RYMAN PREMIER DIVISION
SUTTON UNITED – 2 [Haworth 50. Ekoku 60]
ENFIELD – 3 Allen (18)(28) Chandler (30)
Well that’s just sodding marvellous. I faithfully stand and watch about 3 months of complete bollocks, then pop off to my beloved’s for a SINGLE weekend to celebrate her birthday and what do they do?? They win bloody 7-1.
Cunts. 7 fucking 1. Yeah, cheers lads. Ok ok, so it was only an apparently abysmal Dulwich, but it was still 7 bloody 1! And what do they do in the next game against another relegation haunted side? They give them a poxy three goal start before half an hour is played!!! Christ on a bike.
Yep. Ol’ Taz is back. And he’s pissed off!! (again). Despite the ‘morale boosting’ thrashing doled out at the weekend the lads simply turned up and did what they’d done for the past couple of months. Looked alright, even threatening for almost 20 minutes before gifting a bloody awful goal and then collapsing in the following 20 minutes.
The side is rejigged again with Palmer serving the last game of his suspension. Oh dear. Neil Baker comes into the back four to replace him. The rest of the line up is much as saturday. Well, I think so anyway.
As I said, for the first 15 minutes of so we look alright, knocking the ball around well and creating a couple of half chances which fail to become full chances due to a poor final touch or unlucky bounce. Bolt is again the hub of all our activity. Enfield meanwhile manage not much else in this time apart from three bloody awful challenges that warrant little more than a talking to from the ref. Typical shite Ryman officiating. Our best chance falls to Dave Harlow who’s 25 yard drive is acrobatically tipped over the bar.
Then after 18 minutes, our lot pop of to Wonderland again for a short while and by the time they return from their coma, we’re 3-0 down.
Visiting striker Allen chases down a long ball forwards and Dunn races out to meet him. Both challenge for the ball, with Allen winning out. He plays the ball back to the edge of the box as Dunn races back to his goal. Another short pass finds an Enfield midfielder who blasts goalwards and Allen pops up to deflect the ball past the unsighted Dunn. Oh arse, here we go again.
Enfield give us a taster of things to come by wasting time at every opportunity. After 20 minutes!! One amusing moment comes when the ‘keeper takes what seems like several minutes to place the ball for a goal kick, unclogs his studs, lines up his run, measures wind speed and humidity and then checks his horoscope before slicing the ball into touch just before the halfway line. Very impressive you twat.
10 minutes later Allen is allowed to run unchallenged into the box and as the defence continues to back off, he tucks the ball past Dunn and into the far bottom corner. Bollocksbollocksbollocks. Just 2 minutes after this, a corner is flicked on and Chandler’s header at the back post sneaks in past Dunn’s despairing dive. 0-3. Quite where the defence has gone is completely beyond me.
The U’s finally return from their 12 minute daydream and realise they’re right in the shit. Our best hope before half time is a surging run from Whitmarsh, who plays a low ball into the box but there’s no one there to apply the final touch.
What we need is an early goal second half lads.
Amazingly enough, we get one!! A good ball through from Bolt finds Haworth in acres of space and as the defenders close in he blasts a shot goalwards. The ‘keeper gets a hand to it, but it squirms away from him and bobbles over the line. 1-3. That’ll do! Now get another one you useless bastards.
This goal Sutton and we start to exert some real pressure on the visitors. Nko is again having a fine game. His surging runs causing Enfield much discomfort. It’s from one of these runs that we get right back into the game. Ekoku goes like a whippet for the byeline and challenged by a defender fires in a bullet of a cross. Straight at the ‘keeper, who decides that rather than have the ball smack him square in the mush, he’ll put his hands in the way. His selfish act of self preservation backfires badly as all he manages to do is push the ball onto the underside of the bar and down over the line. Bolty arrives and lamps it into the net just in case. COME ON! Get that bloody equaliser!!!
For the next few minutes, Enfield are on the back foot as we surge forward. Several corners are won and no less than 3 times the ball hits a U’s player less than 5 yards out only for the loose ball to be hacked clear with the Enfield ‘keeper nowhere.
Eventually our control of the game fades and our last real action is when Nko is cynically chopped down in mid flight. A foul that finally brings a yellow card. The free-kick comes to nothing.
Nko limps off to be replaced by new signing from Woking, Dante Aligheri. A full back. Quite why we leave Gray (a striker, sponsored by Gandermonium!!!) or even McCormack (a winger)on the bench is beyond me. Yet another puzzling (and crap) tactical manouever from the U’s management team methinks. And people reckoned we needed an English coach for the national job. Yeah right!
Enfield are now content to blatantly waste time at every opportunity as we push forwards, but with very little effect.
And so after the supposedly morale boosting win on saturday, we’re back to type and another home defeat. Thank christ there’s about 8 sides worse than us or I’d hate to think where we could have ended up.
Still, the night isn’t over and after a swift pint in the Robin Hood, it’s a lift home courtesy of Paul’s completely knackered Ford Fiesta. It’s so knackered that the best it can manage is 30mph. Downhill. He admits he can’t remember the last time he used 4th gear!!! The journey finally ends after 35 minutes, via the strangest route, at the end of my road where I jump out with the car still moving so Chalmers does’nt lose any momentum! Even then I have to give him a bloody push to gain speed!!
His motor splutters off, screaming its nuts off in 1st gear, with Chalmers screaming just as loudly “Come on you bastard….”
He’s trying to get rid of it apparently. The car that is.
MAN OF THE MATCH : Nko Ekoku. Looked about our most dangerous player
ENTERTAINMENT : 5. Giving your visitors a 3-0 start ain’t clever lads.
TEAM : Dunn, Howard, Honey, Boothe, Baker, Harlow, Bolt, Horner, Whitmarsh, Haworth, Ekoku SUBS : Gray, McCormack, Aligheri