NATIONWIDE CONFERENCE | Att: 1422
Sutton United – 2 [Dack 69, Winston 90] Kingstonian – 2 [O.G.16, O.G. 64]
Ah yes, the one we’d been waiting for. The so called ‘local derby’ between ‘big rivals’ K’s and Sutton. Have we bollocks! What complete crap. The only people hyping this one up in that regard were those of a red & white hooped persuasion. A rivalry created from an abject inability to beat the U’s when 3 points are at stake. They’ve been acting like tossers now for a few seasons, us gifting them the title 2 seasons ago and their success at Wembley last year coupled with their position near the top of the table up here have made them frankly unbearable lately.
But despite our best efforts to explain that K’s largely mean bugger all to your average U’s fan (most would consider Carshalton or even Tooting as far bigger rivals), they were still going on and on about how wonderful they really are and how the likes of Man Utd pale into insignificance next to them. Sounds like a serious outbreak of Chelsea-itis to me. Still, we guess it means Woking are getting some peace & quiet now we’re here. So at least someone’s benefitting I guess.
“3 easy points” was the cry ringing round their forum in the run up to this game. Yeah right. In a total of 24 league meetings at GGL, the U’s have lost to this shite precisely twice, winning 15. Looking even closer, this means that the ‘mighty’ FA Trophy winners had a grand total of 1 win at our place in 25 years!! Add to this their appalling record against us at home as well and the phrase 3 ‘easy’ points rang kinda rings hollow to be honest.
Team wise, Howells has returned from injury for this one, with Sammy partnering Nko up front. No Clive Walker though in an Amber shirt, so that probably means he won’t be joining. He no doubt wanted more than the tenner a game we try and get away with paying everyone else. Sadly, we start the match slowly and get worse as the game goes on. K’s side knock the ball around confidently at pace, with plenty of movement whilst our own boys are struggling badly, with midfield being the main problem. Harlow’s passing is again bloody awful and all Harford is managing to do is giving away free-kicks early on.
On the plus side Sammy is running around like a loon again and Laker is having another stormer at the back, breaking up most of the K’s attacks with some sublime reading of the game and well timed interventions. Then just after quarter of an hour, a quick break by the visitors catches our back four a bit flat footed. Wingfield bursts into the box. We hold our breath as Laker tears across to try and prevent a shot on goal. Sadly all he does succeed in is diverting the ball from said shot between Howells and his near post. 0-1. Rats Cocks. A chorus of “you’re not very good” echoes from the smug tossers in the Securicor end. Aye lads, we’re so shite we had to score for you. Ahead, more quick attacks from the visitors keep our backline more than adequately occupied, whilst our total failure to get a grip in midfield sees us make little impact.
As time goes on, Nko suffers a gash to the head and is replaced up front by Watson. This does little to improve our already dour mood. Our best chance of the half comes just before the break however. A by now typical storming Sammy Winston run takes him to the byline. He pulls it back, sadly just behind the incoming Watson. But it’s perfect for the surging Jimmy Dack, whose shot unfortunately clears the Collingwood Terrace and almost the kiddies playground behind. If this had been a Saturday game, the casualties in there would have been unthinkable…..and if he’d been watching, it’d have had that Jannie De Beer bloke applauding in admiration.
So Half time and we’ve basically been shite. We can’t work out quite where the spark is going to come from and decide a dodgy last second equaliser off a defenders arse is thought to be the most likely method of snatching some reward from the game. Little did we know!! Bad news from elsewhere is that Welling are also 1 up. Shag it, that’s not good. Not good at all. We need a reaction here lads!
The second half starts and we’re playing no better sadly. Fortunately K’s players appear to have had a ‘See who can piss away the most goalscoring opportunities’ competition as they blow chance after chance. So of course, it’s down to us to again show ‘em how to do it. A low ball in from the flank from a blatantly offside Leworthy is diverted past Howells by Berry under mot much more than a bit of pressure from Wingfield. For christs sake lads! If they want to spend all night swinging the shovel at the cows arse, LET ‘EM GET ON WITH IT! We resign ourselves to the fact that K’s Sutton hoo doo appears well and truly dead at this point, especially given our efforts so far. But just 5 minutes later the we’re shown that there’s some mileage left in the old curse yet. Dacky picks up the ball around half way and surges forwards. With nowt better on, he has a poke and his low strike from the edge of the box strikes the foot of an advancing defender and loops over the helpless K’s keeper into the back of the net. Woo hoo!!!! I take a quick glance at the K’s end and wonder if they’re feeling a bit edgy yet. 20 minutes left lads, plenty of time to piss those points away.
