It has been brought to our attention that whilst many of our readers thoroughly enjoy all the nonsense and tales of joy we bring you from our little corner of West Sutton, there's a few things we say or describe in the blogs that are, to be frank, a complete fucking mystery to a lot of you.

So, being the friendly helpful types that we are, we've put together a Glossary of terms & sayings you'll regularly find popping up in most of the tosh we put out. We hope this helps make things a tad clearer for those of you not fortunate enough to reside in the People's Republic and experience this whirlwind of absolute horseshit first hand....


3G - Short for third generation, the third generation of wireless mobile telecommunications technology, albeit not available on Belly's Phone. Also a term used to refer to a revolutionary form of artificial grass playing surfaces and utilised in FIFA\UEFA Qualifiers, the Champions League and numerous leagues throughout the world, but not in the Football League.

4 Days - Bearded Welsh Nationalist & Gandermonium Travel member. So named for the length of time he went without taking a dump on a trip to Serbia.
See Also: Immortal

5 - The number of times Sutton United have won the Isthmian Premier Division Championship.

13 - The number of points Ebbsfleet United were ahead of Sutton United before electing to ebbsfleet it and concede the Conference South championship.
See Also: (1)Ebbsfleet, To. (2)Viva Las Vegas.

15 - The number of times Sutton United have won the Surrey Senior Cup. Dukey is still eagerly awaiting number 16, which would tie with current record holders Dulwich Hamlet. And given the recent jump in status of the club, we think he'll be waiting a while.
See Also: Surrey Senior Cup.

26 - The number of games Sutton United went unbeaten in 2015/16, causing Ebbsfleet United to completely lose their nerve and subsequently ebbsfleet the title.
See Also: (1)Ebbsfleet, To. (2)Viva Las Vegas. (3)13.


AFC Wimbledon - Famous fans run club with friends in high places whose first game was hosted at Gander Green Lane after their previous incarnation somewhat inconsiderately fucked off to Milton Keynes. Well remembered in PRoWS due to their kind donation of 300 'bags of sand' following an FA Cup 3rd Round tie replay in January 2017.
See Also: (1)Bags of Sand. (2)FA Cup, The.

Against Sober Football - A campaign that we here at Ganermonium are completely in support of. And if you'd been to fucking Harrow midweek in January about 12 years running, you would be too.

Anglo-Italian Cup, The - A short lived competition in the latter half of the 1970's that pitted pissed up English lads masquerading as semi-professional footballers against mainly professional Italian Serie C clubs. Sutton United were unsurprisingly the only English winners during this phase of it's existence, defeating Chieti in 1979.

Angry Birds - A popular video game found on many modern mobile telephones and also the term used to discreetly describe that you are going for a shit. This terminology came into use after Taz revealed he mainly played said game on his phone whilst sitting on the throne. Eg. "Where's Taz?" "Oh, he's gone for a game of Angry Birds"

Arsenal - Mildly popular professional football club based in North London. Best known for their lucky win over Sutton United in the FA Cup not too long ago.
See Also: FA Cup, The

August 1962 - The last time the Bobbins won a league game at GGL. And given that we've not been in the same league as them for a while now, a run that is likely to continue for some time.
See Also: (1)Bobbins, The. (2)Carshalton Athletic. (3)Scummers.

Away Day - An excuse for supporters of Sutton United to consume too much alcohol whilst travelling to some god forsaken corner of the country under the premise of watching a largely terrible standard of football.


B-Team, The - A term used to refer to another regular group of travelling U's fans who have a predeliction for £8 a night B&B's and pissing in Fabric Softener bottles.

Baby Squad - A lighthearted term used to describe any group of younger supporters at GGL by the older farts amongst us.
See Also: (1)Yoof, The. (2)Notorious Yoof Faction.

Back on the Shoebox Terrace Again - Wildly popular folk track by renowned artiste Comrade X, released to celebrate the U's epic FA cup run of 2016/17. Also known as "That fucking song" due to its massive over exposure around that time. Currently can be heard over the PA at GGL as the teams emerge from the tunnel prior to kick off.

Bag of Sand - Cockney Rhyming slang referring to the monetary sum of 1000. Eg. "30 fucking bags a week on wages and they still Ebbsfleeted the title!"

Barrie Williams - Pipe smoking, poetry quoting English Literature teacher. And also one of the most successful managers in the history of the club. Masterminded the Anglo Italian Cup win, a Wembley final in 1981, back to back Isthmian titles, our first win over Football League opposition and of course that famous victory over Coventry in 1989. Sadly passed away in late April 2018.
See also: (1)Anglo-Italian Cup, The. (2)Coventry.

Barrow - Somewhere millions of fucking miles away from Sutton and home to a National League club of the same name. Easily located on any map due to its usual proximity to the phrase 'Here be Dragons'.

Bath - Beautiful old city in the South West of England dating from Roman times. Also the location of a shitload of pubs and somewhere where Sutton United FC have not lost, nor its supporters remained sober in almost as long.

Belly's Phone - An aged mobile telephonic device that is so old it even has 'MySpace' available as an option under 'Social Media'. Also used as a way of describing something that is somewhat out of date. Eg. "I think you'll find that info is as old as Belly's Phone mate".
See Also: Dr Bell

Bobbins, The - Nickname given to erstwhile neighbours and rivals Carshalton Athletic. From old Northern rhyming slang 'Bobbins of Cotton' meaning 'Rotten'. Eg. "This lot are fucking Bobbins".
See Also: (1)Scummers. (2)Carshalton Athletic. (3)Bobbins, The.

Bollocks - A popular and extremely versatile minor profanity used here in the UK. Also commonly used to describe the content of this here blog.

Borehamwood - A place north of London on the way to St Albans where Eastenders is filmed. Also contains a train station.
See Also: Borehamwood Incident, The.

Borehamwood Incident, The - An unfortunate episode where a large group of Sutton United supporters were held hostage by the utter shitshow run by a bunch of fucking charlatans known as Thameslink, meaning a journey home that should have taken 70minutes in fact took around 5 hours. Much compo was paid out after a massive claim up once the hostages were freed.
See also: (1)Thameslink. (2)Borehamwood

Bornatotter - Gandermonium contributor, 1970's expert, turnstile officionado and closest thing we have to adult supervision around here. Which is really saying something.
See also: (1)Comrade X. (2)Chairman Totts.

Boxing Day Massacre - The cheery moniker given to the events of 26th December 2003, when the Bobbins came to GGL 2nd in the league and were presented their arses on a silver platter as the currently mid-table hosts ran out 6-0 winners. Full details can be found HERE
See Also: (1)T-Shirts (2)Scummers. (3)Carshalton Athletic. (4)Bobbins, The.

Bruce - A commonly used forename in Australia. Also the less formal term for Mr Bruce Elliott, chairman of Sutton United FC and right hand man of Paul Doswell.
See also: Elliott, Mr Bruce.

BT Pete - Chelsea supporter and now also GGL regular, formerly employed by British Telecom, although it is not known if this has any relation to his nickname or not.

Burgers - Lego obsessed small bloke, rumoured to be the worst jockey in horse racing history. Collector of Sutton United DVD and Videos. Occasional member of Gandermonium Travel.


Carshalton Athletic - Very near neighbours and our closest rivals. More commonly known by other epithets amongst the U's faithful.
See Also: (1)Scummers. (2)Bobbins, The.

Chairman Totts - Revolutionary Leader, benevolent dictator and President for Life of the People's Republic of West Sutton. Commonly found smoking a big Lah-de-dah on the the Shoebox.
See Also: (1)Comrade X. (2)Bornatotter

Chelmsford - Home of Chelmsford City FC and a decent away day piss up with many welcoming hostelries surrounding the station. Shame the ground is so grim it would make most Eastern European football fans wince.
See also: Chelmsford, Battle of.

