Welcome Back To Reality


Att: 1422

Sutton United – 2    [Dack 69, Winston 90]

Kingstonian – 2     [O.G.16, O.G. 64]

We’d been waiting for this one. The so called ‘local derby’ between ‘big rivals’ K’s and Sutton.

Have we bollocks! What complete crap. The only people hyping this one up were those of a red & white hooped persuasion. A rivalry created from an abject inability to beat the U’s when 3 points are at stake. They’ve been acting like tossers now for a few seasons, us gifting them the title 2 seasons ago and their success at Wembley last year coupled with their position near the top of the table up here have made them frankly unbearable.

But despite our best efforts to explain that K’s mean bugger all to yer average U’s fan, they were still going on and on about how wonderful they really are and how Man Utd pale into insignificance next to them. Sounds like a serious outbreak of Chelsea-itis to me.

“3 easy points” was the cry ringing round their chat page in the run up to this game. Yeah right! In a total of 24 league meetings at GGL, the U’s have lost TWICE, winning 15. The ‘mighty’ FA Trophy winners had a grand total of 1 win at our place in 25 YEARS!! Add to this their appalling record against us at home as well and the phrase 3 ‘easy’ points rang kinda hollow to me!!! Needless to say, the smug ones got their come uppance.

Howells returned from injury, with Sammy partnering Nko up front. No Clive Walker though. (Probably wanted more than the tenner a game we try and get away with paying everyone else….) We start slowly and get worse as the game goes on. K’s side knock the ball around confidently, with plenty of pacy movement. Our own boys are struggling badly, with midfield being the main problem. Harlow’s passing is again bloody awful and all Harford is doing is giving away free-kicks. On the plus side Sammy is running around like a loon again and Laker is having another stormer, breaking up most of the K’s attacks. Then just after quarter of an hour, a quick break by the visitors catches our back four a bit flat footed. Wingfield bursts into the box. We hold our breath as Laker tears across to try and prevent a certain goal. Sadly all he does is succeed in diverting the ball between Howells and his ner post. Rats Cocks. The chorus of “you’re not very good” echo’s from the smug tossers in the Securicor end. Yeah we’re so shite, we had to score for you! More quick attacks from the visitors keep our backline more than adequately occupied, whilst our total failure to get a grip in midfield sees us make little impact.

Nko suffers a gash to the head and is replaced by Watson. This does little to improve our already dour mood. Our best chance of the half comes just before the break. A by now typical storming Sammy Winston run takes him to the byline. He pulls it back, sadly just behind the incoming Watson. But it’s perfect for the surging Jimmy dack, whose shot unfortunately clears the Collingwood Terrace and almost the kiddies playground behind. If this had been a saturday game, the casualties in there would have been unthinkable…..And if he’d been watching, it’d have had that Jannie De Beer bloke applauding in admiration.

So Half time and we’re playing shite. We can’t work out quite where the spark is going to come from and decide a dodgy last second equaliser off a defenders arse is the preferred method of snatching some reward from the game. Little did we know!! Bad news is that Welling are 1 up. Shag, that’s not good…..

The second half starts and we’re playing no better. Fortunately K’s players appear to have had a ‘See who can piss away the most goalscoring opportunities’ sweepstake as they blow chance after chance. So it’s down to us to agin show ‘em how to do it. A low ball in from the flank from a blatantly offside Leworthy is diverted past Howells by Berry under a bit of pressure from Wingfield. For christs sake lads! If they want to spend all night swinging the shovel at the cows arse, LET ‘EM GET ON WITH IT!!!!! We resign ourselves to the fact that K’s Sutton hoo doo appears dead. But just 5 minutes later the we’re shown that there’s some milage left in the old curse yet. Dacky picks up the ball around half way and surges forwards. His low strike from the edge of the box strikes the foot of an advancing defender and loops over the helpless K’s keeper. Woo hoo!!!! I take a quick glance at the K’s end and wonder if they’re feeling a bit edgy yet. 20 minutes left lads, plenty of time to piss those points away!

The goal seems to lift us and we start to throw caution to the wind. Harford has a shot blocked on the line, Harlow and Dack have shots blocked on the edge of the box and sub, Scott Forrester sends a looping header a fraction over the bar. Then just as it’s starting to look promising, an innocuous challenge from Forrester on Patterson brings a rash reaction. Scotty’s having none of it and twats the K’s midfielder. The ref has’nt got a scooby what’s really happened and after a melee involving several players from each side, a 5 minute consultation with BOTH lino’s he dismisses the young U’s striker and Patterson goes totally unpunished. Much swearing is directed at the incompetent official.

Well, that’s it we think and settle back for the inevitable K’s onslaught. It comes in fits and starts, but the visitors obviously have their sweepstake to think about and go about frittering away at least half a dozen good chances. The best of the lot is a 20 yard drive from Leworthy that spanks off Howells upright. By now Bob and myself are positioned by the Collingwood gate to allow us rapid exit to the pub. We wince as Mr Leworthy’s effort cracks the woodwork. A glance at our watches reveals we’re 3 minutes over. Sigh, maybe the curse has been broken…..Then Sammy goes on another of his mad dashes which results in a needless foul by a K’s defender right on the byline about 5 yards from the corner flag. Last chance then.

Harlow swings the ball into the near post and Sammy throws himself at it. Hey, is that in??? Because Bob and myself are at the far end, we can’t see exactly what’s happened, but the manic jumping up and down going on in the Securicor terrace confirm we’ve equalised! Bob and I exchange a smug glance, high five and glance over to the Collingwood. There stand about a hundred K’s fans looking on in disbelief. The last time I saw people looking that sick, they were German and sitting in the Nou Camp. I think you know what I’m talking about. K’s frantically try to grab a dramatic winner and thus prevent their fans ickle bubble of superiority being burst. But again all they manage to do is fuck up a couple of perfectly good chances. The final whistle is greeted by a satisfied roar fron the GGL throng. The jinx has struck again!

Bob & I depart for the boozer a little happier than we’d expected, sniggering like little kids at the pig sick K’s fans wandering out with us. Tell you what, that was worth the entry fee alone.

So hoopy ones, the curse appears to be alive and well! Not so fucking great now are we? A point against a bottom 3 side after being 2-0 up?? HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Bag of Shite! What makes it even funnier is the silly pretend rivalry that they so love to emphasise. It’s great seeing how pissed off they get when having hyped themselves up silly for this, their overpaid little heroes fail to deliver.

Two words boys and girls, just two words….


MAN OF THE MATCH : Sammy Winston. Ran his arse off again and got that goal!!!

ENTERTAINMENT : 5 for the match. 10 for the pissed off look on the K’s fans faces……..

K’s BOGEY TEAM : Howells, Brooker, Mackie, Berry, Laker, Skelly, Harlow, Harford, Dack, Winston, Ekoku.  SUBS : Rowlands, Watson, Forrester, Sears, Riley

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