The goal seems to finally spark us into life and we start to throw a bit more caution to the wind in attack. Harford has a shot blocked on the line, Harlow and Dack have shots blocked on the edge of the box and sub Scott Forrester sends a looping header a fraction over the bar, all whilst the visitors go into their shells. Then just as things are starting to look promising, an innocuous challenge from Forrester on Patterson brings a somewhat OTT reaction from the vastly experienced K’s man. Scotty’s having none of it and they end up getting into a proper tussle. The ref hasn’t got a scooby what’s really occurred and after a predictable melee involving several players from each side and a 5 minute consultation with both lino’s he dismisses the young U’s striker whilst Patterson goes totally unpunished. Where do they find these clowns? Naturally, much swearing is directed at the incompetent official.
Well, that’s it we think and settle back for the inevitable K’s onslaught now they’re a man as well as a goal up. It comes in fits and starts, but the visitors obviously have their competition to think about and go about frittering away at least half a dozen good chances to seal the deal. The best of the lot is a late 20 yard drive from Leworthy that spanks off Howells upright, by which point, Bob and myself have positioned ourselves by the Collingwood Rec gate to allow us rapid exit to the pub at the final whistle to ensure maximum sorrow drownage. We wince as Mr Leworthy’s effort cracks the woodwork. A glance at our watches reveals we’re 3 minutes over by our reckoning. Sigh, maybe the curse has been broken finally…..then as we turn our attention back to the pitch, Sammy goes on another of his mad dashes which results in a silly foul by a K’s defender right on the byeline about 5 yards from the corner flag. Last chance this then.
Harlow swings the ball into the near post and Sammy darts off his man and throws himself at it. Hey, is that in??? Because Bob and myself are at the far end, we can’t see precisely what’s happened, but the unmistakable movement of net followed by manic jumping up and down going on in the Securicor terrace confirm we’ve equalised right at the death. Get in Sam! Bob and I exchange a smug glance, high five and glance over to the Collingwood rec terrace . There stand about a hundred K’s fans looking on in disbelief and a lot less fucking chirpy than they were a minute ago. The last time I saw people looking that sick, they were German and sitting in the Nou Camp. I think you know what I’m talking about. K’s frantically kick off and try to grab an even more dramatic winner to prevent their fans ickle bubble of superiority being burst, but again all they manage to do is fuck up a couple of perfectly presentable chances that they manage to eek out. When the final whistle goes, it is greeted by a satisfied roar from the GGL throng. Bogey team status intact!
Naturally, Bob & I depart for the boozer a little happier than we’d expected to, sniggering like little kids as we go at the pig sick K’s fans wandering out around us. Tell you what, that was worth the entry fee alone. And that pint’s gonna taste a lot fucking sweeter too.
So hoopy ones, how’s the ‘easy 3 points’ then? Not so fucking great now are we. A point against a bottom 3 side with 10 men after being 2-0 up?? Haha! Bag of fucking shite lads. What makes it even funnier is the silly pretend rivalry that they so love to emphasise. It’s amusing seeing how pissed off they get when having hyped themselves up silly for this one, their overpaid little heroes fail to deliver.
Two words boys and girls.
Bogey team.
MAN OF THE MATCH : Sammy Winston. Ran his arse off again and got that goal.
ENTERTAINMENT : 5 for the match. 10 for the pissed off look on the K’s fans faces at Full Time
K’s BOGEY TEAM : Howells, Brooker, Mackie, Berry, Laker, Skelly, Harlow, Harford, Dack, Winston, Ekoku. SUBS : Rowlands, Watson, Forrester, Sears, Riley