Three More Go West(on)…


Att: 391

WESTON SUPER MARE – 2    [McGregor 23. McKeever 83.]

SUTTON UNITED – 1     [Vansittart 82.]

With Christmas looming and the U’s season still to get underway in any form, the only thing keeping us piss heads going is the promise of a couple more seaside weekenders for the football to try it’s best to ruin.

The next stop on our seaside tour is a run down the M4 to Weston-Super-Mare. Or “Weston-Super-Cheats” as their ex-DML compadres prefer to call them. The nickname relates back to an incident involving an abandoned match between today’s hosts and Stafford towards the tail end of last season.

Well, personally, we can’t fucking stand Stafford. And Weston is by the sea. So you wouldn’t need to be a rocket scientist to figure out what we think of the situation.

An early start is required to get us down to Somerset in time for opening and Windy is outside by 8am. Millsy & Belly are rounded up in the next half hour and then it’s off Westwards. Greek having just moved house is giving this one a miss and Mr & Mrs Chalmers are heading down independently a bit later.

We make fairly good time and arrive around 11. Thankfully locating the B&B is straightforwards and we waste little time in hitting the nearest pub. With decent beer and some footy due on the box, we decide to stay put & await the second wave to catch us up!

It’s a good couple of pints later and just before the Chelsea game kicks off on the TV that Mr & Mrs C finally arrive. They quickly set about catching up with refreshments. More drink and then 2 cabs later and we finally roll into the Seagulls clubhouse. Short on time, we set about lubricating the tonsils some more and catching up with the rest of the travelling U’s support.

Before long it’s time to go and ruin our afternoon with the no doubt cack football. Still, I suppose if you look at it positively, it’s a chance to sober up a bit. Which means more drinking afterwards!

JR sticks with the 4-4-2 that got results in the cups at Welling & Maidenhead. Obviously feeling that as many bodies at the back as possible can only beneficial. And plus it allows Brage & Gray to hopefully get forwards a lot lot more. The only change is the return of Vansittart up front in place of Martin.

Entering the ground, it appears a lilttle sparse to be honest. Some low seating down the near side & a decent looking terrace behind the far goal is all we find. Still, I guess with it being new this season, there’s probably more to come in the summer with regards to development. The pitch looks like it’ll certainly need some attention. The half we defend in the first 45 minutes looks like a ploughed field, with lines of sand clearly marking out lines running diagonally across the surface.

Hmmm. Doubt we’ll see much flowing football played on this today.

Things start brightly enough for the U’s, with a Fear free-kick from the left finding Matt Gray, but his header is straight at the Seagulls ‘keeper. McKeever tests Wilson a couple of minutes later, forcing a decent save from the Sutton man.

But there then follows 20 minutes or so of very dull uneventful football, with neither side really doing much to inspire the assembled crowd or set the pulse racing.

This makes what happens in the 28th minute all the more annoying. A quick attack down our left and a low crossfield pass finds our defence a little flat-footed. The portly MacGregor takes the pass in his stride, skips round Wilson and fires low inside the far post from a narrow angle.

We’re struggling enough to make an impact on proceedings as it is, but the goal really is the icing on the cake. Meanwhile, going ahead gives the hosts a boost and they press for a second. A couple of minutes after the goal, a move down our right ends with a lox cross in from the byeline. But despite being well placed, the attacker recieving the ball hooks a shot well over Wilson’s crossbar.

And thats it. Again the game dies and it’s not until 2 minutes before the break that another serious attack surfaces. A ball in from our right finds an attacker, but his shot is blocked. But the danger hasn’t passed and the ball runs to another white shirt. He forces a good save out of Wilson and we go in just the one behind at the break.

Strolling round, we encounter a group of local chavs, who as you would expect, gob off about how “shit” we are, the score etc etc etc. Our response is predictable and ranges from the witty to the basic “Fuck off”. Needing a piss rather badly, I head for the gents, leaving the ‘discussion’ behind me. As I depart, a gentleman steps in and singles out Millsy, advising him that “they’re only kids”. A bit of pushing later and matey realises that he’s actually causing a problem where there wasn’t one and he’s outnumbered, so beats a hasty retreat. The stewards deem this such a minor event they at no point choose to step in!

Personally, the argument “They’re only kids” in relation to mouthy 15-16 year olds is bollocks in my opinion. If they gob off, then they’re going to get some gob back. They’ve got to learn sometime. Try doing that with a slightly less forgiving bunch than us and they’ll get a fucking good slap rather than a ‘Fuck off’.

The view from the rather good covered terrace is a big improvement on the other end. Plus the roof should go a long way to helping our vocal efforts seem that little bit louder.

