Howdy folks. Enjoying the summer? Good good. So why are we here, being annoying out of season you ask? Well, we got some unfinished business to take care of. Very very unfinished as it happens. As back in May 2025, we were privileged to receive a release copy of a new book from it’s author. Yeah, we’re connected. What of it? Ok, sure the book was written by Johnnie from the Sutton Yoof, who we know quite well and not only that was his third release overall. And the reason he sent us a copy is not because he likes us, oh no. It’s because he wanted us to knock up a little review for him to help publicise it. Still, who are we to complain. Free is free right?
Unfortunately, thanks to a less than stellar end to the season, we gave football absolute bollocks the moment the final whilstle went at the last game and never looked back. So this has sat sorta 80% done ever since. So it’s probably about time we held up our end of the ‘free book’ bargain. Now it’s an absolute age since we did a book write up on here (2019 in fact!), coincidentally, the last effort was also from one of Mr Lowery’s efforts, his debut no less called ‘Six Added Minutes’ that covered the U’s famous 2016\17 FA Cup run that culminated with Wenger and Co cluttering up GGL’s magic carcinogen carpet in the 5th round live on the BBC. You can see what we had to say about that on these HERE pages. After following this up with ‘Match Fit’ a more serious look into Mental health in the game, a book that got him shortlisted for the 2024 Charles Tyrwhitt Sports Book Awards no less (at least that’s what it says HERE and as we all know if it’s on the internet it must be true), he’s back on the Non-League trail to Wembley with his latest tome, ‘Amateur Hour’.
Now ordinarily that’s not really something we’d bother with. Let’s be honest, the ‘Road to Wembley’ trope for all the three main FA Cup competitions has been done to death over the years and in pretty much every manner possible. But despite this, our tale is a little unusual as it comes from the Covid afflicted 2020\21 season, when the world stopped in its tracks, where fans were mostly locked out of games and where we of course got to witness the greatest season in Sutton United history and our promotion to the Football League mostly watching mostly alone on poxy internet streams. Naturally, he mostly avoids this subject as, well, writing about watching games on telly is shit (although that didn’t stop us if I’m honest) and instead, he delved into the lower reaches of the Pyramid to follow that season’s FA Vase campaign as best he could with the restrictions imposed, mainly to get a desperate football fix due to those levels not being considered ‘elite’ sport and thus were actually allowing some crowds in for some reason. Christ knows why that made a difference. Oh and remember that? The National League being considered elite sport? Fuck me, Covid really was a proper weird old time and no mistake.
The story starts in September 2020 as the world waits with baited breath for the delayed start to the National League season (which will eventually kick off in October and with us all firmly excluded from attending at all) and somewhat oddly, given that the author’s from dahn sahf and there’s a pandemic thing going on, with a double header up in the North East of England. With face masks, social distancing and track and trace still firmly a thing despite hopes the 21st century plague may finally abate after the first wave of lockdowns, Johnnie’s in the area for family reasons and decides to get his football fix with back to back midweek FA Vase ties at Durham (managed by ex-Celtic man Didier Agathe) and Whitley Bay. Durham get slapped 4-0, with a fire in a garden backing onto the ground getting as much attention as the game and Vase royalty in four times winners Bay get solidly dumped out (4-1) by a side from Newcastle Uni. This one made me chuckle as I could picture our old midweek GGL drinking buddy ‘Bayfox’, a massive Whitley fan, properly screwing about getting turned over by a load of students.
From here, the journey lasts until May 2021 with the traditional final at Wembley and takes in adventures to places suich as Bournemouth (incidentally on the day we’re playing down the road at Weymouth with no one in attendance) where a lairy away side sub cops pelters and is relieved of his club tracksuit top by one of Johnnies mates, Coventry where the author relives some happy & some not so happy Uni memories and gets shouted at by and angry man at the game, Malvern with a hike up a mountain and a 5-5 draw, Hadley (it’s near Barnet) where his attendance is only assured by offering to film the game for the hosts, Portsmouth where no one’s allowed to attend and Warrington. Oh and of course Gander Green Lane, as our old tenants Sutton Common Rovers were on the up at the time. Which is quite the list given there was a pandemic on and we all mostly tend to remember that period as largely sitting indoors on furlough watching the Tiger King and doing fuck all else.
