CONFERENCE SOUTH
Att : 950
SUTTON UNITED – 1 [OG 43]
BOBBINS – 1 [Nwanze 16]
Before we start, I’d just like to wish all our readers a Happy New Year. And this is despite the fact that not one of you miserable fuckers out there sent us a card for Gandermonium’s 8th birthday recently, let alone get us a cake, buy us a drink or even hold a lavish surprise party.
Selfish bastards. It’s all just take take take with you lot isn’t it? All that work and you just don’t care…..*SOB*
Ahem.
As you can see, we’re not ones to hold a grudge. Oh no. Mainly ‘cos we’re expecting some major attention for the 10th anniversary at Xmas 2007.
Now if we don’t get owt for that, then we’ll really be chucking a major fucking sulk!
Thankfully, todays return with the Bobbins is scheduled for the day after the 1st of Jan. Which is helpful as due to the amount of alcohol consumed on the evening of the 31st and the small hours of the 1st, I doubt most of us would’ve been awake for the 3pm kick-off. Let alone be in any fit state to make it to GGL.
I just hope none of the players in Choc n Amber have followed our example.
Still, after Boxing Day, having 22 pissed players out there could provide the entertainment so woefully lacking from that fixture!
Despite forgetting todays buses are running a sunday timetable, I still manage to make it to the Hood before 2. On arrival I find the oppositions programme editior sat with the crew. But before I can launch into a tirade of anti-Carshalton abuse, the sod has bought me a beer.
No fair!
A couple of snifters later, it’s out into the cold and down the road to the Borough’s premier footballing venue for the second installment of the Xmas derbies. On arrival we notice something strange. There are TV type cameras dotted all over the place. Fucks sake. No bastard films the last 2, yet decides to do this one after the 0-0 at Boxing Day. Just typical!! On the playing side, JR has decided that after saturday’s less than steady performance at Welling, the line-up needs another tweak.
Conroy drops to the bench and Matt Gray regains his customary right sided berth. Douglas is also restored to the starting 11, allowing Akuamouah to move up front with Cornwall and Fear pays for his insipid 45 minutes at Welling, replaced in the centre by Quinton.
Things start slowly for us and the Bobbins have most of the ball in the opening few minutes, but then from not very much at all, we have the first sight of goal. A pass from the centre sends Douglas away on the left, but he seems caught in 2 minds about shooting or passing and in the end, his ball across the face of goal is too far ahead of anyone to cause a problem.
From here, we seem to slip back into the same vein as saturday, with the defence seemingly not too sure of what it’s doing and humping the ball forward every opportunity they get. Naturally, Eddie doesn’t get much change out of his 6ft+ marker.
Very clever lads.
The defence also continues it’s annoying habit of presenting the opposition with as many set pieces as they can around their own box. One such silly free-kick costs us dear after just over a quarter of an hour.
A free-kick is lined up, slightly to our right, around 20-25 yards out from goal. It’s not a great effort and deflects weakly off the far end of our defensive wall. Despite this, it’s got anough legs to run to one of the 3 maroon shirted tossers queueing up at the far post and it’s hooked high into the net past a slightly wrong footed Phil Wilson.
Of course, everyone is delighted with this given that our record of coming from behind in games is second to none.
It takes several minutes for the U’s to find their feet again, during which the hoofing and general confusion continues around our box. But then on 21 minutes, an chance comes our way and it triggers a decent phase for the home side. Akuamouah breaks down the left, his marker slipping as he enters the side of the 18 yard box. He advances a couple of yards up the byeline before pulling the ball back across the area. But Cornwall’s effort is poor and only manages to raise the pulse by being deflected onto the upright by a Bobbins defender at the expense of a corner.
From this moment though, Sutton finally realise that getting the ball down, playing it to feet and keeping possession when there is no pass on is the way to go as opposed to hammering it 60 yards to a 5 foot 5 forward. For a good ten minutes, the visitors are practically pinned back around their own box as they battle to hold off the U’s determined pressure.
Despite having almost all the ball in this period, only one real half-chance is created on 29 minutes. Gray whipping in a clever low, early ball to the near post. But again, lack of awareness and anticipation on the part of our forwards costs us and a defender manages to make it to the ball and clear a split second ahead of Cornwall.
A couple of minutes later, the scummers break the spell with a chance of thier own. Typically presented on a plate by poor Sutton defending. Scooby misplaces a pass across his own box and the Bobbins no8 rifles a dipping effort a couple of feet over the target.
The U’s hit back though and thankfully persist with their patient passing approach. On 34 minutes, Ed wins a free-kick on the right side of the box, virtually on the byeline. Gray clips it in and Quinton’s nod at the near post is headed from under the bar by the Scummers no5. A minute later, Hughes proceeds to take 2 players out of the game down by the right corner flag with a cheeky little pass for Gray inside. His cross though fails to reach Akuamouah arriving at the far post as a defender again intervenes to head away the danger for a corner.
Our delightful neighbours aren’t out of it by any means though and annoyingly remind us they’re still about shortly before half time, an attack down our left resulting in a low ball across goal from the byeline that is half cut out at the near post and only cleared after a brief melee.
