Matters get even worse with about 20 to play. Ryan Palmer tussles with a home midfielder and decides to twat him in the face with his elbow. A red card and we see our best defender disappearing down the tunnel for the next 3 games. This boosts the home team even more and they start really pushing for a winner. They get their reward with about 10 minutes to go. More shit defending and a poor clearance falls to a Casuals player just inside the box who hammers the ball past the helpless Dunne. Oooooh fuck, that’s torn it.
Nartey is replaced by Ekoku but it does no good. Bolt manages our first shot on target late on with a swerving drive from about 25 yards but the keeper holds onto it. The ref turns down a very strong shout for a penalty when the No4 appears to block a Westcott cross with his hand, but to be frank, we don’t deserve it. And that’s it. That’s the sum of our efforts tonight and after 5 minutes of injury time, the ref blows his whistle to signal probably our most embarrassing defeat since Yeading in the FA Cup back in 1986.
Frankly, to lose to a side like Casuals with 95% of yer first team playing is bollocks. To be outplayed and outfought in that situation is unforgiveable bollocks. In case you’d forgotten, our hosts are an AMATEUR side. In other words, they don’t get paid for playing. Unlike certain individuals who seem to think doing fuck all is enough to claim their £200+ match fee. Even the ‘suits’ are mumbling discontentedly as we head for the exit. Oh dear, I sense trouble! This isn’t to take anything away from our opponents, who played well and defended against our feeble attacks comfortably (No change there then).
If he’s unable to motivate or organise a side HE assembled, then something is very very wrong. The clock is a tickin’ JR, get it fucking sorted. And soon.
And obviously after ANOTHER embarrasing cup exit at the hands of our glorious leader, we’re well up for our visit to either Littlehampton or Greenwich Boro in the FA Cup in a couple of weeks.
MAN OF THE MATCH : Danny Bolt. If I really had to pick one.
ENTERTAINMENT : 2. 3rd rate, 2 bit garbage. Complete bollocks
TEAM : Dunn, Palmer, Walker, Gray, Hammonds, Harlow, Williams, Bolt, Westcott, Nartey, Forrester SUBS : Ekoku, Thompson, Berry