Chelmsford, Battle of - A feirce post match confrontation that would surely have lead to bloodshed had the antagonists not evaporated in a flash of Reebok Classic created dust the moment a gate separating them from the the antagonised parties was opened.

COC - Acronym which stands for 'Cash Out Crew',  a moniker used to describe a bunch of older reprobates who follow Sutton home and away, like a gamble, but never quite have the nerve to see it through to the very end of the contest.

Coldsore - The nickname given to Colston Avenue on which the War Memorial Ground, the home of the Bobbins, sits.
See Also: (1)Scummers. (2)Carshalton Athletic. (3)Bobbins, The. (4) Colston Avenue

Colston Avenue - The correct name of the road on which the home of the Bobbins sits.
See Also: (1)Scummers. (2)Carshalton Athletic. (3)Bobbins, The. (4) Coldsore

Comrade X - Wildly popular folk\pop singer in the People's Republic of West Sutton.
See Also: Totts. Chairman Totts.

Conference, GM Vauxhall - Term which a lot of people still use to refer to the Vanarama National League a good 25 years after they stopped sponsoring it.
See Also: (1)Vanarama (2)National League

Coventry - Dull town in the midlands of England, heavily bombed by the Luftwaffe in World War Two and also home to 1987 FA Cup winners Coventry City FC who were humiliated in the tournament at Sutton United FC back in 1989, leading to the widespread popularisation of said competition.
See also: FA Cup, The.

Crockett - Sometime member of Gandermonium Travel, QPR fan and trainspotter.


DBDC - Popular acronym used to describe Dirty Barry's Dogging Circle.
See also: Dirty Barry's Dogging Circle.

Deacon, Roarie - One time member of this parish and former Arsenal junior, now residing in Dundee.

DILFS, Cheam Park - A selection of fathers who are, allegedly, rather appealing to members of the opposite sex. At least, that's what they told us anyway. Also rumoured to operate a shadowy gambling syndicate involving playing cards from the Shoebox on match days.

Dippy, More Managers than - A term used to describe a football club which is somewhat profilgate with the hiring and firing of first team managers. EG. "Fucking hell, Eastleigh have had more managers than Dippy!". So named after the somewhat trigger happy Paul 'Dippy' Dipre, the owner of Carshalton Athletic FC who has fired about 124 managers (including himself!) in his tenure at the club.
See also: (1)Dipre, Paul. (2)Scummers. (3)Carshalton Athletic. (4)Bobbins, The. 

Dipre, Paul - A gentleman who owns Carshalton Athletic FC and despite apparently working for\owning a communications company, has the basic people skills of Jabba the Hutt. Having changed their colours, badge and banned most of their fanbase, he naturally is remarkably popular as a figure of fun in the People's Republic of West Sutton. Also has a penchant for writing P45's.
See Also: Dippy, More Managers than.

Dirty Barry - A gentleman known to engage in dubious 'adult' leisure pursuits when not occupying the Shoebox on matchdays at GGL and President of the PRoWS #1 Adult Leisure Society.
See Also: (1)DBDC. (2)Dirty Barry's Dogging Circle.

Dirty Barry's Dogging Circle - A group of individuals who engage in dubious 'adult' leisure pursuits in car parks around the area. Organised by Dirty Barry.
See Also: (1)DBDC. (2). Dirty Barry. (3)DILFS, Cheam Park.

Dos - Nickname of Paul Doswell, manager of Sutton United since 2009.
See Also: Doswell, Paul.

Doswell, Paul - Wealthy property developer and manager of Sutton United since 2009. Winner of Isthmian and National South league titles with the club, as well as helping to finance many improvements to GGL including the 3G playing surface.
See also: (1)Dos.(2)GGL. (3)3G.

Dr Bell - Gandermonium travel member and erstwhile Nuclear physicist, who came to prominence with his genius plan of resolving the Fukushima Nuclear disaster by "Putting it in water". Owner of the oldest mobile telephonic device outside of even the remotest parts of the 3rd World.
See Also: Belly's Phone

Duke of Hassocks, The - Title briefly bestowed upon The Duke of Sutton following his overnight stay on the platform at Hassocks station as a result of the St Albans Incident.
See Also: (1)St Albans Incident, The. (2)Dukey. (3)Duke of Sutton, The.