In the aftermath, Steve Douglas limps off, having been a virtual passenger for most of the half and is replaced by Gary Elliott. Moving Gonsalves into a more advanced position.
Still, we keep plodding away, looking for an equaliser. But with the break fast approaching, it seems our hopes will be in vain. But, then with 2 minutes left, we get a nice late Xmas present from our lovely neighbours!
A big throw in from the left causes problems in the Scummers box and is hastily cleared out to the opposite flank. A pass inside finds Honey, who tries to deliver the ball into the box, but his effort is blocked. Using typical Ug determination, the U’s midfield terrier wins the second ball, nodding it over the advancing defence. Hilariously, with no U’s player near him, the Bobbins no4 tries to clear, but only succeeds in looping the ball back over his stranded ‘keeper and into the net.
BWAHAHAHAHAHA!
It’s the least our approach in the last 25 mins or so deserves, but whether we’d have managed to get it ourselves is another matter entirely!
The game threatens to slip away from the visitors for a moment or two, but they hold fast for the last couple of minutes of the half and the break comes before we can make our momentum count.
Still, no worries, we’re on top now. There’s always the second half.
For a change, we decide to find a spot behind the goal in the Securicor terrace instead of the shoebox. Hopefully to try & generate some atmosphere.
Sadly, it proves futile. As from the restart, the U’s fail miserably to take advantage of the momentum built up towards the end of the first half and proceed to turn in another of those fucking god awful performances that your average sunday side would be ashamed of.
One things for certain, whoever filmed the game won’t be selling many copies down at GGL!
The visitors control of the second half begins on 51 minuets when Hughes gives away the ball needlessly just inside their half. The quick break catches us out and Wilson has to watch a 20 yard angled effort from the left fizz narrowly wide of his post near post.
A brief ray of hope comes just before the hour, when Scarborough cleverly flicks on a right sided throw in delivered to his feet, but as is becoming the norm, no-one in an Amber n Choc shirt anticipates or gambles on anything remotely interesting happening in the oppo’s 18 yard box and the Bobbins defence are able to clear. And from that clearance it’s another quick break, ball out to our left for Fontana who goes past Palmer and cracks a rising drive onto the target that Wilson beats away for a corner.
From here on in, we’re pretty woeful. In fact, we’re treated to an almost Bobbins-esque performance from the U’s as again, they cause all their own problems with stupid fucking passes and blindly aimless hoofs forwards.
Just after the hour a Scummer corner (one of about 200 they seem to have in the half) causes chaos in the U’s box and as a goal looks certain, it’s eventually hoofed clear from near the goal-line. And even that’s not great , clipping a shocked Wilson on it’s way into orbit and the far touchline.
In fact quite how the visitors fail to add to their tally is beyond most of us. Any side with even a remotely decent frontline would have added a good 2 or 3 in the second half, but thankfully if there’s one thing the Scummers definitely don’t have, it’s a remotely decent frontline!
73 minutes played and a ball forwards finds a maroon shirt in the centre, just inside our half. Riding 2 girly attempts at challenges and he turns inside the last man to find himself one on one with Wilson. But for some reason, he rushes his shot, scuffs it and allows Phil that chance to make a great reaction stop. The linesmans flag prevents any follow-up from counting.
Our best (and without doubt ONLY) chance of the half comes with about 15 left to play. A great first run after being introduced as a sub from Gorndon wins a throw in. Gray launches it in from the right and Scooby flicks on only for Quinton to head over from close range in the centre.
More chances then come the Bobbins way before the end. And for the second game running, it’s Wilson to the rescue for Sutton.
First a huge crossfield ball catches Gray completely asleep and having totally lost his man, it’s down to Phil to make a brave block and prevent a goal. Then with a little under 10 to play, we again back off an attackers run down trhe centre. He switches play to the left where a runner finds himself well in the clear. His effort just beats Wilson down low, but he gets enough of a touch to enable Patsy to get back and make a desperate last ditch clearance off the line.
At the end, there’s no loud cheer from the Bobbins fans this time. And for good reason. Last tmie they were more than happy with their point. Here, they could quiet easily have taken all 3 and to be honest, if they were actually any good, would have done. Thus ending their 40+ year wait for a league win at Gander Green Lane.
As it is. They failed.
Again.
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Fuck me lads. Just how shit do we have to be for you to get this out of your system?
For us, it’s just another in what’s becoming an ever growing list of frankly crap and unacceptable performances. Not only do we now look like we can’t defend to save our lives, but the midfield is non-existant at times and the forward line is powder puff at best.
Looks like early 2006 is going to be a right old laugh eh?
MAN OF THE MATCH : Phil Wilson. At least SOMEONE is on their game at the moment!
ENTERTAINMENT : 5. First half was ok, but only after they scored. Second half woeful.
TEAM : Wilson, Gray, Scarborough, Palmer, Gonsalves, Honey, Hughes, Quinton, Akuamouah, Cornwall, Douglas SUBS : Elliot, Castledine, Conroy, Gordon, Fear
THE REFEREE’S A………did well. The game was remarkably calm for an LBS derby. All he had to do was dish out the customary Bobbins red card. Sadly to their manager!.