In between the games, the story winds through the life of a young man fresh out of Uni, starting his first job, looking for his own place to live and generally trying not to go doolally whilst mostly being denied the sort of thing young people want to be doing at that point of their lives, which is being out with their mates, living it up and watching shit 5th tier football. I mean, I found it hard, so young’uns effectively giving up 2 years of what should be a prime point of life must have been proper bollocks and no mistake. It’s not all doom and gloom though and there’s the sorts of shenanigans and characters you’d expect from such a journey, just with social distancing and only being able to have a pint if you’re having a meal. Yeah, remember that?
There’s the prank call to Babestation that costs someone 47 quid and that has them calling up their bank in embarrassment to try and get the charge cancelled. A confession of getting laid after singing James Blunt (not listening to, actually singing), discussing being the UK’s Eurovision entry with one of the terrace songs about Kenny Davis’ penis. What do I mean ‘one of’? Well there were fucking three of them after all! I mean, even I muttered “Which fucking one?” when encountering that passage. There’s a pre-match hike up an almost mountain in Malvern in Adidas Spezials and watching the game at Portsmouth through the fence where a lad who’s popped out for a loaf stops to watch and only leaves ages later when his missus bells him up to find out where the hell he’s got to with the Hovis. Of course, there’s a Sutton aspect interwoven here too and not just our crowd-less march to the National League title looming in the background. There’s arranging to film the game at Hadley via Matt Gray’s brother (yes, that Matt Gray!) and the game in Pompey being watched by an old boy who of course used to play for us many a year ago. I mean, who hasn’t at this point?
The peak stupid though is the semi-final at Warrington where with no crowds allowed in and no option to ponce in to film it, the lads unprepared to let the run die there because of a silly thing like legalities actually lug a fucking step ladder with them up on the train and watch the match over the fence. An effort that gains them the admiration of one of the host club’s officials. Back home, I five other wankers from these pages watching a massive U’s win at Maidenhead and Louis John’s goal from the halfway line in Tatey’s extension. Alexa, play ‘Viva Las Vegas’!! More oddities follow with the final only allowing in 1500 fans a side, when the WFA Cup final the week before has 20k. Nope, it made little sense then lads and we’re still none the wiser now. There’s also the small matter of Sutton’s massive title clincher at home to Hartlepool scheduled for the very same day, but the football gods are smiling and he lucks out with that getting shifted to Sunday for BT Sport and thus can complete his journey and, with it, this book. Would have made a bit of a shit ending that eh? “Yeah, fucked off the final. Sutton were making the football league!”.
All in all, it’s an engaging read about a very strange period not only in the UK’s recent history (and there’s plenty to fucking choose from there!), but as a football fan and especially a Sutton supporter. It also gives a slightly off the wall view of football fandom/obsession as well as a well trodden trope of following an FA tournament from start to finish, which ain’t an easy thing to do. It was also personally a strange read as I know what was going on in the background to all this at GGL and how much not getting to witness that would have hurt. And that had covid never made it’s way to these shores from Wuhan and the season still panned out the way it did, I know for a fact Johnnie would have had a very different book indeed to write! Christ, even we’d have gone to print for that one. But it wasn’t to be. And sadly, our Football League tenure lasted less than it took his efforts to get published and we were back in the National by the time the release event was held at a home game at GGL. Shame.
Our thanks of course go to Johnnie* for letting us have a copy of his fine work for nixy poos and apologies for taking so long to get this nonsense out for you mate. You can blame Sutton United for sucking the very life out of us there. And maybe a bit of our own laziness. But mostly Sutton United.
Finally, if you’d like to get yourself a copy (or any one of his other works), support a young author and remind yourself what a daft period 2019-2021 truly was then you should be able to pick them up at this LINK. And if you do, leave the lad a nice review somewhere. Just don’t wait a year to do it, like we did. Ahem.
Right, that’s about as active as we plan to get this summer. Might see you at some point in August.
Might.
Taz
*All pics shamelessly nicked from the author’s twitter feed HERE