Duke of Sutton, The - Flat cap wearer, Gandermonium contributor, 1980's aftershave collector, pornography officionado and the worlds richest Dustman.
See Also: (1)Dukey. (2)Duke of Hassocks, The.

Dukey - The name most commonly used to refer to the infamous Gandermonium contributor, travel member & Surrey Senior Cup addict.
See Also: (1) Duke of Sutton, The. (2) Duke of Hassocks, The.

Dundas, Craig - The DJ. The big man. The Bajan Baggio. The Carribean Curly Toe. Amassed 502 games and 107 goals for the club in 2 spells before 'retiring' to Hampton & Richmond. Club legend and a proper Non-League footballer. Also a a jolly nice chap to boot.
See Also: Dundo. 

Dundo - He's gonna get ya! Affectionate nickname given to club legend and fitness coach, Craig Dundas. Criminally denied the prestigious Ballon D'Or award on numerous occasions in recent years due to a conspiracy involving a short Argentinian man and a rather well manicured Portugese chap.
See Also: Dundas, Craig.


Eastleigh List, The - The name given to a list being compiled by Taz of locations he swears he's never ever going to again due to them being shit places for an away day and somewhere we almost never ever win. Which is precisely why it's named after Eastleigh.

Ebbsfleet, To - To somehow fashion defeat from a seemingly unassailable position of strength. Eg. "Fuck a Duck, they've properly ebsfleeted that!". A phrase that came into common usage in 2015/16 after Ebbsfleet United FC shat a 13pt lead in the National League South to lose the title to everyone's preferred winners, Sutton United FC.
See Also: (1)13. (2)Ebbsfleet United. (3)Gravesend & Northfleet. (4)Viva Las Vegas

Ebbsfleet United - A well funded football team in Kent named after a railway station with a very large car park. Also serial chokers.
See Also: (1)Ebbsfleet, To. (2)Gravesend & Northfleet. (3)13.

EIC - Editor in Chief. The unofficial title given to Taz, who runs this fucking circus, by the rest of the Gandermonium contributors. Sort of.
See also: Taz.

El Plastico - A tongue in cheek term given to the meetings between Sutton United and Maidstone United in recent seasons, owing to the fact that both clubs utilise state of the art artificial playing surfaces.
See Also: 3G.

Elliott, Mr Bruce - Chairman of Sutton United FC and right hand man of Paul Doswell.
See also: Bruce.


FA Cup, The - National knockout football competition made famous the world over by Sutton United FC beating 1st Division Coventry City in the 3rd round in 1989.
See Also: (1)Coventry. (2)Arsenal. (3)AFC Wimbledon. (4)FA, The.

FA, The - Bunch of old farts in blazers that the game of Association Football still exists and somehow runs in spite of their best efforts to keep it firmly rooted at some point in the early 1950's.
See Also: (1)FA Cup, The. (2)FA Trophy, The.

FA Trophy, The - The premier national knockout competition for clubs playing in Steps 1–4 of the National League System. Never won by Sutton United FC.
See Also: FA, The

Firm Leader, The - An alternative term used entirely by Dukey (and no one else) to refer to Gandermonium travel member, Nick the Greek.
Seed Also: (1)Nick the Greek. (2)Dukey.

First Man - What a lot of our crosses and set pieces delivered from wide areas seem unerringly attracted to.

Football League, The - The worlds first and oldest organised football league, which was obviously so roundly unknown in the rest of the world in the 120 or so years since formation that they felt it crucial to add the word 'English' to their name so as to have a seriously recognisable brand. A group so out of touch with the modern game, they make even the FA look positively grounded in reality.
See Also: (1)3G. (2)FA, The.

Fuck - A rude word we use occasionally. Normally only when provoked.

