Think I Preferred Purfleet…


Att: 431


THURROCK – 3    [Akurang 4. Linger 36. Lee 38]

Match Reporter: Gareth

With everyone’s favourite webmaster (Yeah right! – Taz) away shagging in Austria for the week, I’m afraid I was volunteered to do this report and it certainly wasn’t  quite as good a match as the last time I was roped in, for our two nil win at Hendon last season.

In fact, it was completely the opposite, and to say it was an early season contender for Gandermonium’s “Army Cross di Italiano” award would be generous (oooh, that bad eh? Austria was lovely! – Taz). In fact, if it doesn’t win the award, I will be very very angry at having to watch another even worse 90 minutes of utter shite in the future.

Sorry! Harsh, but fair.

The night started out badly, with both myself and Bob having nightmares at work meaning there was to be no pre-match beverage in the Robin Hood. Meeting Chalmers in the ground, we ambled up to the Collingwood end for kick-off. It wasn’t too long after we had arrived at our destination for the next 45 minutes that we went one down, Akurang heading a near post corner past Andy Iga after only 4 minutes. Bugger.

We didn’t really get going at all and it took a cracking save by Iga in the 12th minute to prevent us going further behind after Ryan Palmer had been out-muscled.

We finally had our first real chance of any note in the 19th minute. Nick Bailey received the ball out on the left and put in a hard and low cross-shot that one of their blokes managed to divert out for a corner. Bailey himself floated the corner superbly onto Danny Hodges bonce no more than five yards out and it looked like we would almost certainly be equalising, but somehow his downward header bounced and went up over the bar. Bollocks.

There was a bit of pinball in our own box in the 25th minute after Iga had been challenged harshly, with the ball spilling out and being rifled towards the goal, but somehow Danny Hodges on the goal line managed to get enough on it to divert it onto the post and away.

It was only to be a short reprieve though as the U’s somehow committed suicide in the run-up to half time. In the 36th minute, a long throw was flicked on for Linger to have a simple tap-in to make it two nil, and in the 38th minute, from a Sutton corner, Kris Lee was allowed to break free and slot past Andy. Nice finish mate, but spelling your name with a K just reminds me of that tosser Nikki Bull. Change it, or I will forever and a day think you are a twat.

So that was the first half then. Fantastic – alcohol was definitely on the agenda at half time as I don’t think any of us could bear another 45 minutes of pure drubbing sober, so it was off the bar at half time.

Now please don’t get me wrong now, but after 90 minutes on Saturday and 45 minutes today where we have conceded 5 and scored a grand total of zero goals, I would have thought there might have been a slight case for bringing a substitute on. We weren’t creating any chances and, to be perfectly honest although perhaps a little blunt, the 11 players we had out there just didn’t look up for it. I apologise if I am wrong, but is it any wonder crowds are noticeably falling when we are asked to pay 8 quid to watch very little in the way of entertainment? Rant over.

The second half proved to be marginally more entertaining with Sutton playing better football but finding it difficult to break down a stubborn Thurrock defence. In the 55th minute Matt Hanlan went down in the area but no decision came from the referee. Matt Gray took the resulting throw-in and found Nick Bailey, who put in a great cross for Rob Collins. Unfortunately, Rob just fired the ball wide of the post.

With 67 gone, Bailey put in another excellent ball that found Matt Gray in the centre, but Gray was extremely unlucky after seeing his volley pushed round the post by the impressive Gothard. Then, after 75 minutes, a training ground free kick manoeuvre saw Bailey fire just over the bar from 30 yards out.

The only other incident of note was Scott Corbett’s sending off for a second bookable offence with 78 minutes gone, and he became the first Sutton player to be sent off since November 2001.

Thankfully the ref blew the final whistle and put an end to the drubbing so we went to the Robin Hood to dwell on the evening’s drubbing over a few much needed beers.

Thank god for alcohol.

MAN OF THE MATCH : Us lot for turning up!

ENTERTAINMENT : Being generous, 2 ‘cos we got to the pub afterwards at a reasonable time.

TEAM : Iga, Gray, Akuamoah, Palmer, Gonsalves, Bailey, Honey, Corbett, Collins, Hanlan, Hodges.

SUBS : Bolt, Hamlin, Brooker.

The referee’s a……….No real complaints for once. Shame about our own performance

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *