It’s So Threesy!


Att: 529

KINGSTONIAN – 1    [Browne 75]

SUTTON UNITED – 3   [Akuamouah 18. Bailey 27. Nurse 76]

The U’s rolled into Kingsmeadow last night on the latest leg of their ‘Score 3 and bugger off’ tour (Anyone from a big mobile phone company reading?? Marketing opportunity ahoy!) and er…..promptly scored three again and buggered off. Well, if the truth be known, maybe it was a bit more complex than that. But not much.

As this was officially designated a ‘big game’ (huge in fact!) Windy, Greek & Dave decided half days were in order for the occasion, thus allowing them more refreshment time than usual for a Tuesday night encounter. Meanwhile, poor bastards like myself, Bob & Chalmers had to work (Yep, you got that right, Bob had to work. And boy he’s not happy about it!) and thus dash to Kingston to play ‘catch up’ in the Kings Tun.

I finally arrive just after 5.30 having gone via Raynes Park to pick up a large bag of t-shirts commemorating some result or other from Boxing Day and find a mildly lubricated Windy, Greek & Dave waiting along with a just-got-here-myself Chalmers. Right, bar methinks!

Beer, food & several terrible attempts at playing the quiz machine later and we start our stagger towards Kingsmeadow for the football, making it in just in time to greet the lads out onto the pitch.

The U’s are tonight sticking with a the same side that ran out comfortable winners at Braintree on Saturday, meaning the Ex-K’s Eddie Akuamouah and Chris Nurse are on show. Hopefully they’ll get in on the goals to really upset the locals.

The match takes a few minutes to settle and 14 minutes in, Jon Nurse gets under a high ball into the box. He controls well & turns to face goal, but the defender stays with him and in the end forces him to shoot well wide. K’s are responding soon after, with a neat move down the right, a good low pass is played into the near post, but before the K’s forward can do anything with it, Jinadu has got stuck in and performed a superbly timed blocking tackle to snuff out the danger.

Overall though, the U’s look the more confident and the more threatening of the two teams and with 19 minutes played, a wonderful sweeping move puts them ahead.

A quick, direct ball out of defence from Patsy finds it’s way to Jon Nurse out on the left. He makes a dash for the box, cutting infield, but finds himself blocked out just over the 18 yard line. Just as it seems he’s perhaps lost possession, he keeps the ball and makes a cheeky back-heel right into the path of the supporting Akuamouah racing in behind him. Showing great close control, Ed skips past one hooped shirt, glides inside another and whips a lovely low curling shot past the dive of Key and just inside the far post.

It’s a quality strike, even by our own recent standards. And the fact that Ed has once again come back to haunt the side who dumped him (an probably didn’t pay him in to the bargain) doesn’t amuse us in the slightest. Ahem. Right, loony mad jumping time methinks.

The goal really gets the boys going and we start to play some great football. A ball over the top of the K’s defence finds Fowler. He feeds Bailey down the left, getting to the byeline he pulls the ball across the 6 yard box, but there’s no one there in a yellow shirt to finish off another cutting move.

The advantage is increased shortly after though when Bailey is upended on the corner of the 18 yard box, out to the left, winning a free-kick. He, Eddie & Matt Gray stand over the ball. Akuamouah touches it to Gray, who in turn slips it across the edge of the box for Bailey who has peeled away. With a clear sight of goal, Nicky smashes an unstoppable low drive that swerves away from Key and just inside the far post, parking it’s little size 5 arse in to the corner of the net.

Wooooo Hoooooo! 2-0!!! Come on!

Ok, I know there’s still less than half an hour gone, but the general concensus amongst the crew is that it’s already game over. But then again, as per normal, we are pretty pissed so our judgement may well be slightly impaired.

Sutton keep up the pressure on a beleaguered K’s defence, Fowler winning a flick on that Jon Nurse charges after down on the left. He cuts infield and again goes for the box, but under pressure, he hits a disappointing effort straight at Key. On 33 minutes, a free-kick in from deep on the right is flicked on by a great Jon Nurse leap. It falls to Patsy 8 yards out & unmarked at the back post. It bounces nastily in front of him, but not enough to stop him cracking it on the half volley off the K’s crossbar! The ball falls to Fowler on the other side, but before he can shoot, he seems to be pulled to the ground. But, shockingly, the lino somehow gives a foul AGAINST Fowler! Twat.

K’s finally manage to remind us they’re in the game with around 5 minutes to half time. A hooped shirt runs at Jindau, who ever so slightly mistimes his challenge. The crunch of boot against shinpad has us wincing at the far end! Steele takes the free-kick from just outside the box to the left. The ball swings over the wall, but Iga is alert and gets down to gather the effort at the foot of his near post.

