Three into Twenty One

RYMAN PREMIER DIVISION

Att: 553



SUTTON UNITED – 1  [Boothe p57]

ST ALBANS CITY – 1  [Nabil 7]

And so it continues. Sutton’s incredibly crap start to the season is now firmly on track. Seven games played, no wins. Only 3 points won out of an available 21. Bag of shite.

The terrible record could probably be swallowed by your average U’s fan if we were missing a number of players, or were at least playing well and not getting the run of luck. But we’re currently unable to use either of these excuses. The side simply just isn’t performing and certain people need to get their fingers out and get it sorted QUICK. All I can say is that JR is bloody lucky he’s got such a soft-arsed board. Any other manager would have been on his bike long ago. All I can say is, let’s hope if it does come down to that, they don’t follow the path they did in 1990 with Keith Blunt.

The U’s were in for a tough afternoon as the ‘Saints’ had won their last 3 matches on the spin. The side is still missing Timothy and Corbett and it appears that Matt Fowler has joined that group. He’s replaced not by Jon Palmer, but Jade Murray, a stocky striker on loan from Leyton Orient. Lets hope he’s good eh?

We’ve hardly settled down at the Collingwood end before our defence goes walkies. We fail to prevent an attack down our left flank and a low ball is fired into the box. The first forward steps over it and Youness Nabil strokes the ball past the exposed Martini with not a U’s defender in sight. 7 minutes lads. Nice one. Looks like a rout could be on the cards?

Strangely, the early goal doesn’t seem to lift the visitors and they proceed to have pretty much the run of things but without creating any further worthwhile efforts on goal. Our own performance could only be described as pitiful. Our workrate and effort is almost non-existant with only Paul Honey doing any kind of graft. Playing like this, any reasonable side would have run riot. But St Albans plod along not doing much in particular. Looks like our piss poor brand of whatever it’s meant to be (I won’t use the word ‘football’. This was nowhere near it) is contagious.

The U’s best chance of drawing level falls to Rob Haworth. Akumouah collects the ball on the right and goes for the box. His final shot is weak due to the attentions of a defender and the ball bobbles accross the 6 yard box to a surprised Murray. He can only stick out a foot to divert the ball goalwards. Wilmot in the Saints goal reacts and manages to fumble the ball away. Murray chases after, gathers and plays it  back accross the box for Haworth who from 8 yards out blazes over the bar. Arse.

And so ends one of the most incredibly awful 45 minutes of nothingness I’ve seen in years.

The U’s are out onto the field well after their opponents for the 2nd half. Probably the result of JR’s latest attempt on the ‘Biggest Bollocking Ever’ world record. It seems to have had some effect as Sutton do seem a teensy weensy bit more interested in proceedings, which lets be honest after the first half, wasn’t exactly hard.

The visitors can’t seem to get going and the U’s slowly start to carve out chances. Chris Boothe delivers one cross deep from our side which finds Jon Palmer storming in at the back post, but his header flies just wide of the far upright. Mison has a powerful downward header pushed over the bar by the ‘keeper. Then another good run by Akumouah puts him into the box. His shot is blocked but drops to Murray, unfortunately his effort lacks any serious venom and is headed off the line. It drops just inside the box to Ryan Palmer who collects and knocks it past the challenging defender who clatters into him. Penalty!

Skipper Chris Boothe, who had collected a bang on the bonce a couple of minutes before and seemingly still a bit groggy, steps up to take it. He hits it low to Wilmot’s right and it cannons off the base of the post and settles in the far bottom corner. Thank christ for that!!

The cumbersome Arkwright is subbed for Damien Panter (remember him??)and he makes a bit of progress down the right flank. Unfortunately more chances are wasted, the best of which is Murray getting up well for a good Panter cross, only to head wide of the back post.

St Albans finally wake up and respond with a late attack that sees the ball zip just past Chuck’s far upright.

Thankfully, the ordeal is soon at an end. I make no excuses, this was quite possibly one of the most depressingly awful games I’ve seen in donkeys. Sutton were, at best, poor. But it has to be said that St Albans weren’t fantastic either.

MAN OF THE MATCH :  Paul Honey. Only man in a Sutton shirt to do fuck all in the 1st half.

ENTERTAINMENT : 1. Thank god that’s over.

TEAM : Martini, Brooker, Honey, Mison, Arkwright, Akumoah, R Palmer, Boothe, Murray, Haworth, J Palmer. SUBS : Aligheri, Panter, Taylor

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