Yawwwwn!

ISTHMIAN CHARITY SHIELD MATCH

Att: 641



Aldershot Town – 2   [Cash 36, Gell 39]

Sutton United – 1   [Winston 56]

JR stated beforehand that he’d be taking this game a bit more seriously than last year. Well that wouldn’t be too hard now would it?

Last seasons side included 10 Reserve & youth teamers and John Ugbah, who was at the time a fringe player. This awe inspiring ensemble were naturally thrashed 6-1 by a rather over zealous and full strength Conference 11 fielded by Kingstonian.

Despite the managers assurances only about 60 U’s fans & officials bothered to show up at Aldershot’s Recreation Ground stadium. This included Col, Bob, ‘Judith’ and myself. I only came along because I work in bloody Guildford, which is about 10 minutes away. So christ knows what drove the others to come down!

The side shows some changes from the one tonked 6-2 at Morecambe on Saturday. Andy Little is in goal, Harford and Sears are at centre back (Sears??), a new bloke called Hall in centre midfield, Joe Baker gets his first start wide right with Nko wide left and a Rowlands/Watson partnership up front. Ah, so JR was telling the truth about taking this game more seriously. Sort of. The tannoy bloke announces a couple of changes to the home side as well. This includes a certain Mr Searle in goal. Oh you remember him, he’s the useless tosser who played for the Bobbins last season. You know, the bloke who picked the ball out of the net 6 times in 2 games against us. Remember him now? Thought you might.

We start off and it’s apparent straight away that this is going to be a crap game. Both sides can’t pass for toffee and no-one really looks interested. Aldershot find their feet around 10 minutes in and mount an attack of sorts. It comes to nothing, but it’s obvious they might actually want to win this. Nko is making a little headway down his flank, despite the constant niggly kicking he’s getting from the ‘Shots’ No2.

Rowlands is also being roughly treated by their No6. Both defenders commit clear fouls in the opening 20 minutes that should be penalties. Nko is chopped down in full flight by the twattish No2, but cynical fouls are obviously ok in this refs book. We check to see if he’s from Heybridge.

Shortly after Nko gets free down the left and delivers a cross to the back post. Natrually Mr Searle is nowhere and just as Rowlands sizes himself up to nod us in front, Mr No6 arrives and just piles into the back of him! There is blatantly no attempt whatsoever to go for the ball, but yet again referee Mr F. Uckwit waves play on. Quite what this twat is on is beyond me. Then the home side are in front. A midfielder is allowed to run 20 yards unchallenged and when he is finally caught, the tackle is a clumsy one and a free kick is awarded. The kick is taken and deflects wildly off the outside of the wall. Little is wrong footed and despite a full stretch dive to his left, the ball sneaks in.

3 minutes later and its 2-0. Another deep run from midfield goes unchallenged and Gell lets fly from about 25 yards. It’s an excellent strike that Andy can do fuck all about, except watch as it sails past his outstretched hand and into the top corner. We almost strike back immediately when Searle shows his true colours and fumbles a simple catch. New man Hall, who to be perfectly honest has done so little we’d forgotten he was playing, has a clear sight of goal from 6 yards. He blasts it straight at Searle who is lying in front of him and the chance is gone.

Half time and we wander round to face the intimidating atmosphere of the infamous East Bank. Wooo! Otherwise known as the Mensa End. Here we are forced to put up with the most intolerable bombardment of crap. Not from the low brow morons in the home end, but from the PA system which is playing ‘Mambo No 5’ at about 12000 decibels. I contemplate leaping the dividing fence between us and the dickheads next door, screaming ‘Who fucking wants it then!!!’ with the intention of getting myself kicked to death to rid myself of the horrific noise being pumped into my lugholes. Fortunately the record stops before I make a firm decision. But I think we all know what I’d have gone for.

We bring on Hutchinson and Winston in the second half and it gives us a little more bite. Sammy is charging around like a loon and their defenders don’t like it. Nko is still being kicked any time he goes near the No2 and the No6 has now switched his attentions to Watson. The worst assault being when Mark goes to jump for a header, Thuggy treads on his foot to prevent him getting airborne. It’s the oldest trick in the book, but it’s still quite nasty as you can damage all sorts of stuff doing that. Mark natrually has to leave the field for treatment.

Naturally the twat in black does nothing about this foul.

Just before the hour and we finally expose Mr Searle’s dodgy positioning. A corner from Harlow finds Sammy, who’s drifted in front of the clueless arse in goal and he powers in a header from about 5 yards. This lifts the side and the introduction of Scotty Forrester ups the tempo. Watso blows 2 decent half chances before the idiot that is passing for a ref makes one more contribution. Sammy latches onto a through ball and is sent flying by a rash challenge from a defender which looks very much like it’s just inside the box to us. Natrually dickhead waves play on. But then again, we did’nt really want an extra 30 minutes and possibly penalties anyway did we?

Oh well, never mind.

MAN OF THE MATCH : Errrrr…..

ENTERTAINMENT : 2. Why oh why did I bother????

TEAM : Little, Brooker, Skelly, Sears, Harford, Hall, Harlow, Baker, Ekoku, Rowlands, Watson

SUBS : Winston, Forrester, Hutchinson, Berry

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