The final word of the half goes to the U’s. Bailey whipping the ball out to Matt Gray on the right, his first time volleyed cross is sliced straight up into the air by a defender and drops to Nurse who nods it over the stranded Key. Fortunately the ‘keeper is rescued by a covering defender who gets back to head the ball from under the bar and away to safety.

Leading comfortably at the break, the discussions on the walk round centre on how many we’ll get tonight. I’m soon busy though, dealing with dozens of eager customers looking to pick up their t-shirts from some match or other.

The second half carries on where the first left off, with the U’s on the offensive. Another free-kick combination see’s Nurse & Bailey supply Gray, but his low drive is just held at the foot of the near post by Key.

But the half then peters out a little, with neither side really on top. The U’s with their 2 goal advantage seemingly taking their foot off the gas slightly, but still creating the odd chance here & there. On 67 minutes, A free-kick from the right picks out the big figure of Jinadu, but his downward header is straight at the ‘keeper. Then a couple of minutes later, a corner from the right again picks out the big J man, but this time he guides his header over the target from 10 yards out.

K’s seem to take heart from our easing off the pace and start to come into the game more. With 20 minutes remaining, an attack down our left ends with a cross into the near post. It’s just a little too high for the hooped shirt waiting for it and Tony Quinton clears at the expense of a corner.

Sutton hit back inside a couple of minutes, Quinton sending Gray free down the right. He delivers a tantalising cross that Jon Nurse just makes contact with, but his touch simply takes it off the head of the much better placed Bailey just behind him. Put a name on it!! Soon after, Bailey plays a superb Beckham-esque raking crossfield ball to Gray out on the right. Matty takes is first time on the run and whips a ball across the box. But the sheer pace of the move means that even the rapid Nursey can’t react in time and the opportunity goes to waste.

The U’s are made to rue the missed opportunities a minute or so later, when the defence backs off Dave Timothy down the left and he slips a pass in behind them for Stafford Browne. The K’s man draws Iga and slots the ball beyond him into the far corner to makes the score a slightly more flattering 2-1. Arse. They’ve barely threatened and now they’re back in it! Bastards.

Right lads, sort ‘em out and make it snappy.

The home side’s bare faced cheek at insulting us and scoring seems to positively enrage the lads and within a minute, the 2 goal cushion and normality, is restored.

A K’s attack break down on the left thanks to Akuamouah. Eddie then chips the ball down the left for Bailey to run onto. He drives for the box before slipping a pass inside to Jon Nurse arriving 8 yards out at the near post. With a defender goal-side, it looks like JN has his work cut out. Not so, his pace has taken him in front of his marker just enough to receive the pass and sweep the ball through the legs of Key and into the back of the net.

3-1 and now that should definitely be game over.

To be fair, the home side then have their best spell in the last 10 minutes or so as they go all out to try and rescue something from the tie. A cross from the left is nodded down in the box, but when it seems a hooped shirt will snap up the chance, the ball is thumped clear. Next Palmer slips 20 odd yards out, conceding possession to the lurking Browne. But, this time Iga is equal to the strikers effort and produces a great one handed save to his right to maintain the 2 goal advantage.

Bailey almost tops things off straight after, when another super cross from Gray on the right is met with a stooping header by Fowler at the near post. It beats Key and runs to Nicky, unmarked at the back post. But, sliding in, he somehow manages to pull his effort straight up & over the bar.


The last few minutes peter out as both sides seem to realise the outcome isn’t really going to change and after a few minutes of stoppages, the ref sends us to our 2nd consecutive Surrey Final at Imber Court. The nice man on the tannoy soon informs us that Woking have beaten Leatherhead 3-0 tonight, which means we’ll be meeting the full-time Conference outfit on May 4th at the home of the Po po.

Pah, it’ll be a doddle!

The only disappointment of the evening is that Jasper Neilsen didn’t get on this evening. Which is a shame as we’d had a nice little song all worked out for him and everything. We’ ll get you Danish sounding bloke, just you wait & see!

Transport back to the Hood is hastily blagged as we fancy getting a few more refreshments of the celebratory variety in before closing time. Back at the pub, pint in hand, we find out the Bobbins have failed to take advantage of one of their games in hand over us and lost at Hayes.

Oh dear……..I think I’m going to laugh…


Yep, thought so.

MAN OF THE MATCH :  Nick Bailey. Awesome. Scored again & ran K’s ragged,

ENTERTAINMENT : 7. Not a classic, but some good football & 3 very well worked goals.

TEAM : Iga, Gray, Palmer, Jinadu, Quinton, Akuamouah, Honey, Bailey, C.Nurse, Fowler, J.Nurse

SUBS :  Neilsen, Hamlin, Dunne, Boosey

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