Fuckin' Ada - Title of a song by popular recording artistes Ian Dury and the Blockheads. Also an old PRoWS saying used to exclaim frustration or disappointment. Eg. "Fuckin' Ada, how have we let that useless twat score?"

Fuck a Duck - An old PRoWS saying used to exclaim surprise or astonishment. Eg. "Fuck a Duck! Dukey's actually getting a round in!"


Gander Green Lane - The beautiful processional avenue on which the Borough Sports Ground, home of Sutton United FC sits.
See Also: (1)GGL. (2)Knights Community Stadium. (3)KCS.

Gandermonium - Short lived one issue Sutton United fanzine from the late 80's. Also the name of this blog. The two are not connected in any way, Taz just nicked the title. It's ok, he got permission. Sort of.*

*Several years later.

GGL - The more common term by which Gander Green Lane is known.
See Also: (1)Gander Green Lane. (2)Knights Community Stadium. (3)KCS.

Ginger Suite - The term used to describe a room in a hotel or B&B occupied by both Taz and Dr Bell on a Gandermonium weekender.
See Also: (1)Taz. (2)Dr Bell.

Gravesend & Northfleet - The original and correct name for a football team in Kent now named after a railway station with a very large car park.
See Also: (1)Ebbsfleet United. (2)Ebbsfleet, To.


Harrow Borough - Dull & sparsely supported West London suburban club who have never left the Isthmian Premier, even after winning it. Usually visited midweek in January. Also prone to heavily watering pitches when not required to do so, thus wasting everyone's fucking time.

Hawkes, Chesney - One hit wonder who had a #1 single in 1991 with the song "The One and Only". Mentioned here more as a warning because Robbo is a massive fan and continually plays said fucking song at least twice a week at home games on the jukebox. Sorry about that.
See Also: Robbo

Home Games - Something to be endured whilst you wait for the next Awayday.


Immortal - The sense of wellbeing felt by those who travelled to Serbia on a Gandermonium football and beer weekender and managed not to die in any number of ways.

Indiana Jones - Fedora wearing Gandermonium travel member. Offspring and bodyguard of Sean Connery's Stuntman.
See Also: Sean Connery's Stunt Man

Irish Pete - He's Irish, he's called Pete, he's Irish Pete. Irregular supporter and sometime awayday crew member.

Irn Bru Cup, The - Also known as the 'Scottish Challenge Cup'. As this suggests, it is an association football competition for the lesser lights of Scottish football. And Irish. And Welsh. And Northern Irish. Oh and English. Which is why we seemingly wound up involved in this madness. Good fun though!

Isthmian League - Predominantly South East based football league Sutton United have played in the longest during their history and one they hope never to play in again. Certainly in our lifetimes anyway.
See Also: (1)5. (2)Harrow Borough


JC - Our skipper and consumate athlete. Jamie Collins.

Justice! - A term that can ocassionally be heard emanating loudly from the mouth of Dukey when something actually goes our way on the field of play.
See Also: (1)Dukey. (2)Duke of Sutton, The.


KCS - Acronym used by no one to refer to the Knights Community Stadium.
See also: (1)GGL. (2)Gander Green Lane. (3)Knights Community Stadium

Kingstonian - Football club once of the town of Kingston but now based with the considerably more palatable & local-to-Kingston Corinthian Casuals following a brief spell stuck some miles away in Leatherhead after they 'lost' their ground due to massive mis-management on their part leaving them open to an asset stripper who then flogged said ground to a reformed AFC Wimbledon. Also apparently deadly rivals of ours, despite no one in the London Borough of Sutton remembering them ever being so.
See Also: AFC Wimbledon.

Knights Community Stadium - The name currently given to The Borough Sports Ground, Gander Green Lane after a company gave us lots of money for the purpose. Only used by the club and the occasional oddball on the forum.
See also: (1)GGL. (2)Gander Green Lane. (3)KCS.


Lah-de-Dah - Cockney Ryhming slang for a Cigar. Commonly seen hanging out of Chairman Totts mouth on the Shoebox on special occasions.
See Also: (1)Shoebox. (2)Chairman Totts.

Later than Thameslink - A term used to describe something that is not running according to schedule or is poorly timed. Eg. "Fucking hell ref, that was later than Thameslink!".
See also: (1)Thameslink. (2)Borehamwood Incident, The.

Leeds United - Nationally popular football club from Yorkshire that put out their reserves in a live televised 4th Round FA Cup tie at Sutton United and got fucking beat.
See Also: FA Cup, The.

Loffers - A girl (yes, we DO know some of those thank you!) and sometime Gandermonium Travel member.

London Borough of Sutton - A London borough in South West London and forms part of Outer London. It covers an area of 43 square km and is the 80th largest local authority in England by population. Also home to Sutton United FC and the Bobbins and is where the People's Republic of West Sutton can be found.
See Also: (1)Sutton United FC. (2)Bobbins, The. (3)People's Republic of West Sutton, The.


Magnum PI - Private investigator (obviously!) and occasional member of the Gandermonium travel club, mostly when he's not playing Cricket or on a stakeout somewhere trying to track down some undesirable. Available at very reasonable rates of £100+VAT. Doesn't have a Ferrari. Or a moustache.

Melvilles - A company providing taxi services found at the top end of the town of Sutton, South London. The most popular venue for obtaining a sherbet after stumbling out of O'Niells at 2am.
See Also: Sherbert Dab.

Mumford & Sons - A popular faux-folk music act from the Wimbledon area. Also a tongue in cheek term used to refer to 'popular' South London Non-League club Dulwich Hamlet on account of their recently acquired and somewhat beardy, left-wing, hipster following.


National League, The - A league encompassing the top 2 tiers of Non-League football in England. See Also: (1)Vanarama. (2)Conference, GM Vauxhall. (3)Non-League.

Nigels - A light hearted term used to describe South London's dullest club, Crystal Palace. Eg. "I see the Nigels lost again, how many's that now?". We understand this term is also used for them by members of the Millwall fraternity, this is purely coincidental. We genuinely did both just think up the same dull name to use in reference to them.

Non-League - The term used in England to describe the football competitions not involving the top 4 divisions. Also the level of football at which Sutton United currently plays.

Non-League Day - A slightly patronising, but well meaning date in the footballing calendar where Premier League 'fans' are encouraged to go and watch shite football as their stuff is being interrupted by yet another round of pointless International Friendlies.

Notorious Youth Faction - The name given to the younger, vocal 'element' of the U's support base. All stickers, cheap lager and pyro this lot.


Orient, Leyton - Middling East London football club that has spend the majority of its existance in the lower echelons of the Football League and following after a couple of years mismanagement by a mad Italian owner suddenly found themselves slumming it with us Non-Leaguers. Of course, like all those before them, they're far too big for this level, won't be stopping long and absolutely fucking hate it when your insignificant outfit beats them. 


People's Republic of West Sutton, The - A benevolent dictatorship which rose up and won it's freedom, overthrowing the evil & shadowy powers controlling the region from the Sutton Civic Centre. A true image of paradise, currently governed by Chairman Totts.
See Also: (1)PRoWS. (2)Chairman Totts.

Pete the Perv - Gandermonium Travel member and sometime organiser. Not really a Perv if we're honest. He's definitely called Pete though.

Piegate - One of the greatest scandals of the 21st century, which widely featured on the front page of numerous UK tabloids in the aftermath of a fat lad eating a pastie on the bench during the Arsenal FA Cup tie. The big deal being an online betting company sponsoring our shirts for that particular occasion were offering odds of 8/1 that said fat lad would do exactly that, breaking a number of FA rules relating to player\staff involvement in betting. Said charges brought for the offence took the FA precisely one year to resolve. Very timely. Also, to our eternal delight, now the main thing anyone ever remembers 120 year old football club Sutton United FC for.
See Also: (1)FA Cup, The. (2)Arsenal. (3)Shaw, Wayne.

Pink Lint - Cockey rhyming slang for 'Skint'. As in no money. Many Non-League clubs could fall under this particular description.

Plough, The - Until recently, a much maligned public house situated opposite the Borough Sports ground on Gander Green Lane. Now seemingly closed forever after a very brief resurrection. Will no doubt become a Tesco's Express before too long.

PRoWS - Acronym commonly used to refer to the People's Republic of West Sutton.
See Also: People's Republic of West Sutton, The.

Pyle Brook - The magnificent waterway that glides through the People's Republic of West Sutton. Very similar to the Nile or Amazon.

Pyramid, The - A term used to describe the structure of Non-League football in England. No one is 100% sure if this refers to the way the leagues are stacked from the top down or in reference to a certain business model that recruits members via a promise of payments or services for enrolling others into the scheme, rather than supplying investments or sale of products or services.
See Also: Non-League


Qualifying Rounds - The early parts of both main FA Competitions which Sutton United partake in that they most commonly enter at.
See Also: (1)FA Cup, The. (2)FA Trophy, The.


Run, The - A term used to describe the period between 14th November 2015 and 30th April 2016 where Sutton United FC remained unbeaten for 26 league games, resulting in full advantage being taken of a Kent based team ebbsfleeting the National League South title race and earning promotion to the National League.
See Also: (1)Ebbsfleet, To. (2)26. (3)13. (4)Viva Las Vegas

Robbo - Gandermonium Contributor reality TV watcher and Chesney Hawkes fan. A-Level in English apparently.
See Also: Hawkes, Chesney


Scummers - One of many light hearted epithets given to our near neighbours, Carshalton Athletic. See Also: (1)Bobbins. (2)Carshalton Athletic.

Sean Connery's Stuntman - Gandermonium travel member and Newcastle solo explorer. Father of Indiana Jones.
See Also: Indiana Jones.

Shaw, Wayne - One time goalkeeping coach at GGL and eater of a pastry based product during the Arsenal FA Cup tie, triggering the scandal known as 'Piegate'. Recieved a 3 month ban from all football activities a year after the event due to the fact an online betting company sponsoring our shirts for that particular occasion were offering odds of 8/1 that he would do exactly that. Now the only thing anyone remembers about that cup run in which we beat L2, L1 and Championship opponents and bowed out live on TV in front of 100 million people.
See also: Piegate.

Sherbet Dab - Cockney Rhyming slang for Cab. A taxi. Eg. "Christ I'm pissed, best get myself a sherbet home". Usually obtained from 'Melvilles' and driven by Sutton's most eligible Afghan in our case. Also extremely hard to obtain after a match in the Northern city of Chester.
See Also: Melvilles

Shoebox, The - A small bit of terracing found on the far side of the Borough Sports Ground, inhabited by all sorts of wrong'uns, ne'er do well's and ruffians. Also coincidentally where most of us stand. Known for it's fruity vocabulary and vast encouragement offered to linespersons regardless of scoreline. Now also the subject of a piece of fine art.
See Also: Back on the Shoebox Terrace Again.

Slipper - The name given to the kind of food obtainable from a tea bar at a Non-League ground in England, most commonly a hamburger. Or at least what is supposed to be one. So called due to it having the same taste and texture as a slipper, which in the UK is a rubber soled soft shoe worn around the house by elderly persons.

Slutton - Hilarious nickname given to the dull South London suburban town which is home to Sutton United FC and sometimes the club\team itself. Our sides never cease to split when we hear this one.
See Also: (1)Sutton. (2)Sutton United FC

Southampton Steve - Regular Gandermonium travel member. Saints fan living locally who came to a game in 2014 to swap Panini stickers with Taz and a few others and er....never left!

Splosh, Cup of - A term used to describe the sort of hot beverage, usually tea, that you can acquire from the average Tea Bar at a Non-League ground in England.

St Albans Incident, The - An unfortunate event involving an away game in St Albans, a fuckload of beer and unconciousness which resulted in several Gandermonium stalwarts finding themselves scattered accross various locales in the county of East Sussex, such as Gatwick, Hassocks and Brighton. The full gory details of which can be found HERE
See Also: Duke of Hassocks, The.