With the second half barely a minute old, a darting run from deep by Akuamouah opens up the home defence, but with a good sight of goal, he hits his shot straight at the ‘keeper. On 55 minutes, our lively start continues, with Ed again involved. This time he finds Brake down the left. The wide man beats his marker and zips a good low ball across the 6 yard box, but sadly there is no Sutton man there to apply a finishing touch.

Soon after, it’s Gonsalves overlapping down the left and whipping in a cross. It loops towards goal and deceives the ‘keeper, who is mightily relieved to see it drop just over his crossbar.

The home side finally come to life on the hour and it again takes the intervention of Mr Wilson to keep us in the game. A cross in from the left finds a man just beyond the back post and he nods it over the slightly stranded Sutton keeper. Thankfully it hits the bar and is cleared. But not before Wilson has recovered to make a great block on a shot from the rebound.

Gray makes a rare cutting foray down the right flank with about 15 to play and delivers a great cross to the centre of the box, but Joff’s header skips just wide of the far post.

The ref annoys us by allowing a couple of ropey challenges to go completely unpunished and then, having already booked him, fails to award the mandatory second yellow to MacGregor who deliberately steps in to block a quick Booth free-kick deep in our half.

Needing to change the game, JR withdraws Booth for Boosey and switches back to 3 at the back. The move pays off within a couple of minutes when Boosey runs at the Weston defence before sweeping the ball out to Brake in space down the left. He whips in a super cross and Joff meets it with a thumping close range header and in off the underside of the bar.

Naturally, a bit pissed and desperately wanting something to really shout about, we go suitably potty at the goal. Thank christ! A point will do nicely thanks….

Sadly, our inability to do the simplest things costs us dear. Before we’ve even finished celebrating, the game restarts, Weston play a quick ball down our left, the cross comes in and with our defence absolutely nowhere, McKeever outjumps (I think) Gray at the back post and loops a header over Wilson and in off the crossbar.

Naturally, we’re not best pleased by this event.

Still, we almost snatch the point back 2 minutes later. A big throw in from Matt Gray on the right touchline is nodded on by Scooby and drops to Joff around the near post. But his deft flick drifts across goal and despite looking like it’s going in from our vantage point, slips a gnats chuff wide of the far post.

At the final whistle, it’s hard to try and offer encouragement to the lads, but we try regardless. With people like Matt Gray slumped on the turf like we’ve just lost a cup final, you can see that at least some do still give a shit.

Disappointed and depressed, we head back to the bar and set about Phase 2 of our usual seaside ‘get as drunk as possible’ plan. The hosts try their best to encourage us with comments about having seen & lost to much worse sides and that our support is great etc etc. But in most cases, it doesn’t really do much to lift the mood of the crew.

Right, can we go and get incredibly drunk now please?

Cabs are called and with a couple of minutes to their arrival, we pop outside to greet them. Half an hour later, an impromptu game of ‘coke can football’ (during which sees Millsy & Chalmers end up on their arse after some over zealous play!) and a string of piss poor excuses from the cab firm later, we finally get back to the fucking B&B.

Millsy goes for a nap and the rest of us set about getting changed for a night on the tiles. It then takes both Belly and myself several minutes to prise Millsy from his pit, only serving to eat up more valuable drinking time.

When we do hit town, we’re understandably into the booze with a vengeance and after several pubs, roll into ‘Sands’, a nightclub on the front. Here much more booze is sunk, Millsy and Belly dance badly and Windy is sent a bit funny by some aftershock, prompting him to wander onto the dancefloor and ask some local fillies if they’d like some “London cock”. Funnily enough, they turn down his generous offer.

Slowly, battered by the onset of booze, first Millsy then Chalmers & Windy stagger off into the night. Leaving Belly, myself and Mrs C to represent the crew, finally leaving when the staff request we do so, sometime after 3am and stagger back to the B&B.

Somehow, we all make brekkie the next morning and head out to Cheddar for the next installment of the Shoebox Hungover Idiots Tour. With serious emphasis on the ‘Hungover’ part.

God I hate football.

MAN OF THE MATCH : Eddie Akuamouah. Putting a hell of a lot more in than some others…..

ENTERTAINMENT : 6. Rubbish game between 2 pretty average teams.

TEAM : Wilson, Booth, Scarborough, Quinton, Gonsalves, Gray, Fear, Honey, Brake, Vansittart, Akuamouah.   SUBS : Boosey, Martin, Tydeman.

THE REFEREE’S A………like a lot of recent officials. Quiet, didn’t do a terrible amount wrong to be honest. Yet bottled the one serious decision he had to make all game. Namely the non-award of an certain second yellow card to McGregor in the second half. Twat.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *