Nine Down…

RYMAN PREMIER DIVISION

Att: 502



SUTTON UNITED – 1  [Murray 20]

ENFIELD – 1  [Georgiou 55]

Aw c’mon now lads, this shit just isn’t funny anymore. I know you’ve got to have a sense of humour to follow a Non-League club, but this is fucking ridiculous.

Now 9 games into the season, we’re STILL looking for a win. Only 5 draws and a marginally better goal difference than Croydon keeps us off the foot of the table.

And for the third straight game, the U’s tossed away a chance to finally break that duck and get our first win on the board. Missed chances and a fucking great cock up by our ‘keeper leaving us wondering where it will all end.

Lunch with the missus and then onto the Robin Hood for a pre-match sup with Bob, who’s just returned from his 2 week pissup…..er….break in Weymouth. Over a pint of Youngs Special, I fill him in on all the ‘excitement’ he’s missed and by the way he rolls his eyes as I describe bad game after bad game, I’m sure the moment he steps back through his front door later this afternoon, he’ll be digging out the ‘Great Western’ timetable to find out when the next train back to Dorset is.

3 or 4 years ago, this fixture would easily have attracted a crowd of 900 plus. Not now. What with Enfield’s well documented problems and our good selves being little better than simply awful the last year or so, only a sparse smattering of lunatics/die hards dot the terraces. I’m not sure which catagory I fall under, but lets just say I have my suspicions.

We wander into GGL at about 5 to 3, just as the teams are forming up for the minutes silence in tribute to all the poor sods in the New York atrocity on Tuesday. We halt and pay our respects before we move on to our customary position on the Shoebox.

Corbett and Timothy are both still out and Danny Brooker has joined them having hobbled off at Grays on Tuesday night. Thankfully this doesn’t mean the return of Arkwright, but Richard Taylor is restored to left back.

Things start brightly for Sutton as they go in search of an early goal with Murray and Haworth looking to prise open the E’s defence. A few decent chances are created, Richard Taylor arriving late at the back post from a corner heads wide and later a good move involving Jon Palmer down the left finds Murray in front of goal, but he can only direct his effort against the upright. Enfield cause their fair share of problems and Georgiou really should have done better with a header from close range.

The U’s finally edge in front after 20 minutes. An Enfield defender dithers on the ball just outside the box, Akumouah pounces, robs him and races towards goal. His final touch is poor though and he collides with the ‘keeper as they both go for the ball. Jay Murray saves the situation, stepping up to plant the loose ball into the far corner.

The U’s keep going and twice in the final moments of the half, really should extend their lead. First Akumouah gets free on the left, but again his final touch lets him down and he can only force a corner. From the flag kick Mison rises miles above everyone else but gets no direction on his header and it clears the Securicor terrace.

The second half sees the visitors come out in more determined mood. Forcing Sutton onto the back foot early on and just as it seems we’ve weathered the storm, we natrually screw it up. 10 minutes after the restart, a long ball forwards is easily intercepted by Ryan Palmer. Under pressure, he turns and plays it back to Martini in the Sutton goal. He takes a touch, but rather than hoof it clear he tries to be clever and fails miserably, hitting a weak pass straight to Georgiou who accepts the present gratefully and sticks it inside the far post.

Now, JR has stuck with this bloke since the start of the season, but so far I haven’t seen one single sodding reason exactly why he’s still out there. The effect on the team is shattering. Akumouah sinking to his knees in despair in the centre circle. If they’ve got no confidence in the twat, what the fuck is he still doing playing?? Ian shows some of that ol’ Non-League humour a couple of minutes later, when the 3 U’s subs wander round to warm up behind the Collingwood goal. “Can any of you lads play in goal?” he calls out. They don’t reply, but the grins on their faces tell says it all.

The equaliser destroys the U’s fragile confidence and for the rest of the half, they’re stumbling around desperately trying to prevent Enfield from nicking a winner.

The closest they come is when another E’s attack carves the Sutton defence open for the umpteenth time in about 10 minutes. 2 powder puff tackles are avoided and with Martini nowhere, a close range shot sneaks goalwards. Thankfully Mison dives in and blocks the ball on the line and Ryan Palmer twats it away.

Things get worse for the U’s as both Haworth and Panter hobble off with what looks like hamstring problems. This forces JR into a last ditch gamble and he throws Danny Arkwright on up front with Matt Folwer. The gamble makes little difference as Arkwright, for his size, wins very little. And what he does, is poorly directed. Fowler meanwhile is being shrugged off the ball almost every time he gets it.

Then with it looking likely a point would be the best we could possibly hope for a shot from the edge of the box is only parried by the Enfield ‘keeper. Murray zips onto it first and the ‘keeper hauls him down. Penalty! So, with under 10 minutes to play, U’s skipper Chris Boothe has a chance to possibly win it from the spot.

Of course he misses it.

A weak, directionless effort right down the middle is easily saved by the ‘keeper and we’ve blown it again. An anxious looking JR by the dug out looks to the heavens. He ain’t going to help you mate, not unless he can put you in touch with Bob Paisley or lend us Alfredo di Stefano and Bobby Moore.

We suffer a edgy last few minutes, naturally played out in our half, before the final whistle. JR, obviously wondering just exactly he’s got to do to get this bunch of twats to actually win a game, shows a rare glimpse of emotion by giving the advertising board on the perimeter fence behind him a fucking good kick.

Yeah John, now you know how we feel. And may we suggest trying that approach with some of the players?? You could start with that idiot you signed as a goalkeeper! A little good news then reaches me by mobile telephonic device. Apparently Oldham have won and due to dodgy results elsewhere, actually top the second division!

Oi Bob, when’s the next train back to Weymouth?

MAN OF THE MATCH : Rob Haworth. Looking back to his best. Won everything in the air.

ENTERTAINMENT : 4. Two very poor sides, playing rather poor football.

TEAM : Martini, R Palmer, Taylor, Mison, Honey, Panter, Akumouah, Boother, J Palmer, Haworth, Murray SUBS : Arkwright, Aligheri, Fowler

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