Surrey Senior Cup, The - The premier senior footballing knockout competition for the English county of Surrey and lifelong obsession of Dukey's.
See also: 15.

Sutton - Dull South London suburban town and also seemingly the centre of the known universe given the amount of fucking people we meet all over the world who have either lived there at some point or have some other random connection to the place. Also home to Sutton United Football Club.
See Also: (1)Slutton. (2)PRoWS. (3)Sutton United FC.

Sutton Slut Club - A secretive and exclusive invitation only members club from the 70's which prided itself on wooing as many young ladies as possible. Currently inactive.


T-Shirt - A popular & commonly worn garment worldwide, the base of which was used by Taz to produce a limited number to commemorate a damn good hiding handed out to the Bobbins in 2003. The full story of this earth shattering event can be found HERE
See Also: Boxing Day Massacre, The.

Taz - Editor in Chief of this publication and potty mouthed person who drinks & shouts too much at football.
See also: EIC.

Ton - Cockney Rhyming slang referring to the monetary sum of 100 Pounds stirling. Also the level of expenditure on a Saturday at which Dukey usually proclaims his displeasure. Eg. "Fucking hell, another ton done!".
See Also: Dukey.

Tooting & Mitcham United - Non League football club and the second biggest rivals of Sutton United FC behind the Bobbins. Currently in the umpteenth year of a 7 year plan to reach the Football League.

Thameslink - An utter shitshow run by a bunch of fucking charlatans that unfortunately provides the People's Republic of West Sutton's rail links to the outside world. Renowned for their timekeeping, reliability and honesty or lack therein.
See Also: (1)Borehamwood Incident, The. (2)Later than Thameslink.


U's, The - The official and wonderfully imaginative nickname of Sutton United. Completely unique to the club and definitely not used by anyone else like Colchester. Or Oxford. Or Cambridge.


Vanarama - A vehicle leasing company that produces TV adverts that look like they cost less than a grand to make. Also current sponsors of the National League.
See Also: National League.

Viva Las Vegas - Title of a song by popular musician Elvis Presley. Also a refrain that can be heard from opposition supporters aimed towards Ebssfleet players & fans thanks to the team booking a title winning trip to said Nevada city before first ebbsfleeting a 13pt lead at the top to surrender the title and then missing out on promotion entirely by subsequently losing in the playoffs to Kent rivals Maidstone.
See Also: (1)Ebbsfleet United. (2)Ebbsfleet, To. (3)13. (4)Run, The.


Wales - Small province in the West of the United Kingdom favoured by 4 Days and whose people are roundly subjigated by the nefarious plots and schemes of the evil English regime in Whitehall. Or so he says.
See Also: 4 Days

Wall, The - What most of our attacking free-kicks taken in the opponents final third tend to hit.
See Also: First Man

Wellie - Long time supporter of the U's, one of the Anglo Italian crew who followed the U's to Italy and rumoured to be a former President of the 'Sutton Slut Club'. Also partial to a dash of Scotch on his Cornflakes.
See Also: Sutton Slut Club, The

Wembley '81 - A song often sung by supporters of Bishop's Stortford FC when facing the U's, referring to an extremely fortunate victory in the FA Trophy Final at Wembley in 1981. An event also usually referred to on every page of the match day programme bar the line ups on the back page.
See Also: Fa Trophy, The.


X, Mr - A mysterious, shadowy individual and Gandermonium travel member whose true identity is kept a closely guarded secret. No one knows why.


Yoof, The - Short method sometimes used to refer to the Notorious Youth Faction of the support at Sutton United FC. Has also been applied to many a group of young supporters down the years.
See Also: (1)Notorious Youth Faction. (2)Baby Squad.


Zebra - The name given to several species of African equids, united by their distinctive black and white striped coats. Their stripes come in different patterns, unique to each individual. Only appearing here as we have nothing else to put for the letter 'Z'. Sorry.

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