Same Shit, Different Game


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So after the shit sandwich dished up by the U’s on Wednesday night, we were looking for a 1000% improvement to simply prevent a bloody good hiding at Nationwide Conference leaders, Kidderminster.

The performance was indeed an improvement, but then again that was’nt too hard. The fact that the side had turned up matched Wednesday’s effort.

Another early start, with ‘Judith’ at the helm, and we’re safely into Cheltenham for opening at 12. A couple of bevs and some chips later, we’re heading for Aggborough, home of the latest side to top the Nationwide Conference. We find the place without too much trouble and scoot through the turnstile to find out that due to a ‘technical problem’ there are no proggies. The exact nature of this ‘techincal problem’ is revealed by the chief steward for our end. “They printed 300 instead of 3000” he tells us.

Nice of ‘em to consider the away fans and put 100 of those down here for us. NOT! Aggborough is also one of those grounds that wherever you stand , you’re guaranteed to freeze to death due to a rather cold, swirling wind. Which is nice.

The side is pretty much as it always is. But Sammy Winston is suspended, which probably means a quiet afternoon for the home defence. The game starts. The first half as an event is a total non starter. We natrually pretty much bugger all again due to our awful midfield and Kiddie are either taking it easy or are simply another average Conference side with a couple of decent players, as they hardly demonstrate just why they’re top. Gareth has a couple of routine save to make and sees a header guided a couple of yards wide of his far upright, whilst our only meaningful effort comes from a Jimmy Dack shinner. His bobbling shot comes through a crowd of players and the ‘keeper has to get down swiftly to avoid embarrassment.

Kiddie start the second half with a bit more fire than before and start to make a bit more headway. Their nippy forward, Foster, is causing problems. But his finishing resembles something my gran would be ashamed of, as he construes to screw up three 1 on 1’s with Howells. First he bursts through, hesitates and Gareth is there to make the save. The second he just spanks way over the bar and into the next town and finally he does everything right only to see his wild shot cannon off the underside of the bar.

The home side take the lead after 51 minutes with a bit of a screamer. Not that I reckon their No 5 had any intention of scoring. A corner appears to have been cleared, only for matey to collect the ball 35 yards out and just simply lamp it. Now the ball is struck roughly parallel to the corner of the 18 yard box and curls in to smash off the INSIDE of the near post and nestle in the net at the bottom of the far post.

Mr No 5 looks just as amazed as everyone else. Bollocks. The home fans then break into possibly the worst song ANYWHERE. A ditty entitled ‘Jan Molby, My Lord’ to the tune of Devil dodger fave ‘Kum-by-ah’. I remember David Leworthy having a similar tribute bestowed upon him at Dover. It was a shit song then and it’s still a shit song now.

The U’s battle gamely on, but without threatening to even remotely get back into the game. The home side have further opportunities to finish us off, namely a header coming back off the bar, but they steadfastly fail to live up to their billing as top of the league. Dave Harlow is stretchered off soon after the goal when Kiddies Danish No 7 arrives a tad late in a challenge.

Another note to the home supporters here. Ok ok, we expect the funeral march tune with ‘DIE!!’ shouted loudly at the end of it whilst an opposition player is down recieving treatment, maybe even twice if you’re really bored, but SIX times?? Especially when said player is being carried off on a stretcher. It’s not big, it’s not clever and makes you all look like complete brain dead wankers. Oh and one more thing, we’re not Cockneys. If I’m a Cockney, then you’re all Brummie fuckwits.

Well, I mean, it’s only fair ‘innit guv. Up the old apples and pears missus, ooh them bow bells……

Nko and Hutchinson are introduced to try and maybe turn the game. Nko does little until 2 minutes from time. Skelly plays him in down the left and he leaves his marker for dead. He enters the box only to be clattered by the onrushing ‘keeper. The ref thinks for a sec and then points to the spot. Penalty! He then confuses us by producing a yellow card for the ‘keeper. Surely a red one is the correct option for such an offence?

Well we all know our track record from the spot recently and with no Winston, Watson or Riley on the park and Newhouse probably unwilling to take it, Jimmy Dack steps up. If he bags this, surely it will bring us a vital point. Jimmy duly sends the ‘keeper the wrong way but plants his kick firmly against the bar to the approval of the home fans. I look on in disbelief. 3 away games, 3 penalties, ALL missed. With Dacky’s miss goes any chance of us getting anything out of the game and we lose 1-0 away from home AGAIN to a side we really could have taken something from.

Note to JR, get this lot practicing spot kicks will ya?? That’s 3 points we’ve pissed away in consecutive away games with our inability to stick the ball in the net from 12 yards and with the way our forwards are performing, we simply can’t afford to miss opportunities like this.

MAN OF THE MATCH : Andy Riley. A good solid performance

ENTERTAINMENT : 5. Not exactly dishing out the classics at the mo…..

TEAM : Howells, Skelly, Laker, Riley, Berry, Lee, Harford, Harlow, Dack, Newhouse, Watson

SUBS : Ekoku, Hutchinson, Forrester, Rowlands

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